Each Game Is Worse Than the Last


If your name isn’t Yoenis, you’re not doing enough.

Fam was bound to blow one. We should’ve had at least 7 runs this game, though.

The Mets are amazing. Just when you think it can’t get worse, they go and lose this one. Verrett vs. fucking Wainwright and we could’ve had this one! A historic night of stranding runners in scoring position and an absolutely riveting comeback (thanks Yo) squandered away. Great for baseball. Terrible for the Mets. Terrible team. Teeeeeerrriiiible.

Mets Score 12 (Re: A Billion) Runs in an Inning

Céspedes after his grand slam. He had six RBI in the inning and the Mets brought 15 men to the plate, scoring 12 runs.

Just remember, it’s only 1 game. It’s gotta feel great, though, to treat Peavy and the SF pen like a slow pitch softball team.

With Cespedes back in the lineup, Conforto doesn’t constantly get stranded at 2nd base! 

Matz is bringing that ERA down!

Will we be fatigued today? Did we reach our run quota? This is a team that’s having fun right now and hopefully that means they keep rolling. 

The Reds Are Looking to Next Season; d’Arnaud d’Ead

cespedesHRderby.jpg
Studly.

The Mets win. Theeeeee Mets win. Wow Michael Kay is a fucking dipshit. He’s also inappropriate with women, by the way.

So Cespedes is the greatest. That ain’t news. First pitch pinch-hit dinger. He is the savior. That’s really all there is to it. He said (through a translator), “I can’t run. I’m hobbled. I’ll just hit a home run so I can walk around the bases.” Well played. In truth, he looked quick out of the box on that laser beam dinger that just cleared the line. And he was screaming his head off when Wright knocked in the go-ahead run. Life in the dugout. We’re wide awake. It’s great.

But the real story here is that the Reds are looking to next season. This guy Finnegan is nice. He’ll win the Reds a lot of games down the road. They left him in to face righty Yo 100% no question because they have conceded. “Our bullpen is horrendous and this guy Finnegan is our future so let’s just see how he does in pressure situations against power hitters.” I respect it. I just think it’s kinda funny and what it really means is that we have to beat the shit out of these teams. Also, be careful: Teams that have conceded the season have players with nothing to lose. HarveyDay for the sweep.

Lost in the shuffle is Tolo yet again battling and performing at a high level. Reed and Familia have looked great. Familia got Billy Hamilton and then the next two so Votto didn’t even bat. He’s returning to form. His sinker-cutter dealie makes me glad to be in a cookie lob co-ed softball league.

Extra blow: d’Arnaud is indeed d’Ead. I think his career is d’One. I hate it. I really do. I’m rooting hard for the kid but he is GLAAAAASSSSSS. Maybe trade him to go play 1B or DH somewhere? His bat would come around and be great if he could stay on the field but he can’t. Light your candles.

We Did It

  
Maverick!!!

Cespedes. We did it. He did it. He’s Jesus. Pray for him. We’re the best. The pitching staff is now in a race for first to 20 wins. We have depth. We have it all. We have team solidarity. We have happiness. Rejoice and pray. The Mets, as of this moment, do not blow.

The walkout is off. The fan outcry from Metsblow Nation worked. We did it. I am ALL IN. I’m going to go to formal events in my new Cespedes jersey and a neon green sleeve. 

Amazin’ 

Mets Sign Bastardo; Officially Out of Money

  
The Mets have agreed to terms with lefty reliever Antonio Bastardo. The deal will be for $12 million over two years. Great deal. The bullpen is mediocre again! We replaced Clip. 

Bastardo, 30, posted a 2.98 ERA and 1.13 WHIP last season for the Pirates while striking out 64 batters in 57 1/3 innings. 
The Mets announced that they are now completely out of money. Enjoy this signing, Metsblow nation, because this is likely all we’re going to get. This is the peripeteia. This is that small reversal of fortune where we can feel good about our team for a minute before the Nats sign Cespedes. Here it comes. Can you feel it? Can you feel the Nats getting our #3 hitter from the World Series? They already took our cleanup hitter. 

At least we get to yell, “bastardo!” all season long like it’s Spanish Game of Thrones. They call him Señor Nieve. Or maybe it was yelled best by that greasy dude from Titanic.