Two Birthday Presents for Me

Step off, bro

So Syndergaard got ejected for throwing behind Utley’s back and Lackey doesn’t even get a warning for throwing at Matz’s head? While he’s squaring to bunt? Ummm, can we get the fucking robot umps already?! What a joke.

Matz responded by:

1) flying out to the track, which raised some eyebrows, I suppose.

2) letting up a home run to the next batter he faced–oops.

3) cheering when Cespedes launched a ball to the moon and then trotted at Tolo-speed.

So maybe Lackey woke the Mets up? We were deeeeeead. We were down 2-0 after two batters and I thought the game was over. Matz settled in, Nimmo had his coming out party with a clutch hit (what the fuck is a clutch hit?), and Familia dodged bullets to get the save. He walked a guy and then let up a double (on an 0-2 pitch!!) to Zobrist. Nimmo misplayed the ball in RF but the Cubs opted to hold runners at 2nd & 3rd with nobody out. That was retarded. It was a pinch runner! Oops. That guy could’ve scored and tied the game up, no question.

Zobrist plays every single position better than anyone on our team. When Lagares comes back, an argument can be made. 

Asdrubal wore a Cespedes sleeve. He made a yuge play, too. Stick with the sleeve. 

Was Yo’s dinger the most colossal blast ever? Biggest bomb at Citi since the home run derby, I’d say. By anyone, not just him. What a BOMB. As usual, nobody was on base. I thought we’d just lose 3-1 but this was quite the gift win. We just own the Cubs, huh? Eh, we owned the Nats last year, too. Not sure it carries over. 

Also for my birthday, the Mets pay Bobby Bo today!! What a delightful birthday reminder from the Mets that I root for the worst organization ever. 

Nobody Breathe

Mets 5, Cubs 2

Don’t move. Don’t breathe. Don’t panic. Don’t blink.

Murph dinger? Check. Familia save? Check. deGrom win? Check. Cespedes mashing? Check. Some kind of horseshit keeping the game close? Check. Ivy check. But we’re 3-0. 1 away from the ship. Don’t breathe. 

Give Harvey the Game Ball and the Shot

Mets 4, Cubs 2

I don’t need to recap shit because all of Metsblow nation watched. Murph’s bat (and glove?!), Cespedes’ arm, Grandy’s skills, Familia’s work…we know this. All I’m saying is give Matt Harvey the fucking shot. He got rocked in the pitching arm on a comebacker. Adrenaline kept him out there but he’s gonna be sore as shit today. Boras must be going nuts. Give him the cortisone or the roids or whatever the fuck helps. Give him the game ball and the shot. 

Jesus Is Good

New York Mets' Yoenis Cespedes (52) celebrates with teammate Daniel Murphy after hitting two-run home run during the ninth inning of a baseball game against the Atlanta Braves on Friday, Sept. 11, 2015, in Atlanta. (AP Photo/John Bazemore)

Mets 3, Dodgers 2 (Mets win NLDS 3-2)

“Jesus is good. Cespedes is hitting behind me.” -Murph, on his NLDS performance. I could not have said it better myself.

Jesus is SO good. Pray pray pray. Pray to the Lord of Light. Murph was the MVP of this series. 3 dingers off of the 2 “best” pitchers in beisbol. And some miracle baserunning. Highlight reel baserunning from Murph is a clear sign that Jesus is good. 

Fam put on a fucking CLINIC. deGrom’s balls are HUGE. Thor was throwing HEAT. Collins pushed all the right buttons–leaving in deGrom when he didn’t have anything close to his best stuff? Taking out Thor so Fam could throw a 6-out save? All the right buttons! Joe Maddon be damned!

Now we face the Cubs. They murked us in the regular season but that was pre-Cespedes. Also, Russell is OUT for the NLCS. That’s a huge break for us. Harvey game 1. At home. Let’s fucking go. Wright and Duda need to wake the fuck up. God damn this shit is stressful.

One Note On The Mets/Cubs Series

I just want to point one thing out:

At the beginning of the season, people looked to two teams as the “hopefuls” or the “potentials” to take over a playoff spot from an incumbent. Those two teams were the Mets and the Cubs.

The Mets had the pitching. The Cubs had the hitting. People debated which team would be better. People debated which team actually had a shot. It made the Mets and Cubs into rivals, of sorts. If nothing else, it made the matchup between the two teams a litmus test and a proving grounds to see which team was actually legitimate; to see which team has actually blossomed in the offseason and was now ready to compete for something (unless you count competing for .500 a thing).

Their season series is now over. The Cubs won 7 games. The Mets won 0. The litmus test has revealed the Mets players as a bunch of basic bitches and the organization as acidic and corrosive slimeballs. Tip your cap to Theo Epstein–he’s quite the GM.

Postblow: 1-0 Shutout HAHAHAHAHA


Cubs 1, Mets 0

Boy, it’s a good thing we have all these aces, right? Hell, Niese isn’t even one of our aces! And he still only let up 1 run! Wow! What a staff! We’ve really got something in the works, here!

We are terrrrrrrible. Daniel Murphy comes back and Michael Cuddyer immediately goes down. Our lineup was at full strength for about 7 days at the beginning of the season. Since then, we’ve had at least two–even three–starters injured at all times. Not to mention Wheeler, Mejia, Edgin, Blevins, Black, etc.

