The Mets Are Juiced Up

Big Bart hit one off of Big Game James.

Yes, Tolo hit a dinger. Replays for days. A testament to his work ethic. That’s the REAL secret stuff.

Yes, the Mets won. They hit a bunch of dingers (La Potencia, Big Sexy, Captain America, Young Savior). 2 came in the 9th. Colon gets the W. Fam gets the S. 

So many fucking dingers! It’s fun! 

Tolo Scalps Tribe


Mets 6, Redfaced Savages 5

Tolo loves the Indians. Yo loves the Indians. Awesome. These two guys know this park. Good to see all the dingers. Bats are warming up!

How fucking good is Uribe!? Why did we let him go!? I suppose the answer is obvious. It’s the same answer as always. It’s the same reason why Mike Piazza’s 9/11 jersey went on sale. Jews gonna jew.

This game should not have ended up as close as it was. Tolo eventually stumbled, and the Mets got lackadaisical with the lead after going up 6-1. They had opportunities to get insurance but left runners stranded. Other than Conforto’s early dinger and then the 3-home-run inning (De Aza, Yo, Walker), we didn’t take advantage of much.

Harvey’s gotta go out there and lock this series up before we face Kluber on Sunday.


It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over

I’m not even going to post yesterday’s score.

The Mets need to take a page out of the late great Yogi Berra’s book. Named after a famous bear, Yogi said, “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” Wake up, fucktards. Losing to the Braves at home? Really? They’re soooo sweepable. Take some advice from one of the greatest, winningest athletes of all time.

Vets gotta step up. Big Sexy Bartolo Colon tonight. Gotta win this game. If we lose this game, I don’t even want to make the playoffs.

Biiiiig Seeexxxxxxaaaayyy

Colon threw 8 scoreless innings and hit a screamer for a single.
Colon threw 8 scoreless innings and hit a screamer for a single.

Mets 3, Phillies 1

Familia was rocky, but held it down for Colon’s brilliant night. Tolo even scored a run on Grandy’s dinger. Another game ball goes to Conforto was 2 for 2 with a solo shot and a walk.

And thus begins our long division stretch. 3 here vs the Phils, followed by 3 in Miami, 3 in Washington, and 4 in Atlanta. Then we come home to face the Marlins for 3. If it wasn’t for Turner Field being haunted, I’d say we’re facing nothing but bitch teams. NL LEEEEEEAST. Gotta own this shit.

Meanwhile the Nats are losing to Lackey and the Cards. Loooooosers.

Postblow: If Only…

Big Sexy was not at his sexiest.
Big Sexy was not at his sexiest.

If only Bartolo had better stuff last night. Then we would’ve…uhhh…scored zero runs and lost.

Zero…fucking…runs. Against the only shitty pitcher on the Cards’ staff, by the way. Stop me if this sounds familiar.

Tim Teufel needs to start sending everybody, always. We need to get insanely aggressive. No runners at 3rd base ever. We have no other choice. I’d rather see them tagged out at the plate than stranded on 3rd. From now on, we steal every time and hit&run every time and that’s it.

Please also note: Matt Cerrone and his crew of bitch lackeys are calling for Terry’s head. Sleep well with your Jew money, Matt, you two-faced F.A.G. I can’t believe the Wilpons and their shills are this dumb. Wait, yes I can. WHAT THE FUCK IS TERRY SUPPOSED TO DO? Should he put Flores or Tejada at shortstop? Oh, wow, the possibilities! I’m not even much of a Terry supporter, really. I just feel bad for him because this whole thing is bullshit. Truth be told, the only real situation I could get fully behind would be if the Mets made me Player/Coach/Owner. That’s the goal.

P.S. The Mets are officially out of 1st place. What a wild ride it was. Wilder than the Dumbo ride at Disney.


P.P.S. Conforto hit a GW dinger in the top of the 9th in St. Lucie…ALL IN FOR 2017!!

Preblow: Colon Opens The Series Against DooDooBrewCrew

El Burro loco
El Burro loco

After getting their shit pushed in by the Cubs at Wrigley, the Mets return home to face the doo doo Brew Crew, who have the worst record in baseball.

Bartolo Colon will face Kyle Lohse, who has an ERA over 7.

Bartolo Colon apparently likes to be called “Pancho,” after his pet burro. Growing up, Pancho was the hardest-working on animal on Colon’s family farm.

Good luck, Tolo. Keep pitching this way and you’ll be on a good team in no time! I really don’t want to see you go, but getting major league ready, twenty-something-year-old hitters in a deal for you has to be explored. The reason it has to be explored is because, unlike the Cubs who solved their pitching problems by signing Lester, the Jewpons will NEVER make a free agent signing like that. We’ve made a hard pass on Cruz twice now! We completely dismissed Hanley. We’re simply a small market team in the biggest city in the nation. Metsblow.

Happy Recap: Mets Bats Come Alive Against Tough Pitching; 1st Place Now A Lock!

No helmet can hold Big Sexy.
Good thing this interleague game was NL hosted

Mets 3, Orioles 2

“The Mets scored a tremendous 3 runs last night…”

So I lifted that headline and opening sentence from Metsblog. God I hate the fucking Mets media. They didn’t actually write that, but they basically write something like that every night. Here’s something they actually DID write before last night’s game: Juan Lagares has hit in all 14 home games this year, during which he’s batting .377. Guess how many hits he had today! Go on, guess! I’ll wait. Guess! …Metsblog, killing streaks since 2007.

Boy do we need Tolo keep testing clean. If his current pace is maintained, is he a Hall of Fame candidate? He’s tested positive and he got the international waters arm surgery, but his numbers are close to there. Two more years of this, and it’s legit. Of course, his win totals are skewed because of all the offensive help we give him…

As far as this game was concerned, Big Sexy brought the sex. Familia let up a dinger to Crash Davis but locked down the save. If the Mets had blown this one, there’d have been a riot. Norris, the O’s pitcher, came in with an ERA of 13, and thanked the baseball gods for an opportunity to face our lineup and get back to a respectable ERA. To be fair, Norris is a right hander, and you know how we do against right handers with ERAs over 10.

Colon has now defeated the Orioles with 7 different teams. Ballin. deGrom goes for the 2-game-series sweep tonight.

Happy Recap: Big Sexy!

Well, the Mets can’t hit for shit. Thankfully, Colon can!

Watch Here: Big Sexy’s RBI Single

Big Sexy. Wow. What a hit! Best hitter on the team. Collins is obsessed with batting his pitchers 8th, but I say put him cleanup.

Great pitching, by the way. And great to see Familia with his 1st totally not-steroids-infused save of the season. We salvaged the last game to go 3-3 on our opening road trip. Now for the home opener. Now for the fences-in Shittifield. Let’s see what we can do.