Mets Score 12 (Re: A Billion) Runs in an Inning

Céspedes after his grand slam. He had six RBI in the inning and the Mets brought 15 men to the plate, scoring 12 runs.

Just remember, it’s only 1 game. It’s gotta feel great, though, to treat Peavy and the SF pen like a slow pitch softball team.

With Cespedes back in the lineup, Conforto doesn’t constantly get stranded at 2nd base! 

Matz is bringing that ERA down!

Will we be fatigued today? Did we reach our run quota? This is a team that’s having fun right now and hopefully that means they keep rolling. 

The Reds Are Looking to Next Season; d’Arnaud d’Ead

cespedesHRderby.jpg
Studly.

The Mets win. Theeeeee Mets win. Wow Michael Kay is a fucking dipshit. He’s also inappropriate with women, by the way.

So Cespedes is the greatest. That ain’t news. First pitch pinch-hit dinger. He is the savior. That’s really all there is to it. He said (through a translator), “I can’t run. I’m hobbled. I’ll just hit a home run so I can walk around the bases.” Well played. In truth, he looked quick out of the box on that laser beam dinger that just cleared the line. And he was screaming his head off when Wright knocked in the go-ahead run. Life in the dugout. We’re wide awake. It’s great.

But the real story here is that the Reds are looking to next season. This guy Finnegan is nice. He’ll win the Reds a lot of games down the road. They left him in to face righty Yo 100% no question because they have conceded. “Our bullpen is horrendous and this guy Finnegan is our future so let’s just see how he does in pressure situations against power hitters.” I respect it. I just think it’s kinda funny and what it really means is that we have to beat the shit out of these teams. Also, be careful: Teams that have conceded the season have players with nothing to lose. HarveyDay for the sweep.

Lost in the shuffle is Tolo yet again battling and performing at a high level. Reed and Familia have looked great. Familia got Billy Hamilton and then the next two so Votto didn’t even bat. He’s returning to form. His sinker-cutter dealie makes me glad to be in a cookie lob co-ed softball league.

Extra blow: d’Arnaud is indeed d’Ead. I think his career is d’One. I hate it. I really do. I’m rooting hard for the kid but he is GLAAAAASSSSSS. Maybe trade him to go play 1B or DH somewhere? His bat would come around and be great if he could stay on the field but he can’t. Light your candles.

We Did It

  
Maverick!!!

Cespedes. We did it. He did it. He’s Jesus. Pray for him. We’re the best. The pitching staff is now in a race for first to 20 wins. We have depth. We have it all. We have team solidarity. We have happiness. Rejoice and pray. The Mets, as of this moment, do not blow.

The walkout is off. The fan outcry from Metsblow Nation worked. We did it. I am ALL IN. I’m going to go to formal events in my new Cespedes jersey and a neon green sleeve. 

Amazin’ 

Mets Sign Bastardo; Officially Out of Money

  
The Mets have agreed to terms with lefty reliever Antonio Bastardo. The deal will be for $12 million over two years. Great deal. The bullpen is mediocre again! We replaced Clip. 

Bastardo, 30, posted a 2.98 ERA and 1.13 WHIP last season for the Pirates while striking out 64 batters in 57 1/3 innings. 
The Mets announced that they are now completely out of money. Enjoy this signing, Metsblow nation, because this is likely all we’re going to get. This is the peripeteia. This is that small reversal of fortune where we can feel good about our team for a minute before the Nats sign Cespedes. Here it comes. Can you feel it? Can you feel the Nats getting our #3 hitter from the World Series? They already took our cleanup hitter. 

At least we get to yell, “bastardo!” all season long like it’s Spanish Game of Thrones. They call him Señor Nieve. Or maybe it was yelled best by that greasy dude from Titanic. 

  
  

List of Demands Update

  
You can see the list of demands in the previous Blow. I’m not linking it; just scroll down, ya mooks.

We got Tolo. Check. Beautiful. Big sexy with a $50K bonus is he wins the silver slugger. Ballin. We got de Aza. Backup outfielder check. Boom. So now just RP and Cespedes. Yup, they’re totally listening to us! 

If the demands are not met by Feb, we’re gonna do a big protest. Start prepping your signs, your pb&js, and your tents because it’s gonna be a big one. I’ll bring my guitar. But for now, let’s assume all is well. Today is officially Festivus. No doubt, we’ll sign Cespedes today. The Mets never let us down! 

Mets Sign Blevins; Terry Talks Cespedes

blevinsth

1 year. 4mil. Great deal. Contract year for a stud lefty specialist with glass bones. The first fistfight in Punch-Out.

Still need Tolo. Still need Clip. Bastardo, mayhaps? BASTARDO!! The star of Spanish Game of Thrones.

Today, when asked about Cespedes, Terry said, “I know they are working to find some backup pieces that will help us out.” Choooo. Big dick swing from Terry. He might as well have called them jewfags. Publicly stating that the Mets front office is only going to get backups is calling them the fuck out. Of course we’re all going to crazy hearing that. That means they’re not even going to get Span or Parra! That’s insane! OUT OF CONTROL!

For the past 7 years, they’ve been saying we needed to be patient for NOW. And you know what? They were absolutely right. The young studs are elite. You have to move all-in now. You promised. And you were right. Fulfill the prophecy.