The second the Cubs got their run, it was over. Completely over against a scrub pitcher with a 4.5 ERA. Pathetic. The Cubs only had 4 hits and 1 run. But we had 3 hits…and 0 runs. That kind of futility is impressive. Stop me if you’ve seen this scenario before…as in, practically every day.

We should just put Matz, Thor, deGrom, and Harvey in the lineup on their non-throwing days.

At least Niese pitched well enough to get dealt. Probably to the Cubs.

So Cuddyer went down. That was a lock. He’s been playing hurt all year (and for the past 5 years) anyway. Bring up Conforto!? Is it time? You know we’re too cheap and Jew-y to go out and get someone. Conforto! Nimmo! Hoooraaaay minor leaguers that are unprepared and will be ruined forever!

PREBLOW BONUS: Big Sexy on the bump tonight against Jon Lester. Lester has been shitty all year. Today is a perfect day for him to get back into form. If you play fantasy baseball, the LOCK STRATEGY is to just rotate your pitchers and start the guy that is facing the Mets every day.

Cubs @ Mets Series Preblow

I wish that was Jeff Wilpon getting eaten.
I wish that was Jeff Wilpon getting eaten.

Well, we got swept (4 games) at Wrigley.

But we’re soooooo good at home, right? RIGHT!?

The Reds suck ass. The Cubs don’t. So we’ll see what happens. Murphy is back in the lineup, and immediately batting cleanup. No surprise there. A guy that can hit! He can hit a little bit! CLEANUP!

This series should be a nice display of their infield (Rizzo, Castro, Russell, Bryant) vs ours (a rotating cast of clowns, none of whom will be on the team next year other than Duda, who is slumping to shit).

We could’ve had Castro. Or Russell. But naaaaaah, we’ll go with Tejada and Soupman. YAAAY!

Preblow: The Mets Have Conceded the Game and the Series

Get the brooms out.
Get the brooms out.

The Cubs came into this series with something to prove–that THEY were worthy of a WC this year. They have shown that the Mets are completely inept, and that the Cubs are the only team worthy of being called, “the team that sucked ass last year but is serious this year.”

Jon “Been Fuckin Awesome This Year” Niese will face a lefty with a 5 ERA today, and the Mets will lose.

Mayberry is batting 5th. Wow. Is Kirk in the lineup today? Collectively, they are K-May. When they bat, it May be a K!…or it May be a backwards K! The K-May kids!

With Mayberry, Recker, etc. in the lineup, we have conceded. The game is over. Metsblow.

Postblow: Mets In Full Fledged Free Fall

And I'm freeeeee...
And I’m freeeeee…

Cubs 2, Mets 1

I just can’t watch this lineup. I just CAN’T WATCH THIS LINEUP.

This was a game that a MEDICORE lineup wins 5-0 or 5-2 or so. We had PLENTY of opportunities. We had a runner on 3rd with less than 2 outs and didn’t get it done multiple times. We had failed bunts. We are the worst offense I’ve seen since last year’s team.

The only silver lining is that this HAS to be a wake-up call. The Wilpons will never sell the team–baby Jeffy ain’t sharing his toys–but they have to make a move now. You can’t burn your new star in his ML debut by giving him no run support, then go back out the next night and burn your young ace with an even more inept loss. Harvey threw 7 shutout innings and we ended up losing the game 2-1. It just can’t happen. Sandy knows as well as anybody that Harvey stayed up all night going, “3 more years till Yankees…3 more years till Yankees…”

Also, EXACTLY as Metsblow has predicted: By the time Wright gets back (if he ever does), there will be a MINIMUM of two starters on the DL. These two are likely to be Lagares and d’Arnaud. D-Wright should return just in time to have an opportunity to play hero, overextend himself, and land back on the DL.

It appears that Lagares will not head to the DL for now, so rest assured he’ll be playing injured for a week, he’ll tear his pectorals even worse (aka the ripped titty), and go on the DL for an even longer stretch than originally necessary.

Matt Cerrone, the spaz in charge of Metsblog, wrote that, “it’s hard to ignore the impact of missing Juan Lagares…” You fucking spaz! He’s been out for two days! Our lineup has been getting mowed the fuck down all season. Wake up. “Ooooh, when we get Lagares back, we’re gonna be a FORCE!”

The Mets will look to move Tolo. I will be sad, but if we pull Soler for him or something nuts like that, it’s a must-do. We need to do something. We have to fix this now.

Preblow: Thor Makes his ML Debut

High School Prom King
High School Prom King

Thor is finally getting the call! Wow, what an exciting day. The guy has an OPS of 1.364! We’ve really needed an impact bat for over two (five?) years now, and I think we’ve found that bat in Syndergaard. Our offense has just been beyond frail since Wright and d’Arnaud went down with cases of METS, and it’ll be good to have someone who can hit coming up…oh, and apparently he can pitch well, too. Well, you can still bat him cleanup, can’t you? He likely belongs there when compared to our dogshit lineup.

A lot was made about the young Noah not getting the call last season. A lot was also made about #HamSandwichGate and I respect all of it. Don’t ever a kid the keys to the castle. Make him work. Syndergaard has now admitted, “Not getting the call [last year] motivated me. Last year taught me how to struggle and how to handle adversity.”

Get ready for a new struggle, Noah: The struggle of losing games 1-0! Hopefully you can mash at the major league level, too, because your DOMINANCE on the mound won’t be enough! Go ahead and ask every other pitcher on the team!