Braves 6, Mets 4

What’s the point of typing this? Sloppy etc, Fundies etc, d’Arnaud hurt, “we’re waiting for David Wright’s return” etc, blah blah fucking blah.

Here is a quote from the Maverick a few years back:

“We like what we’re seeing from Andres Torres. We don’t think Pagan will pan out.” *Cut to Pagan winning rings on rings*

And one from the most recent offseason:

“There was really nobody available.” *Cut to Kang and Pittsburg winning the wildcard*

Freeman didn’t even play yesterday, or the day before. The Braves not only gift-wrapped the series, but let’s be real here, they went into this season with wrapping paper. “Yeah we’re gonna give up Upton and Kimbrel and really look to bolster ourselves for a 2017 run.” And then on June 1, they amended that statement with, “Wait, everyone the division sucks dick? Yeah, ok, I guess we’re in it, then.”

We are 3-15 in our last 18 road games. Wow. I guess it makes sense. We’re just a simple, small market team, after all. MAVERICK!

In the 1st inning, the Braves made a mental error and our announcers made the following exchange:

Keith- Mental error #1 on the game goes to the Braves! I’ll try and keep track of the mental error score today. I don’t know if I can.

Ron- You’ll need an abacus.

Shortly after this conversation, d’Arnaud threw a ball down to 2nd on a stolen base attempt and nobody was covering the base. It was amazing. You could hear Keith’s bottle slamming the table. *glug glug THUMP.* Ronnie said, “It’s so sloppy. Is this single-A ball?” They were going off. Shortly after, Campbell (playing 3rd) stepped on 3rd instead of throwing home on a crucial play. Keith went nuts. More from them:

Ron- It’s suspect. Really suspect.

Keith- The infield defense is not good. Not good at all.

No other announcer in the league would dream of this kind of blunt talk.

Burn Turner Field to the ground (2 more years!). It’s hainted. Hainted I tells ya. We give 32 outs per game.

1 positive note: Grandy hit a ball 420ft. Whooooooo cares? The Braves, with the worst pen in the league, basically mowed us down anyway.

d’Arnaud got hurt and his dead. Good thing we have these new safety rules at the plate!!

ANOTHER LIE DEJA FUCKING VU: Daniel Murphy will be back on Saturday. NOPE. Daniel Murphy will be back on Tuesday. NOPE. Just tell us he’s dead! We can take the news. We just can’t take the lies. WE HATE YOU, JEFF WILPON. WE ALL HATE YOU. FUCK YOU.

It’s really all happening. Deja Vu argh. We’re gonna set a ML record for injuries and for lowest ERA ever to miss the playoffs.

Wave bye-bye to first place. We’re officially .5 games back. Say bye-bye, sweetie! WAIVE bye bye to Gee. Opening Day starter 2014. Worthless. Completely worthless. Nice job, Maverick! Meanwhile, Scherzer is the best pitcher in baseball, throwing a nono last night (should’ve been a perfect game but the Pirates out-gamed him by leaning into a pitch). It makes sense that the Nats picked him up. Their staff was SO BAD last year. That’s why they made the move. They didn’t have ANY PITCHING LAST YEAR. Oh, wait, they had the best pitching in league history? And made a move anyway? To improve? But why improve? I don’t understand. That’s not the maverick way.

Today, the Mets try to avoid the sweep against a Braves team that doesn’t have Freeman (their best player bar none). Harvey v Teheran. Happy #HarveyDay whatever fuck you.