He’s lookin’ good, folks!
Month: June 2015
Preblow: SF Should Have Their Brooms Handy
Tonight we’ll see Lincecum–who has found it again–battle Niese. Hmmm, I wonder who the polls are predicting to win this one…
All aboard the Sweep Express, CHOO CHOOOO. *Note: Jeff Wilpon will not be on the train, as he does not associate with the poors.
My war room [thank you war room!] has given me these numbers: Since our 11 game win streak, we have won 4 series (what’s the plural of series? Serieseseses?), split 2 series, and now have lost 8.
That win streak was in the long, LONG ago. This season has been dreadful. Fuck it. Bring up Conforto. Do something because we are fucking TERRIBLE.
Let Me Quelch the Trade Hype
The Mets have not activated Bobby Parnell because, “there’s something to occur in the next few days,” according to Collins.
Sycophantic Metsblog is exploding with trade hype.
Remember last year when this happened? Jeff Wilpon announced a presser, stepped up the mic, and said, “ladies and gentlemen…we have acquired…BOYS II MEEEENNNNN!!!!”
That actually happened. Jeff Wilpon is actually that tone deaf to his fan base. Don’t get me wrong, Boys II Men are definitely NOT tone deaf. They are soulful and cool, but Jeff legitimately thought the fanbase would be appeased by that press conference. He went back to the war room his playroom scratching his head wondering why the fanbase for a team that scores less than 3 runs/game wasn’t satisfied with his great announcement.
So what will it be this time? Will the Mets get Ryan Braun for Thor, Niese, and Montero in a blow-it-up deal? Not a fucking chance. It’s more likely that we’ll be trading George Costanza for Tyler Chicken. We’ll end up trading someone like Gee for Aramis Ramirez, which would be a terrible trade because Ramirez is garbage and the only running he’s doing is to retirement. But hey, not like we need a 3rd baseman, Wright will be back by May 15th! (*another Pinocchio picture could be placed here*)
Don’t get worked up, Metsblowers. This trade hype is doodoo. It’s all doodoo. Remember when the Mets traded Nolan Ryan away? Har har fucking har. We’re not so hot at trades.
We here at Metsblow have the best War Room money can’t buy. I am greatly appreciative for all the stats and insight that is provided to me through my war room. Today, this was brought to my attention:
Since Jose Reyes was let go, he has played in 430 games. D-Wright has played in 410.
When asked to comment on this, Jeff Wilpon said, “So you’re saying we should’ve let BOTH walk? I understand.” Nice one, Jeffy, you jew fuck asshole.
It’s funny how Jewness is such a debilitating disease. The short-sighted cheapness actually creates much larger money problems down the road. It’s like saying, “Oh, I don’t want to spend $500 on a lawyer, so I’ll just handle the case myself,” only to end up having the judge declare against you, and you lose hundreds of thousands as a result of your penny pinching.
Alderson and the rest of ’em will continue to play wait-and-see with Wright. They will continue to pinch the pennies. They will continue to be the Mets.
“Let’s see if Soup and Recker can get it going before making any rash decisions. No need to panic. Wright will be back by May 15th. And there’s no way any of our other key pieces–like Daniel Murphy or Juan Lagares–will get hurt. And besides, we’ve got Herrera and Kirk to sub in if we need them to.” -Sandy Alderson on May 10th.
P.S. We’ll see Reyes (and The Dickpiece) next week. We should be comfortably in 3rd place by then.
Postblow: Harvey is Reeling
Giants 8, Mets 5
Dang, Harvey sucks, huh? He sucks almost as much as our baserunning, which cost us about 3 runs yesterday.
Harvey has off-season lag. I’m not too worried about it. He didn’t pitch for 12 months. It’s natural. I’m MUUUUUCH more concerned with the O. We have the worst O I’ve ever seen ever ever ever ever…since last year’s team. Yesterday, Campbell stranded a runner on 3rd in back to back innings. Maybe the “trade hype” for Aramis Ramirez will pull through. Nah, let’s hold out. After all, David Wright will be back by May 15th.
But seriously, c’mon Harvey. 0-2 cheese to Posey are you fucking kidding? Keith really got him for this one. Stop trying to out-BARK and out-BITE everyone. Get smart, Matt! That was the turning point of the game. Inexcusable.
Sideblow: Joe West is sooooo bad. The new replay initiatives show that he is maybe actually blind.
Postblow, Preblow, No-No
Giants 5, Mets 0…and 0 hits as well.
