The Mets have lost 7 in a row. They have scored 9 runs during that span. Yes, you read that right.
And we knew it was going to happen, too. The second we peeped the lineup, we knew it was over. Tejada, Money Monell, Soup…just absolutely no way we were doing jack shit. Worst lineup in franchise history. Binghamton has a better lineup. So do the 51s.
Our lineup did this last night: 3 hits, 1 walk, 1 double play. 30 batters in total. Team BA of .100 niiiiiiice.
It was officially over in the bottom of the 1st inning, when Colon let up two runs. The game started at 8:10 and ended at 8:22.
Lucas Duda made mental error # 1 billion on the season. Claim your prize, Lucas! It was followed by what was scored a hit in the playbook, but only because Flores is a Mighty Oak at SS. Then, a run scored, making for immediate capitalization on our mental error and shitty defense.
Preblow: deGrom goes tonight. YOU KNOW THE DEAL!! CGSO OR BUST!! Nothing else can be said about the preblow. That’s it. CGSO or bust. That’s actually IT. There’s nothing else to report. Sandy Alderson is a Mighty Oak at GM, so nothing will move, and this shit will stay exactly the same, and it will be dogshit.
We made an error, an unearned run came in, and THAT’S THE GAME. Did the Mets have a hit after the 4th inning?
The Mets are at .500 again. They score less runs than the Phillies. I think we will finish above them in the standings, but don’t be surprised if the Mets finish in 4th.
Preblow: Tolo goes tonight. Whatever. Who cares? The Mets are 3-17 in their last 20 road games.
This is the worst season I’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen a team do less with more. I’ve never seen a starting rotation this good, and that’s what makes it all the worse.
The Mets said d’Arnaud was perfectly fine. They said he’d be back today. DUHHHHH HE’S DEAD!!!
If you expected the Mets front office to tell the truth; if you expected d’Arnaud to be fine; if you expected d’Arnaud to be in tonight’s lineup, then you have no brain. Or you’re just new to the fanbase. Get a taste. This is what it’s like.
Here’s what has happened in the last 24 hours. None of this is exaggerated or spun or given the usual Metsblow zing. This is just the hard poop.
~Opening Day 2014 starter Dillon Gee went unclaimed and got bounced to Vegas. He is, in the eyes of Major League Baseball, officially worthless.
~The Cubs tried to trade with us and we passed. We passed on Baez, an objectively better SS than anyone we have.
~Mets postseason odds, according to the all-knowing computer on mlb.com, hit a season low at 28%.
~With Conforto raking in the minors, Sandy announced that he had no intention of bringing him up.
~The Athletics openly stated they are willing to deal Zobrist, a stud that plays multiple infield positions that we desperately need. We made a hard pass.
~Daniel Murphy suffered a setback. This is the 2nd time in a week that the Mets have lied about his return date.
~Travis d’Arnaud, expected back in the lineup today, is still hyperextended. He’s probably dead. HYPER MODE activated *cue music from Marvel v. Capcom.*
~The normally sycophantic Mets media is pushing for Flores to be moved off SS. The normally sycophantic Mets media, for the first time I’ve ever seen, is fed up. Usually they call for the manager’s head (they’re doing that, too) as a way to alleviate blame from the front office. Today, they are vocally distraught over the polarization of our pitching and the rest of our play. They are deeming Sandy a “procrastinator,” and saying that a move must be made now. Because the future is now. They’re actually quoting Metsblow. It’s a sight to behold. The Mets front office can’t even keep the guys they pay to write nice things in check.
~Former Met Darryl Hamilton was tragically shot and killed in a murder-suicide.
The Brewers are technically the 2nd worst team in the league. They are 1/2 game in front of the Phillies for that honor.
So here’s what I think happens: I think the Mets take 2 out of 3. Niese, Colon, and deGrom against trash pitching. Much like we showed against the Blue Jays, we can QUIET DOWN any bats. And against dogshit pitching like the Phillies/Brewers, we can score 1 (maybe even 2!) runs.
Here’s what will happen next: Sandy will go, “Seeee! Seeee! We’re fiiiine. It was just the curse of Turner Field.” We have a knack for putting masking tape on hemorrhagic wounds.
Have we run out of masking tape? Not with our pitching. It’s possible we lose 1-0 for the rest of the season. It really is. I don’t deny that possibility. But the Mets have shown that they’re a not-completely-dogshit team because of their 10/10 pitching and 0/10 hitting and fielding. That’s better than teams like the Phillies and the Brewers.
Listen, I don’t like to go off book, too much. Metsblow prides itself on it’s sitcom-like formula: Mets show promise in Spring, this year’s gonna be different, Metsblow, struggling, sputtering, signs of life, masking tape, struggling, wheels fall off, repeat. Classic formula. Bang, zoom, to the moon! We like to focus on the Mets and how much they blow. I don’t like to talk too much about other teams, unless it’s to preview them before they roll into town and destroy us.
But I have to go out of MLB today. I have to because my alma mater, Vanderbilt, is one win away from the college chip. Dansby Swanson, last year’s CWS MVP, was the #1 draft pick. This would make for back-to-back chips for Vandy.
So, is a college team better than the Mets? We know for a FACT that the Mets minor leaguers are better than the major leaguers (see the plot of Major League 3: Back to the Minors), and that they’re only still down there because they need their “reps.” Don’t believe me? Well, what about when Thor was down there? Thor and Matz are taking 2 out of 3 in 3 game series against us, MARK IT DOWN. They score runs.
Anyway, this is a huge rant (like every article). I’ll stick to the Mets, I swear. But I just want to let the world know that a college team is better than the Mets. They’re better. They’re actually better. They score runs sometimes.
