The Cubs swept the season series against the Mets. 7 wins, 0 losses.
Cubs 6, Mets 1
“El stinko,” as Keith said.
So fucking stinky. But hey, we didn’t get shutout! YAAAAY! 1 run! And how did we get our run? Who scored our lone run? deGrom!! BAHAHAHAHAHA. Our pitchers. The best hitters on the team. Amazin’.
Oh and by the way, deGrom only let up 3 earned runs. When the score was tied 1-1, guess how we lost the lead. An unearned run. BAHAHAHAHA. Nice defense, Murph! Nice defense, Mets! “Nice game, pretty boy.”
Stat of the Day: The Mets have won zero–ZERO–series against teams with better records than them. They are 40-40. Thor will face Kershaw in LA for their 81st game. Are we a .500 team? Halfway through the season, we may be one over or one below. I put our O/U on runs scored against Kershaw at 0.5, and that’s being generous. One thing that is scientifically undeniable: we are dogshit.
Whatever. Even the sycophantic blogs are sick of this shit. I don’t need to say it. We’re all sick of our perfidus owners. We’re all sick of our lifeless offense. It’s over. Cover the field.
I wonder if the Mets can get swept at home without scoring a run. That’s gotta be some kind of record. I love how people talk about how the Mets are “good at home.” Uhhhhh back to back shutouts? 20 innings without scoring a run? That’s good at home? This kind of thing NEVER–and I mean NEVER–happens to a team that’s actually “good at home.”
The bottom of the 8th inning was the greatest microcosm for Mets baseball that I ever seen. It had it all. The Cubs tried AS HARD AS THEY COULD to give us the game. 5 outs on the inning. The umps tried to give it to us, too. But we said, “Nay! Tiz not our time to score a run.” It really had it all: baserunning blunders, failed bunt attempts, signal confusion, strikeouts with RISP…just fantastic. A Three Stooges routine couldn’t have spoofed the Mets better than that.
deGrom vs Arrieta tonight. Who cares? Even letting up zero runs isn’t good enough. Colon had his best start of the year last night and it doesn’t matter. None of it matters until we make a trade or better yet, change ownership. This is all just dumb.
Today is my birthday. And what a glorious birthday present from the Mets! Every year on my birthday, the generous, caring Wilpons give 1.2 million dollars to Bobby Bonilla. Thank you, Jeff!
So instead of paying that lump sum in 1999, the Mets decided to defer payment over a few decades. They figured, “hey great, now we can save this money and give it to Madoff!”
P.S. I just want to let everyone know that I am not blaming or insulting Bobby Bo one iota. I’m happy for him. In the business where the stars are treated like circus elephants, Bonilla took advantage of a retarded, cheap, short sighted owner and found a way to get himself income for 35 years. A 1.2 million dollar payday (I believe that raise started in 2011) is pretty damn sweet.
Boy, it’s a good thing we have all these aces, right? Hell, Niese isn’t even one of our aces! And he still only let up 1 run! Wow! What a staff! We’ve really got something in the works, here!
We are terrrrrrrible. Daniel Murphy comes back and Michael Cuddyer immediately goes down. Our lineup was at full strength for about 7 days at the beginning of the season. Since then, we’ve had at least two–even three–starters injured at all times. Not to mention Wheeler, Mejia, Edgin, Blevins, Black, etc.
The second the Cubs got their run, it was over. Completely over against a scrub pitcher with a 4.5 ERA. Pathetic. The Cubs only had 4 hits and 1 run. But we had 3 hits…and 0 runs. That kind of futility is impressive. Stop me if you’ve seen this scenario before…as in, practically every day.
We should just put Matz, Thor, deGrom, and Harvey in the lineup on their non-throwing days.
At least Niese pitched well enough to get dealt. Probably to the Cubs.
So Cuddyer went down. That was a lock. He’s been playing hurt all year (and for the past 5 years) anyway. Bring up Conforto!? Is it time? You know we’re too cheap and Jew-y to go out and get someone. Conforto! Nimmo! Hoooraaaay minor leaguers that are unprepared and will be ruined forever!
PREBLOW BONUS: Big Sexy on the bump tonight against Jon Lester. Lester has been shitty all year. Today is a perfect day for him to get back into form. If you play fantasy baseball, the LOCK STRATEGY is to just rotate your pitchers and start the guy that is facing the Mets every day.
The Reds suck ass. The Cubs don’t. So we’ll see what happens. Murphy is back in the lineup, and immediately batting cleanup. No surprise there. A guy that can hit! He can hit a little bit! CLEANUP!
