mets

Who The Fuck Else?

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Yo after his walkoff BOMB

I can’t believe it’s a “hot take” to scream and holler about paying Yo. Are you fucking kidding me, Jewpons? Do you not see Piazza jerseys everywhere? Do you not understand that competitive relevance and superstardom are your biggest moneymakers? Fuck you, you stupid Jews. Greedy Jews ain’t new but stupid Jews gives us a bad name you fucking retards.

Of course Yo did it. Who the fuck else would? Shoutout to Reyes for manufacturing the tying run in the 8th. Shoutout to Montero for returning from the dead and pitching 5 scoreless innings. In 2013, this guy had Harvey hype! And we haven’t even heard his name in over a year. Ahhh, Mets prospects. But hey, he came back from the dead. Impressive. Let’s see him do it again. 

Mets Are Relaxed; Pay Yo!

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Anyone else notice a sliiiight change in output since Yo returned to the lineup? He makes EVERYONE better, even the pitchers, because they’re all more relaxed. Yo is the epicenter and everything stems from him. Pay him. Fucking pay him.

Also the Phillies have HORRIBLE pitching.

Also Ruggiano is already dead and we should pray for deGrom.

Collins is Confused

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Terry Collins is confused. First of all, we’re winning a game here and there. That’s confusing as shit. But let’s go over the actual things he fucked up.

Collins let COLON swing away with a runner on 1st and 1 out. He took the bunt off with 0-1. UNREAL. UN FUCKING REAL. That right there is a fire-worthy offense. And what’s your argument there, Terry? That he’s not a good bunter? That’s because you haven’t taught him, you fucking mook!

Having only allowed maybe 1 hit all game at this point (maybe 2 at most), Collins had Big Sexy IBB the #8 hitter with two outs and a runner on second. Colon, visibly pissed at this, promptly let up an RBI single to the pitcher. Was it on purpose? No. But did Terry’s lack of faith in his ace disturb the team? Absolutely. He did a LOT to fuck this game up. Luckily the Phillies can’t pitch for shiiiiit and we teed off on em.

Flores was very lucky. The grand salami was skillful, but he should have been TRUCKED at 1st base earlier in the game. Good thing the Phillies ain’t playing for shit and are baby soft. Utley would’ve killed him. Flores doesn’t know how to play 1st and he should’ve been injured on a play where he lollygagged to 1st after (poorly) fielding a grounder and didn’t toss it to Bart.

Jay Bruce had a golden sombrero. Andelay!

I attended this game. Colon is riveting on the mound and at the plate. Seeing him get two hits was cool. Seeing the Mets win was cool. But the most exciting part by far is Yo. He is the TRUTH. Sign him up forever. Reyes has brought welcomed energy to the team. But the team goes how Yo goes and everyone knows it. He hits the ball harder than anyone I’ve ever seen. He shoots middle and makes the pitchers shit themselves.

 

deAd? Say It Ain’t So

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MLB: New York Mets at St. Louis Cardinals
Don’t pat him too hard, Terry. He’s aching.

I’ve never done seent deGrom pitch so poorly once, let alone twice in a row. I can only assume he’s badly injured. Bye bye ace! Bye bye rotation! I fucking love deGrom. We all do, obviously. He’s the only good player on the team, really (besides Yo). And now he’s probably deAd. He’s just letting up dinger after dinger. It’s so fucking bad.

So what the fuck are the Mets gonna do? Where the fuck is Montero!? What a classic Mets prospect!

Also, Bruce got what was practically his first hit ever as a Met and then came up lame. He should be fine. Apparently it’s a re-aggravation from when he fouled a ball off his leg this past weekend. At least he got a fucking hit.

Terry is really bad at making the lineup. Make a damn lineup and stick to it. Our pitching has fallen apart but we’ve actually been scoring runs recently. Reyes 1, Dru 2, and so on. It’s not complicated. I guess it’s tougher with Neil on paternity leave. But it’s not. Really, it’s not. Yo 1, Yo 2, Yo 3…

 

 

The Mets Are The Best

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3 in a row!? Hey, let’s crown em!! Above .500!? WOW!! Crown their asses!

