Montero’s Dead

Montero is getting an MRI on his throwing (right) shoulder. Asst. GM John Ricco said it’s just precautionary.

He’s deeeeead! Oh, it’s ok, it’s just precautionary! He doesn’t have METS disease! It’s just precautionary! We’ve booked a trip to the morgue, just as a precaution. We’ve alerted his next of kin that they’re about to come into some money, just as a precaution. We’ve bought flowers, just as a precaution.

P.S. For the love of god, don’t send him to the team doctors!

P.P.S. I’d rather have dead Montero than Valverde. I can’t believe the Nats signed him. They’re panicking. I’m sure he’ll dominate our shitty lineup, but they’ve definitely hit the panic button.

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