The Mets currently have 4 aces and are still blowing hard dick. Bring up Matz and it’s 5 aces. HOORAY! Now we can lose 1-0 or 2-1 EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

I know the box score says that deGrom blew it. Same with Tolo. BUT IT IS NOT TRUE. The fundies, dammit! ON BOTH SIDES! We can’t field bunts and we can’t lay them down. It’s embarrassing to watch. It’s disgusting. Even Collins–yes I know he has a scrub lineup–is to blame. You have to teach this shit.

Are we 1 month away from Conforto? He’s raking. How do we make room for him? Well, Lagares needs TJ. OOPS! So that solves that. Also Cuddy will be hurt soon. Lock.

Nimmo is back from the DL. So Conforto and Nimmo are the answers? We’re going to go ALL-IN on guys that have zero ML ABs?! We have a 3-year window with these aces.

Wheeler won’t be back until the All-Star Break anyway. You need a bat. You need two. We completely fucked up by not trading Tolo when he was 5-0 and had value. Now he’s worthless again. The best chance we have is Montero getting healthy and rocking it for a month and then dishing him.

Hell, Conforto and Nimmo are doomed, anyway. The Mets will mismanage their injuries and hail them as saviors with impossible expectations and they’ll be hurt and done by June.

Gee is gone. We gave Logan Verrett his number. Opening starter 2014. Nothing to show for it. METSBLOW! Gee will probably get picked up by the Cubs and the Cubs will win the 2nd Wildcard over us.

The Cubs are smart. Theo (GM) won’t give up Addison Russell for less than Matz AND Thor. WOOF! We’re sitting here scoring 0.000 runs/gm and Theo knows it. And he’s barking. And Sandy’s peeing his pants.

Herrera will replace Murph. Murph gonna walk. 100% lock. We’ll get nothing for him.

We won’t spend a dime. JEW COVETOUSNESS. We let Reyes walk!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

We made a hard pass on Uribe. “WHY WOULD WE NEED A GUY BATTING .290!?” -Alderson

I have 2 solutions:

1) Go get an impact bat. You have to. Go and do it. Either bring Conforto up or convince the Cubs somehow to get us Soler and/or Baez (he’s hurt, might be a discount).

2) Jeff Wilpon should kill himself. Go ahead and kill yourself.