It’s only 1 game. We’re still in 1st place! Hahahaha. No big deal. I’m surprised that studs like Recker, Soupman, and Money Muno weren’t able to get hits.
At least it was Bumgarner and not some doodoo rookie scrub, right? RIIIIGHT?
Pagan had an RBI. Hahahahaha. Good thing we got rid of him for Andres Torres.
The Mets are dead last in turning double plays. THE FUNDIES!!
Plawecki was once again out with the dizzies. Hello, HELLOOOOO, may I please go vertigo? Well, with the stud Anthony Recker on the squad, it’s no big deal! TDA returns today so send down Plawecki because he needs his reps! Some drunken roulette spins in Vegas should stave off the dizziness.
[PREBLOW] Matt Harvey vs Tim Hudson tonight. CGSO or bust, Matt! You know it! We know it! Everyone in Metsblownation fucking knows it. Good fucking luck getting a W with this team. Enjoy your Yankee pinstripes in 3 years. God fucking dammit.
…
And a few additional blows for ya:
1) In the bottom of the 9th, all 3 outs (Muno, Grandy, Ruben) were backwards Ks. Metsblow.
2) Pitching in relief for the first time this year, Dillon Gee, perhaps out of spite, let up a dinger to the first batter he faced.
3) It’s uhhh…only…uhhh…one game. Oh wait, the Mets are 13-17 in their last 30 games? It’s uhh…only 30 games…
Mets Are Psyched For the Draft
Ready for the draft? WOOOOOOT!
Maverick made some maverick moves, huh! Good thing we have Cuddyer. We don’t need a farm system! It’s not like the Astros went from awful to great because of their farm system! Fuck the farm! Make it a slaughterhouse!
In all seriousness, and with great trepidation, I must say that Cuddy has been finding his legs in NY. He’s been an above average player for the past few weeks. Keep trending up, and the whole thing might actually be worth it. The jury is still out.
[SERIES PREBLOW] Alderson Claims We’re Healthy; A Fun Drinking Game
Well, according to Sandy, TDA, Herrera, and Parnell will all be back on Wednesday.
Alderson to Mets Fans: Don’t Worry, Your Stars (Except Wright and Murph) Will Be Back In Time To Get Swept by the Giants.
Thanks, Sandy! I can’t wait to see them in the lineup. It’ll be great that they can join the team just in time to get rocked by SF.
Do the Giants even have good hitting!? No!! In fact, they’re comparable to the Mets. So how do they win so many more games championships? How do they score so many more runs? It’s called FUNDIES! Oh, Keith, we love you. Fundies, fundies, fundies!
Play a drinking game this series. The categories are: Sac bunts, sac flies, productive outs, stolen bases, sliding without getting injured, hit & run, hitting behind the runner, Every time the Giants offense does one of these, drink. Every time the Mets offense fails to do one of these, drink. Play this drinking game and see your liver destroyed by Thursday. Metsblow.
Dillon Gee and the 5.5-Man Rotation
“I just don’t even care anymore.” Fucking gold! You, sir, belong on Metsblow.
That quote should be up there with Joe Namath’s, “I couldn’t care less/I wanna kiss you.” (Link is absolutely necessary).
So, shouldn’t all the Mets coaches and staff be fired for this shit? “6-man! 5-man! Whatever! We don’t know what we’re doing!”
Once again, the mission statement of Metsblow breezes on: We here at Metsblow believe that just by sitting back and letting the Mets do their thing–from the players to the coaches to the front office etc.–all the articles will come naturally. No spinning is required. No hyperbole is required. Just sit back and let the Mets write the articles by themselves. Metsblow.
Postblow: Road Split?! Hallelujah!
Mets 6, Diamondbacks 3
Wow! Runs! Wow! Whooooa! Grandy with two dingers woooow.
So Harvey and deGrom got their Ws, while Niese and Colon, also throwing quality starts, did not. Ho-hum, another day another Jew dollar (shekel?) for the Mets.
And we lost Daniel Murphy. What a road trip!
Postblow: Guess How Many Runs We Scored
Diamondbacks 2, Mets 1
1 run! An oppo pop-up by injured Juanny Beisbol that sailed over the fence in the AZ heat and gusting winds.
1 run! Nice try, guys! Wow! 1! That’s infinitely higher than zero! Wow! Yay! 1! Against the worst pitching in the league!
Another QS that ends in an L. Yaaaaay!!
We’re wasting the greatest pitching in team (league?!) history. The futility is shocking and downright impressive. You really have to be a corrosive, pathetic organization from the top-down in order to blow this hard.
MetsBlow 