This series should be a nice display of their infield (Rizzo, Castro, Russell, Bryant) vs ours (a rotating cast of clowns, none of whom will be on the team next year other than Duda, who is slumping to shit).
We could’ve had Castro. Or Russell. But naaaaaah, we’ll go with Tejada and Soupman. YAAAY!
“I’ve never done this before! I’ve never been congratulated! Slap hands? Slap hands!”
Anthony Recker (him?) hit two dingers or some shit like that in Vegas and was named the Pacific Coast League Player of the Week. Metsblog and others reported on this, saying that Recker was, “sending the Mets a message.”
Indeed! A message! And the message is: The pacific coast league is rec league intramurals. Pacific Coast League, featuring such teams as the Vegas 51s and the Stanky Doodoo Farts.*
Thank you, Anthony, for showing once again that our AAA team is the worst measuring stick of talent in baseball history.
*The Stanky Doodoo Farts, the rec league softball team that I am the player/coach for, would take Anthony Recker. We don’t want him. We don’t need him. But we wanna win, so we’d take him. Barely.
Everyone in Metsland aka Liarsville is saying Murph will be back tomorrow.
…or are they?!
Look at how they don’t actually lie. Look at their carefully crafted, well articulated bullshit talk:
“Murphy is expected to return Tuesday.”
“Murphy is set to return tomorrow.”
“Murphy is preparing to rejoin the team.”
Ooooh, those snakes. Just like he was EXPECTED to play last Saturday, and the Tuesday before that one.
And note how they subconsciously put the onus on the player. Like, “oooh he’s expected to return. So if he doesn’t, it’s really HIS fault, and not the fault of our completely inept organization and medical staff. We expect him back.”
Don’t believe a word from any Mets press. Only Metsblow. We are the truth. They are all members of the Ponzi scheme. Don’t be fooled. Murph is dead. Believe he will be in the lineup when you see him in the batter’s box, and not a moment sooner.
“I can’t believe the Mets actually scored some runs.” -Grandpa Matz
Game 1: Mets 2, Reds 1 (F/13)
Game 2: Mets 7, Reds 2
Well, Grandpa Matz is stunned. Rightfully so. Nobody, not even his family, should have to witness a team where their pitcher son is the best hitter on the team. But here we are.
I thought the Mets should concede game 1. I knew we’d never score and I’d rather lose in 9 than keep Matz waiting and screw him up for life. I was wrong. The extra waiting made him nervous and he let up a leadoff dinger, but he settled the fuck down and mowed em the fuck down. We’ve got another live one!! He also claimed in the postblow that the extra waiting didn’t have an effect, but that was just him not wanting to throw his team under the bus.
The theme of this double header was “pitching.” But really, the theme was, “the Mets are trying to be aggressive on the base paths because they never get hits but they’re also slow as shit so they’re out every time they get aggressive.” And by aggressive, I mean blasting balls into the corners and being thrown out by a mile trying to “stretch” it into a double. Blame the slippery field if you want, but we’re slower than a turtle with downs. And not a ninja turtle, neither. Reyes would have had triples off some of those balls. Oh, except Herrera. He basically won the 1st game with his baserunning. He’s fast! He’s 20! All in for 2017 lineup!
Game 2 was the first time in SIX DAYS (six!) that the Mets reached the MOUNTAIN of a milestone of scoring 3 runs. And the game six days ago, they lost 6-4. And before that, there were 3 more days of 2 runs or less. So for 8 out of their last 10, they’ve scored 2 or less. And a no hitter (shutout) two days before that. That’s the craziest stat I’ve ever seen. And we at Metsblow say, “that’s the craziest stat ever” routinely.
Oh and 1 of the runs today was unearned. Oh and we had the bases loaded and no outs but didn’t score. 3 runs was seemingly the HARD CAP for our employees. BUT WAIT! Matz had 4 RBIs. So our lineup reached their 3 run cap, and our pitcher got 4. Astounding. Our pitchers are our best hitters and should play the field on non-pitching days.
In the words of Grandpa Matz, “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Off day Monday. Cubs in town on Tuesday. We played a four-game series against them at Wrigley in May. Guess how many games we won. Go on, guess. I’ll wait. It rhymes with Masahiro*.
*All might be well in the universe, because Tanaka is getting shellllled. I can’t believe he didn’t get TJ. I don’t understand training staffs/cosmic forces/God is a Yankee fan, but one thing I know is that everyone on the Mets needs TJ.
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