Niese is dead. He’s not a major leaguer anymore, anyway. Fake deGrom Gsellman looked sharp in his debut. Real deGrom goes tomorrow, so this series is a wrap! Not like he’s ever blown a big lead (I’m confident he’ll bounce back).

Matz is dead. Pray for him.

Remember last year how we got EXPOSED for having horrendous defense? I think that still comes into play. Instead of Duda chucking it and Murphy booting it, we’ve got guys like Cabrera making slick ass plays. Cespedes made a monster grab, too. He belongs in LF. Just fucking listen to him. He says, “I prefer left,” so let him play fucking left. The team really goes as he goes, and I think everyone just feels good with him in the lineup, myself included. Of course, we were also exposed by the Royals for being poorly coached/trained. Not sure how to fix that one.

Pray for Doc. I don’t even consider Straw a narc, here. Dude’s concerned about his boy. He’s intervening. There’s a difference between intervening and tattling.

You Can’t Spell Playoffs Without Yo

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**DOUBLE UPDATE: Cespedes only needs to hit 1 (yes, just 1!) home run per game as long as Thor throws 8 scoreless innings per start. The studs must be STUDLY!!

**UPDATE: I’ve crunched the numbers, and I’ve determined that all Cespedes needs to do is hit two home runs per game and we’ll make the playoffs. 80 dingers in 40 games. Can he do it? It’s our only hope.

 

Playoffs?! Playoffs?! I just hope we can finish over .500 wooooow do we blow.

Still nice to see Yo and Asdrubal activated. It’s really a much better team now. We’ll only get blown out by 7 or 8 instead of 30.

Hopefully they can get their sea legs and do some damage. For the love of God, sign Yo. Dunno if you’ve been paying attention, Jewpons, buuuuut I think Bruce, Grandy, and Conforto ain’t exactly gonna cut it out there.

The Last Wheel Done Come Off

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motorcycle

Hey, at least we’ve still got our pitching, right? Oh, Fam can’t even get it done anymore? Well, at least we’ve still got our starting pitching, RIGHT!?

Nope. We now officially have NOTHING. We have less than what Jon Snow knows.

For the record–deGrom is still my boy. It’s just one game. But maaaaaaaan did we need this one. You can’t “get to” Bumgarner and lose. Jeeeez who the fuck had the Over in this game? Shit must’ve been goin off at 10:1 or something. Amazing. Nobody could’ve seen it coming. The only thing that everyone saw coming was that the Mets would lose so I guess it all ended up as predicted.

Mets Turn to Niese

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With a schnoz like his, no wonder the Jewpons brought him back.

Not Harvey. Not Wheeler. Big Logan had his chance. We rely on Niese now. Jon fucking Niese. Swing for the fences, buddy! If Thor can do it, so can you!

We’re gonna lose another series to the D-Backs and their healthy Cubano. That’s really something.

 

UPDATE: We lost and Niese got shelled. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN? Now we’ll face the Giants, who are far better than the D-Backs. Can we put the season to bed yet? deGrom vs Bumgarner would’ve looked like a riveting matchup preseason. Maaaaaan he can’t wait to be on a team that doesn’t blow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walkin’, Yes Indeed I’m Walkin’

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Not talkin’ bout Neil Walker. Not talkin’ bout walking away from this terrible season and franchise. Obviously, I’m talkin’ bout Big Sexy’s first career walk. Mazel Tov. What a delightful distraction from what’s really going on here. Do we feel like winners after that? We can’t beat the D-Backs–thanks to some unearned runs–so everyone get excited to see how we fare against the far superior Giants and Cardinals the next couple of series.

Did you know that walking is an Olympic sport? I’m pretty sure that the racewalkers get beat up by the Special Olympians.

“BALL 4! BALL 4!! HE WALKS!! THE GREATEST WALK IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS!!!” -Gary Cohen’s walk call.