Month: July 2015

PLAYOFFS!?!? WATCH

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Only because the NL blows.
Only because the NL blows.

The Mets are 1 game behind the Cubs for the 2nd wildcard spot. HA! The Cubs fucking destroyed us this year. They’re so much better than we are. But let’s just say that the Cubs struggle (they’ll play the Cards and Pirates a bunch, while we play the Phils and Marlins), and we end up making the 2nd wildcard (humor me). Everyone says, “oh, we’ve got the pitching! Just get in!” Newsflash to Metsblow nation: Are you fucking kidding me? If we play the Pirates in the wildcard matchup, we’re FUUUUUUCKED.

Here’s what’ll happen: deGrom will lose 1-0 to Gerrit Cole.

The run will be unearned. It will stem from a Murph error.

Cole with throw a CGSO.

He will face 29 batters in the game. Ruben Tejada, batting 2nd, will strike out swinging on a pitch in the dirt to end the game.

We will get 1 hit. It will be a double by Jacob deGrom. He will not advance beyond 2nd.

We will get 1 walk. It will be by Granderson to leadoff the game. Tejada will fail to get the bunt down, striking out in the process, and then Duda will hit into a double play.

1 more batter will reach base at some point in the game. The Pirates aren’t perfect. They make errors. So deGrom will probably reach base twice. But that’s it.

All of this assumes that we actually make it in. Maybe if we get Tulo.

Post/Preblow: Harvey Dinger

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Mets 4, DBacks 2

Well, naturally the Mets couldn’t generate any offense for Harvey. Fucking awful. But Harvey took matters into his own hands, hitting a game winning home run (that was reviewed and upheld).

I can’t give too much credit to Harvey. Something must be in the winds, because Tejada also had a home run. And Cuddyer had one yesterday. The Mets are homer happy!

I peeped the Angels/Mariners game last night. Mike Trout has more homers than the entire Mets team combined…and he’s not even leading the Angels.

In all seriousness, Harvey had an up and down 1st half, but coming off of TJ, he’s been stellar. Smoltz expects him to be “all the way back” by 2016, and that’s when we expect the Mets to compete anyway. We expect the Mets to make big moves this offseason, right? RIIIIIGHT?

Familia got the save. Kaboom.

PREBLOW: Jon Niese and the Mets go for the sweep today. It’d be nice to uplift the spirits before the all-star game. It’s important to inflate the balloon before mercilessly popping it.

Postblow/Preblow: Front Office Says, “REMAIN CALM! ALL IS WELL!”

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Exactly as I predicted, they blew his arm out.
Exactly as I predicted, they blew his arm out.

Mets 4, DBacks 1

Wow, talk about NUT FLEXING. A day after Matz goes down, the Mets let Thor off the leash.

(Back alley meeting: “We have to show the fans things are ok!! We have to keep lying to them!”)

Fuck them. Disgraceful. I predicted this in the preblow. Unreal. Flexing nuts x a billion. 116 pitches–with a cushy lead. Well, cushy by our standards.

Thor had a monster game, though. Let’s not discount that. I hate the franchise, but I love Thor. Damn. 5 aces. 5 TJs. 2 runs/gm.

Preblow: Today is #HarveyDay. Let’s leave em with a good taste in their mouths before the all-star break, and then let’s all crap out in the 2nd half and get injured and need more surgery and blah blah Pineda is looking healthy blah blah.

Preblow: Let’s Blow Syndergaard’s Arm Out!

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"OW MY MIGHTY SHOULDER."
“OW MY MIGHTY SHOULDER.”

Yaaaay! More young arms! Let’s blow em all out! BLOW EM OUT! BLOW EM OUT! Let’s waste our most precious resource–young arms–as quickly as possible! TJ for everyone! Syndergaard is as good as dead.

We’re facing the D-Backs, who are noted for being alive in the WC hunt, despite being a pretty bad team on paper. They’re 1 game behind us. That isn’t a testament to the D-Backs, that’s just a testament to how much of a joke the NLWC is, and how much the Mets fucking blow.

The following conversation was recorded between Steven Matz and the Jew brass:

Steven: My upper back is tingling.

Sandy: Oh, that’s not good.

Jeffy: TINGLE TINGLE LUMPAH!!!

Fred: Settle down, Jeffy.

Jeffy: TINGLE! TINGLE TINGLE!!

Steven: Yeah, it hurts every time I throw the ball.

Sandy: Just throw the ball more. Work your way through it. Try throwing more curveballs.

Steven: It just hurts a lot, ya know?

Terry: Have you talked to the medical staff about this?

Steven: We have a medical staff?

Stop The Presses: Matz Is Dead

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He’s deaaaaaad!!

Well, it was a good ride. But now it’s over. Our promising young lefty is dead. 

The Mets say, “several weeks with a lat strain,” which of course means, “death by fire.” 

