Just two things:

1) Take back the city? Fuck that. Fuck the bandwagoners. Oooh, you root for both NY teams? Oh, you’re just a fan of New York? In the words of Leo Dicaprio, you’re a “two-faced faggot.” I’m glad that the Mets are getting lots of attention. They deserve it. Cespedes deserves it. Let’s win the fucking division. But I don’t want to hear shit about “the city” and whatnot. The Mets have a job to do this weekend, and that’s win baseball games against a good team. Yankee fans suck ass. It couldn’t be more of a microcosm of the personality of a Yankee fan that when the Mets do well, they’re Mets fans, too. Whatever. Root for us. Fine. If it means more dollars that the Jewpons will have to get Cespedes, then I’m all for it.

2) I like Matz and Thor a lot. They oppose Tanaka and Pineda. Both Tanaka and Pineda shouldn’t be pitching. They’re both cheaters with magical arms that have somehow not fallen off, yet. It makes no sense. Any pitcher on any other team would need TJ by now. I don’t get it. And by, “I don’t get it,” I mean I totally DO get it and it’s that the Gods are on their side and they cheat and roid up big time and have magical healing powers. Every coin flip always lands up for the Yankees. And by coin flip, I mean they cheat at every turn. The Yankees are the Patriots. Hell, their names are even similarly jingoistic. New Yorkers should understand that by now.