Mets Sign Blevins; Terry Talks Cespedes

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blevinsth

1 year. 4mil. Great deal. Contract year for a stud lefty specialist with glass bones. The first fistfight in Punch-Out.

Still need Tolo. Still need Clip. Bastardo, mayhaps? BASTARDO!! The star of Spanish Game of Thrones.

Today, when asked about Cespedes, Terry said, “I know they are working to find some backup pieces that will help us out.” Choooo. Big dick swing from Terry. He might as well have called them jewfags. Publicly stating that the Mets front office is only going to get backups is calling them the fuck out. Of course we’re all going to crazy hearing that. That means they’re not even going to get Span or Parra! That’s insane! OUT OF CONTROL!

For the past 7 years, they’ve been saying we needed to be patient for NOW. And you know what? They were absolutely right. The young studs are elite. You have to move all-in now. You promised. And you were right. Fulfill the prophecy.

I think deGrom’s words on Cespedes were BIG. If Harvey said it, it’d be front page news. Let that be a lesson in how the media protrays someone. Don’t get me wrong, deGrom is very much the antithesis of Harvey in a lot of ways, like Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker, or Fire & Ice. That makes deGrom being the guy to speak up about Cespedes even more meaningful. I hope Harvey calls Sandy a fagoat.

Members of the Metsblow war room are claiming they will walkout if our demands aren’t met and I’m inclined to agree. Here is the list:

~Fill the remaining 4 roster spots (SP, RP, CF, backup 1B/OF) with real major leaguers

~One of the two pitching spots should be for Tolo.

~They may not put Flores as the backup 1B. Must replace Cuddy

~Get Cespedes. If you’re really, actually NOT going to sign Cespedes…if that’s a fucking THING, even after he proved to be the impact bat we’ve been dying for, even after he was the enzyme catalyst impetus spark synergist reactant kaboom bang bullshit intangible sports word that you wanna use X-FACTOR, even after what deGrom said, even after he put the whole city on his back, then you better fucking do something else that shows you believe in this team. The young guns will be fucking pissed. Look what the Giants do for Posey. Look what the Cubs are doing for Bryant. Bryant is going to be a lot easier to sign when he sees how much his GM cares.

 

Cuddyer Retires; Mets Fedora Sales Plummet

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What a sacrifice!! This is why David Wright loves him. Cuddy takes one for the team and does what’s best. I have newfound respect for him. 

This is a bigger twist than Cuddyer’s obliques. It’s huge. After the severance fee, this is a LOT of money put back into Alderson’s budget. Now when we don’t get Cespedes, we can go absolutely ballistic and force the Jewpons out of office. 

I wonder what baby Jeffy will buy with the 12mil he just got back. He’ll probably just throw it back on the pile. 

Neil Walker & Asdrubal Cabrera

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Everybody on the Mets wants Cespedes back.

I’ve thought about the moves that the Mets recently made for a day or two. I know today’s whippersnappers want all their news instantaneously, and that’s fine, but a quality product takes time. Go to Di Fara’s.

Anyway, about the moves, the Mets really like blowing a big deal and then having a backup to bounce back with, huh? Plan B works for both the Mets and for scrambling up and queefing out some eggs. 

Except, last time the bounce back was Cespedes. Walker is good. Cabrera is good. Both the contracts are good. Whoopdee-shit, we’re better. We still lack the fucking impact bat. Somebody ask Mike Piazza: When was the last time the Mets made the playoffs two fucking years in a row?

The Cubs just got Heyward for 8/184. Get Cespedes for 6/138. You’d be fucking retarded not to. That goes for both sides. Yes, Cespedes has the POWAH, but Heyward has the yoot. There’s nothing like power when it comes to hitting; dingers are the great equalizer in a game where pitching usually wins. However, when it comes to contracts, age is paramount. 

Oh and finally, Jacob deGrom–the fucking stud that he is–said, “Everybody would like him to come back, but that’s out of our control. It’s just us hoping.” 

Zobrist to Cubs

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zobrist1
4 years/56mil. And the Cubs dumped Castro to the Yankees, just so Cashman and Theo could laugh it up together at our expense.

So that was the Mets’ #1 priority? You couldn’t offer a 4 year deal? You can’t let the payroll go over 100mil? 

Don’t be fooled by garbage lies like, “Zobrist wanted to be closer to home” or “Zobrist wanted to be back with his ol’ manager Joe Maddon.” He took the most money. The Mets didn’t offer him shit. 

Yesterday, a rep for Zobrist said, “I honestly have no idea who John Ricco is. I’ve never met him, I’ve never seen him, and quite frankly he sounds made up.” The Post will take that and write, “Zobrist to meet with John Ricco soon.” This’ll be followed by tomorrow’s headline, “Say It Ain’t Zo!” 

Look at Ricco, by the way. He is SO not ready for primetime. 

  
Today in Mets news: Flores breaks his ankle and our only other option at 2B signs with someone else. Also in Mets news, Ricco says he isn’t shocked but looks SHOCKED. He’s a fuckin deer in headlights. Every photo/video I see from the winter meetings shows his hair amess and his face weary. 

