Yaaaay! More young arms! Let’s blow em all out! BLOW EM OUT! BLOW EM OUT! Let’s waste our most precious resource–young arms–as quickly as possible! TJ for everyone! Syndergaard is as good as dead.

We’re facing the D-Backs, who are noted for being alive in the WC hunt, despite being a pretty bad team on paper. They’re 1 game behind us. That isn’t a testament to the D-Backs, that’s just a testament to how much of a joke the NLWC is, and how much the Mets fucking blow.

The following conversation was recorded between Steven Matz and the Jew brass:

Steven: My upper back is tingling.

Sandy: Oh, that’s not good.

Jeffy: TINGLE TINGLE LUMPAH!!!

Fred: Settle down, Jeffy.

Jeffy: TINGLE! TINGLE TINGLE!!

Steven: Yeah, it hurts every time I throw the ball.

Sandy: Just throw the ball more. Work your way through it. Try throwing more curveballs.

Steven: It just hurts a lot, ya know?

Terry: Have you talked to the medical staff about this?

Steven: We have a medical staff?