Author: metsblow

Big Sexy at the Bat

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No helmet can hold Big Sexy.
No helmet can hold Big Sexy.

Today, Opening Day (!!), we will be greeted with one of the true must-see-TV events of the Spring. Not #HarveyDay, not Game of Thrones, but rather: Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon will be batting.

Legitimate question: Could I do better than Colon against Scherzer? I predict I would be able to but the bat on the ball at least once. Foul tips count. Will Bartolo? Place your bets and place your bats!

P.S. It doesn’t matter what Colon does at the plate. If he’s the 15-game-winning, inning-eating horse he was last year, then we’re cooking.

P.P.S. I’ll still take this over the AL and the DH nonsense. Such nonsense. Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, AL!

Murphy Limps To The Clubhouse

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Murphy is limping. It is known. Great.

Is a limping Murphy better than Tejada? Yes. Is a ripped hammy Murph better? Probably, but we really don’t want that.

The Mets’ bargain bin crack medical staff is on it once again! Jews are usually so xenophobic when it comes to doctors. Other than for the discount, why else would our cheap Jew fuck owners hire Mexicans? That’s a rhetorical question. Metsblow.

Opening Day Lineup Breakdown

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Welp, we did it. Hoooooray. We’re in 1st place!

Here’s our lineup:

Juanny Beisbol

Grandy

Captain America

The Big Lebowski

Kid Cuddy

Murph

Flo the Progressive Boy

d’Arnaud (he and deGrom make up the d-battery).

The takeaway: For the first time since Reyes and Beltran and Lo Duca and Delgado left, there are NO black holes. On a scale of [-1, 0, 1], we finally have no negatives. We don’t have someone who is a minor leaguer aka detriment to the team.

Of course, our bench is still shallow and shitty. For fucks sake Endy Chavez hit over .300! Our bench players raked! So the key is that this starting lineup stays healthy. With our bargain bin medical staff, I think it’s unlikely, but ya gotta believe! We’re in 1st place!!

P.S. I would looooove to see Big Sexy outduel Scherzer today. The Nats have won NOTHING! They have earned NOTHING! They are currently the 1x defending NL east champs. That isn’t a dynasty. That isn’t dick. All they’ve done is shit the bed in the playoffs. Losers. Oh and they’ve also stomped the shit out of the Mets for a few years running now. LET’S GO METS!

BREAKING: Mejia on Way Out

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So I’m sure that this is related to the Mets not wanting to pay both Mejia and Familia is the main concern here but anyway…

Apparently the Mets are going to move Mejia by the All-Star Break. Apparently they like Familia better. He’s just more familiar to them. Errr…whatever. I like them both.

I want them all to rock. Let’s see a real competition. Mejia, Familia, Parnell, and Black all think they can be THE guy. They all think they can make big bucks. Let’s see the proof.

P.S. They say he’s hiding an injury. TJ?

Talks Break Down With Duda

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Way to go you Jew fucks! Way to make Duda not want to be here a day before the season. Hopefully he takes it out on you by playing his way off the team.

Love Duda. The Dude. Speak softly and carry a big stick. I think the Mets should lock him up! Pay heem. Pay zat man heez mahnee. 

So naturally the Mets nickel and dimed him (likely just pennies) and well…say bye-bye to the only 30 dinger guy on the team! Move the fences in for him and then lose him to free agency! At least that’s not as bad as what they did with Reyes: Build a stadium for him and then don’t even make an offer! 

P.S. Duda will hit 30 dingers this year and his price will go Up Up UP! 

P.P.S. The Mets claim that Madoff is no longer an issue? So what’s your fuckin excuse now?! The entire Madoff “issue” was just a lie. They’re criminals. They’re just cheap Jew fucks. 

The Mets Will Use deGrom as a Pinch Hitter

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During the offseason, we joked about how the Mets are so depthless (aka shallow) that deGrom is their best pinch hitter. 

Hilarious! 

…and it’s true. Terry Collins has announced that he will use deGrom as a PH.

A ball is gonna break his hand while he’s up there–perhaps while he’s putting a bunt down. Get ready for gaming teams to headhunt. Metsblow.

Update on Murphy’s Hamstring

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I can’t believe they’re trotting him out on Opening Day. Murph is gonna die on his feet out there.

He’s been assessed by our med team as day-to-day! That means all-star break at least! Don’t they learn anything? Murph = done.

He’s gonna re-aggravate it in game 1 and then he won’t play and he won’t get re-signed by the Mets. This is a play to lower his asking price. They’re gonna hurt him on purpose. But other teams will see through it and give him 4 yr/$40mil (or even $50mil) and he’ll take it.