I think deGrom’s words on Cespedes were BIG. If Harvey said it, it’d be front page news. Let that be a lesson in how the media protrays someone. Don’t get me wrong, deGrom is very much the antithesis of Harvey in a lot of ways, like Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker, or Fire & Ice. That makes deGrom being the guy to speak up about Cespedes even more meaningful. I hope Harvey calls Sandy a fagoat.

Members of the Metsblow war room are claiming they will walkout if our demands aren’t met and I’m inclined to agree. Here is the list:

~Fill the remaining 4 roster spots (SP, RP, CF, backup 1B/OF) with real major leaguers

~One of the two pitching spots should be for Tolo.

~They may not put Flores as the backup 1B. Must replace Cuddy

~Get Cespedes. If you’re really, actually NOT going to sign Cespedes…if that’s a fucking THING, even after he proved to be the impact bat we’ve been dying for, even after he was the enzyme catalyst impetus spark synergist reactant kaboom bang bullshit intangible sports word that you wanna use X-FACTOR, even after what deGrom said, even after he put the whole city on his back, then you better fucking do something else that shows you believe in this team. The young guns will be fucking pissed. Look what the Giants do for Posey. Look what the Cubs are doing for Bryant. Bryant is going to be a lot easier to sign when he sees how much his GM cares.

 

Neil Walker & Asdrubal Cabrera

  

Everybody on the Mets wants Cespedes back.

I’ve thought about the moves that the Mets recently made for a day or two. I know today’s whippersnappers want all their news instantaneously, and that’s fine, but a quality product takes time. Go to Di Fara’s.

Anyway, about the moves, the Mets really like blowing a big deal and then having a backup to bounce back with, huh? Plan B works for both the Mets and for scrambling up and queefing out some eggs. 

Except, last time the bounce back was Cespedes. Walker is good. Cabrera is good. Both the contracts are good. Whoopdee-shit, we’re better. We still lack the fucking impact bat. Somebody ask Mike Piazza: When was the last time the Mets made the playoffs two fucking years in a row?

The Cubs just got Heyward for 8/184. Get Cespedes for 6/138. You’d be fucking retarded not to. That goes for both sides. Yes, Cespedes has the POWAH, but Heyward has the yoot. There’s nothing like power when it comes to hitting; dingers are the great equalizer in a game where pitching usually wins. However, when it comes to contracts, age is paramount. 

Oh and finally, Jacob deGrom–the fucking stud that he is–said, “Everybody would like him to come back, but that’s out of our control. It’s just us hoping.” 

Will the Jewpons Jew Out?

Must sign. MUST SIGN.
Must sign. MUST SIGN.

The Royals won the World Series. Good for them. We blew it. Our poor defense got EXPOSED. We blew it more than they won it. Experience is everything and they had it but now we have it.

We can actually be excited for next season. Pray for some luck. Pray for health. Pray for our ELITE young pitching (both the rotation and the closer).

Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. We MUST SIGN Cespedes. Everyone knows he was the catalyst. He was the lightning that brought Frankenstein’s monster to life. We need him the most. If the Wilpons can’t/don’t sign him, they shouldn’t be owners anymore.

We also need Zobrist. We also need Reynolds and Herrera to be good next year, but that’s not a signing. We need Uribe and Jelly. We have to sure up the fucking defense.

It’s bittersweet. I wanted the chip so badly. But we actually do have a shot. We have a window. Sandy Alderson knows this, and should be able to explain it in terms that Baby Jeffy can understand. “Look at all the t-shirts and expensive tickets people bought in the playoffs.” But I don’t rely on him to understand anything.

It’s super hard to win. We could be the ’90s Braves with our rotation. They made the playoffs a whole bunch but only won it all once. Well, 1 is a whole lot fucking better than 0! The point is to get to the postseason and you’ve got a shot. Sign Cespedes and we’re likely to win ~96 games next year.

Cespedes will have to work on it in the offseason, but he’s our CF. Pray for the signing. Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. Sure up the pen, sure up the infield defense, and pray.

The Effects of Bruised Fingers

Este bruise.
Este bruise.

Phillies 3, Mets 0

Foul Ball Guy might not take much pride in it, but with about 50 people (yes, 50) in the stands, there were so many foul balls to be had. I’ve never caught one…or even picked one up in an empty stadium after many bounces. I should have traveled to Philly for this one.

So yeah, who cares? Nobody. Let’s move on to the issue at finger:

"My fingers hurt." "Well now your back's gonna hurt, cuz you just pulled landscaping duty."
“My fingers hurt.”
“Well now your back’s gonna hurt, cuz you just pulled landscaping duty.”

Let me state ON THE INTERNET AND THEREFORE THIS IS BINDING: If Cespedes goes 0-10 or 1-12 or whatever in the playoffs, and the fanbase turns on him (due to media anti-hype) and the Jewpons don’t sign him, then I quit. We hope for the best, but considering the injury, AND the pitching he’s going up against, AND the small sample size, his playoff performance cannot be properly judged. We hope for the best. We PRAY for the best. But the Mets front office is looking for an excuse not to pay him, and having a bad NLDS with semi-broken fingers against historically filthy pitching is just the excuse they want.

So, preemptively, let me state one more time: Cespedes should be a made man and should already be paid.