What’s the point of typing this? Sloppy etc, Fundies etc, d’Arnaud hurt, “we’re waiting for David Wright’s return” etc, blah blah fucking blah.
Here is a quote from the Maverick a few years back:
“We like what we’re seeing from Andres Torres. We don’t think Pagan will pan out.” *Cut to Pagan winning rings on rings*
And one from the most recent offseason:
“There was really nobody available.” *Cut to Kang and Pittsburg winning the wildcard*
Freeman didn’t even play yesterday, or the day before. The Braves not only gift-wrapped the series, but let’s be real here, they went into this season with wrapping paper. “Yeah we’re gonna give up Upton and Kimbrel and really look to bolster ourselves for a 2017 run.” And then on June 1, they amended that statement with, “Wait, everyone the division sucks dick? Yeah, ok, I guess we’re in it, then.”
We are 3-15 in our last 18 road games. Wow. I guess it makes sense. We’re just a simple, small market team, after all. MAVERICK!
In the 1st inning, the Braves made a mental error and our announcers made the following exchange:
Keith- Mental error #1 on the game goes to the Braves! I’ll try and keep track of the mental error score today. I don’t know if I can.
Ron- You’ll need an abacus.
Shortly after this conversation, d’Arnaud threw a ball down to 2nd on a stolen base attempt and nobody was covering the base. It was amazing. You could hear Keith’s bottle slamming the table. *glug glug THUMP.* Ronnie said, “It’s so sloppy. Is this single-A ball?” They were going off. Shortly after, Campbell (playing 3rd) stepped on 3rd instead of throwing home on a crucial play. Keith went nuts. More from them:
Ron- It’s suspect. Really suspect.
Keith- The infield defense is not good. Not good at all.
No other announcer in the league would dream of this kind of blunt talk.
Burn Turner Field to the ground (2 more years!). It’s hainted. Hainted I tells ya. We give 32 outs per game.
1 positive note: Grandy hit a ball 420ft. Whooooooo cares? The Braves, with the worst pen in the league, basically mowed us down anyway.
d’Arnaud got hurt and his dead. Good thing we have these new safety rules at the plate!!
ANOTHER LIE DEJA FUCKING VU: Daniel Murphy will be back on Saturday. NOPE. Daniel Murphy will be back on Tuesday. NOPE. Just tell us he’s dead! We can take the news. We just can’t take the lies. WE HATE YOU, JEFF WILPON. WE ALL HATE YOU. FUCK YOU.
It’s really all happening. Deja Vu argh. We’re gonna set a ML record for injuries and for lowest ERA ever to miss the playoffs.
Wave bye-bye to first place. We’re officially .5 games back. Say bye-bye, sweetie! WAIVE bye bye to Gee. Opening Day starter 2014. Worthless. Completely worthless. Nice job, Maverick! Meanwhile, Scherzer is the best pitcher in baseball, throwing a nono last night (should’ve been a perfect game but the Pirates out-gamed him by leaning into a pitch). It makes sense that the Nats picked him up. Their staff was SO BAD last year. That’s why they made the move. They didn’t have ANY PITCHING LAST YEAR. Oh, wait, they had the best pitching in league history? And made a move anyway? To improve? But why improve? I don’t understand. That’s not the maverick way.
Today, the Mets try to avoid the sweep against a Braves team that doesn’t have Freeman (their best player bar none). Harvey v Teheran. Happy #HarveyDay whatever fuck you.
The face of an owner who has really got his shit together, right?
The Mets currently have 4 aces and are still blowing hard dick. Bring up Matz and it’s 5 aces. HOORAY! Now we can lose 1-0 or 2-1 EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
I know the box score says that deGrom blew it. Same with Tolo. BUT IT IS NOT TRUE. The fundies, dammit! ON BOTH SIDES! We can’t field bunts and we can’t lay them down. It’s embarrassing to watch. It’s disgusting. Even Collins–yes I know he has a scrub lineup–is to blame. You have to teach this shit.
Are we 1 month away from Conforto? He’s raking. How do we make room for him? Well, Lagares needs TJ. OOPS! So that solves that. Also Cuddy will be hurt soon. Lock.
Nimmo is back from the DL. So Conforto and Nimmo are the answers? We’re going to go ALL-IN on guys that have zero ML ABs?! We have a 3-year window with these aces.
Wheeler won’t be back until the All-Star Break anyway. You need a bat. You need two. We completely fucked up by not trading Tolo when he was 5-0 and had value. Now he’s worthless again. The best chance we have is Montero getting healthy and rocking it for a month and then dishing him.
Hell, Conforto and Nimmo are doomed, anyway. The Mets will mismanage their injuries and hail them as saviors with impossible expectations and they’ll be hurt and done by June.
Gee is gone. We gave Logan Verrett his number. Opening starter 2014. Nothing to show for it. METSBLOW! Gee will probably get picked up by the Cubs and the Cubs will win the 2nd Wildcard over us.
The Cubs are smart. Theo (GM) won’t give up Addison Russell for less than Matz AND Thor. WOOF! We’re sitting here scoring 0.000 runs/gm and Theo knows it. And he’s barking. And Sandy’s peeing his pants.
Herrera will replace Murph. Murph gonna walk. 100% lock. We’ll get nothing for him.
We won’t spend a dime. JEW COVETOUSNESS. We let Reyes walk!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
We made a hard pass on Uribe. “WHY WOULD WE NEED A GUY BATTING .290!?” -Alderson
I have 2 solutions:
1) Go get an impact bat. You have to. Go and do it. Either bring Conforto up or convince the Cubs somehow to get us Soler and/or Baez (he’s hurt, might be a discount).
2) Jeff Wilpon should kill himself. Go ahead and kill yourself.
MetsBlow 