For all those douchebags that were saying, “we’re taking the city back!” 1) Fuck You. 2) The Yankees have a better record than us.

For all those douchebags that were saying, “our offense is finally clicking!” 1) Fuck You. 2) We have scored 11 runs in the past 7 games. We have scored zero runs in the past 18 innings (we lost both games 1-0). The game before that, we won 1-0 thanks to a heroic effort from our hero, Matt Harvey. Oh, wait, that game was actually 4-0 thanks to Werth falling down in left field. See, we can get insurance runs! It’s all good!

For all those douchebags that are saying, “Wright will be back soon! d’Arnaud, too!” 1) Fuck You. 2) Wright’s timetable has already been pushed back three times. And by timetable, I mean the blatant lie that we were told when he first went down. 3) d’Arnaud is d’Ead.

At least even the biggest Spring-hopeful-bandwagoner Mets fans recognized right away how much our middle infield fucking blows.