The most obvious news I have ever heard EVER. Hearing that Matz is hurt sent a collective, “duhh” across Metsblow Nation. 

Promise being built up and then the rug being YANKED (fuck the Yankees) out from underneath us is long in the past. We don’t walk on the rug anymore. We just sit in the corner shooting heroin, waiting for the Wilpons to sell the team.

Postblow: deGrom Should Play Every Day

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Mets 4, Giants 1

What a gem for deGrom. 2 hits, 8 scoreless innings. What a way to respond to the Allstar nod. 

Parnell fucked up, and potential all-star Familia bailed him out. He gets another save. 

deGrom is the best shortstop on the team, bar NONE. He’s a better fielder and a better hitter than anyone we have for that position. It’s not a joke. It’s a fact. Start deGrom. He was responsible for the bulk of our offense today. 

Soup hit a dinger. The first non-Grandy dinger in about a fucking month. Contract extension, anyone?!

Plawecki is seeing the ball. Not “seeing the ball better.” Just “seeing the ball” for the first time since he got vertigo. They were putting him out there (because TDA is glass and Recker is dogshit) with vertigo–as in, a dude who is the equivalent of 30 beers deep and isn’t named Wade Boggs–because that’s what it’s come to. Hopefully Plawecki can be the guy from here on out. He’s seeing the ball! What an advantage!

So the Mets took 4 of 6 from the NL West’s best. Our pitching really is THAT good. And our hitting really is THAT bad. An average offense would have us winning 100 games this year. Instead, we’re in panic city, likely to go 81-81 at best. Best pitching + worst hitting + no fundies = under 81 wins. 

Postblow: Ah, Now That’s More Like It

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Giants 3, Mets 0

Ah, yes, all is right in Metsland. We’re back on our historic pace of most times getting shut the fuck out.

Observations:

~I see Ruben Sangwich is back at the 2-hole. Awesome. Real embarrassment to 2-hitters everywhere. It makes me angry that I’m considering my adept-at-hitting brother for the 2-hole on our softball team. (His words: “Softball is different. There’s no bunting or stealing. And besides, we get the most at bats.”) True, true. Good to see Ruben getting all these ABs.

~All in on Cap’n Kirk? He’s batting a muscular .095 this season. Did the Angels just throw him in a dumpster? And that dumpster traveled to Vegas? Why is he back here? We rejected him, every other team in the league rejected him, and now we’ve seen some kind of x-factor and brought him back?

—The Perfect juxaposition, of course, is that Hunter Pence returned for SF today and played stellar defense and hit 2 guys in.

~”Cain looking very hittable…as long as you’re not the Mets.” -Ron Darling

~The Mets made run-costing errors in the field. Again, as I stated above, all is right again in Metsland.

~Grandy getting doubled up at home on a shallow foul out by Tejada. Nice play, Hunter Pence. Nicer play, Mets. Just spectacular. We keep outshitting ourselves. You’d think we would’ve run out of diapers by now.

~During the top of the 9th, I checked the score app on my phone to review some things. However, the game wasn’t on the home screen. It was listed as “past.” I had to go into the archives. They called the game. Just straight called it. Put it in the books. Mets down 3-0 in the 9th? Update that “9” to an “F” please thank you good job. I’m all for that. It really shoulda been called before it started. Matt Cain? Get the fuck outta here.

Vote Familia

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Click Here To Vote

For me, the x-factor is that he stepped into this role without warning (Mejia’s injury and then suspension), and even more importantly, he is asked to throw 4 or even 5 out saves regularly.

Fuck Kershaw. Fuck Tulo. Vote Familia.

Also, have you seen the ASG roster? Did you know there are 7 former Mets position players or players the Mets easily could’ve acquired in the offseason playing? 7! If we had only gotten 1, imagine how much more prolific our offense would be. Maverick!

Post/Preblow: Back to Back Shutouts

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Mets 3, Giants 0

Well, all it takes for the Mets to win is letting up zero runs!

We’ve known this for some time. CGSOs or bust is the motto for the starting rotation. Niese was electric, and Familia got the save. Niese’s trade value is at it’s highest right now, so I’m sure the maverick will hold onto him and miss the trade deadline.

Tonight, Tolo vs Cain. Cain will probably bean David Wright and not receive retaliation for it. Oh, wait, that happened 5 years ago and Wright was never the same again? Ah, I see. 

Preblow: Another NoNo?

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The Mets travel to SF to take on the Giants, the other former NY team that the Mets took their colors from.

The Mets took 2 out of 3 in LA. But LA is all sizzle and no steak; all glamour and no substance. The Giants have the rings and the fundies and the coaching and the depth. 

They also have Heston–basically a scrub pitcher–who no hit us just a few weeks ago. Can the Mets get 1 hit tonight? Tune in and watch! It’s sure to be a thrill. The Mets, scoring 8 runs yesterday, have reached their quota for the entire week, so don’t expect a run. But can we expect a hit? …No. We cannot.