Awesome day for Mets news. It’s a blessing in disguise. It’s like when we didn’t get Gomez. It’s all a setup to get Cespedes hoooooraaaaaay.

Metsblow Nation is in PANIC CITY until we get Cespedes. Does that sound familiar? 

P.S. Dansby Swanson to the Braves. Stud from Vandy (my alma mater). Great haul for them. The Mets couldn’t do better than Shelby Miller?? He’s a very good pitcher but he’s not worth the #1 pick. Jesus, Mets, wake the fuck up. The Braves are making moves right under your big, cheap Jew noses. 

Sandy Alderson Has Cancer

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Why oh why couldn’t it be Jeff Wilpon, instead?

In all seriousness, let’s hope Sandy gets better. Apparently, it’s treatable, so that’s good. Get well, get well soon, we want you to get well.

This has been the only news to report in a while, unfortunately. Sandy, if you need a temp-GM to fill in for you, here I am. I’ll get Cespedes for ya. I know how badly you want the guy that single-handedly transformed the team from mediocre to NL champs. Oh, y’all don’t want him? Y’all wanna stay mediocre? OK, well then don’t hire me. I still hope you get better…and get Cespedes. 

P.S. I’ll bet the Wilpons aren’t forking over a penny for Sandy’s treatment. Health insurance?? Naaaaah. 

Mets Are Interested in Ben Zobrist

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zobrist1Remember him?

The Mets are interested, you guys! Matt Dweebazoid Shill Bitch Cerrone said so on Metsblog! The Mets are interested! SO FUCKING INTERESTED!!

Thank God for our interest. So when we don’t sign anybody and we are a .500 team next season, don’t blame the Jewpons! THEY WERE INTERESTED!!

I love that we’re interested. God damn does it feel good to know that we’re interested. We are interested in a championship. Doesn’t that warm your heart to know? Our interest is peaking. We’re so fucking interested that we can’t contain ourselves.

I am interested in Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox, by the way. Just letting you guys know that I’m interested.

 

Murphy Declines Qualifying Offer

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First of all, fuckin’ gays are all over the place. Second, this WOULD be good news if the Mets could get Zobrist. 

Here’s what will actually happen: We’ll get a 1st round pick and Murph will go to SF, NYY, or another strong competitor in 2016. Our 1st round pick should come up at just about the time that we lose Harvey. 

Also, we won’t get Zobrist or even Jelly. Herrera will get 500 ABs. He looked like dog doo in the Show. If he gets 500 ABs (seems likely at this point), the O/U is .245/.300 and I’m taking the under both times, and I’m also setting a prop bet that if he magically is hitting .265 or better by June, he will get injured. 

So it’s not official yet, I guess, but say goodbye to Murph. Would’ve loved if you called the bluff and accepted the offer, but sadly I understand your move and I think it’s the correct one. Jesus is good. 

Collins Signed Through 2017

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Sounds good to me. One less thing to worry about. No reason to break up a good thing. Collins is 1 for 1 in being good with a good team.

Collins’ voice might not be so loud in the war room, but one thing is for sure; he LOOOVES Cespedes. And, uhhhhh, of course he does. I mean, no shit, right?

Nats got Dusty “pitch em til their arm falls off” Baker. Whatever. I’m not worried about any team but our own. The Cubs will make moves. The Giants will make moves. All that matters is that we bolster our D and put a lineup out there to support our elite pitching staff. 

Will the Jewpons Jew Out?

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Must sign. MUST SIGN.
Must sign. MUST SIGN.

The Royals won the World Series. Good for them. We blew it. Our poor defense got EXPOSED. We blew it more than they won it. Experience is everything and they had it but now we have it.

We can actually be excited for next season. Pray for some luck. Pray for health. Pray for our ELITE young pitching (both the rotation and the closer).

Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. We MUST SIGN Cespedes. Everyone knows he was the catalyst. He was the lightning that brought Frankenstein’s monster to life. We need him the most. If the Wilpons can’t/don’t sign him, they shouldn’t be owners anymore.

We also need Zobrist. We also need Reynolds and Herrera to be good next year, but that’s not a signing. We need Uribe and Jelly. We have to sure up the fucking defense.

It’s bittersweet. I wanted the chip so badly. But we actually do have a shot. We have a window. Sandy Alderson knows this, and should be able to explain it in terms that Baby Jeffy can understand. “Look at all the t-shirts and expensive tickets people bought in the playoffs.” But I don’t rely on him to understand anything.

It’s super hard to win. We could be the ’90s Braves with our rotation. They made the playoffs a whole bunch but only won it all once. Well, 1 is a whole lot fucking better than 0! The point is to get to the postseason and you’ve got a shot. Sign Cespedes and we’re likely to win ~96 games next year.

Cespedes will have to work on it in the offseason, but he’s our CF. Pray for the signing. Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. Sure up the pen, sure up the infield defense, and pray.