Will the Mets lose today? Probably. I’m not even gonna wait to post this.
I don’t care! The Gods are good!! Somehow, Cespedes isn’t dead. The last 3 hours took about 3 years off my life. But we prayed to the Red God and Yoenis is born again. Good news for Mets fans. This season is so not us. We never get good news. Unreal.
Don’t play the starters. Philly is after us. The Nats will be, too. Don’t risk it. Sit the starters. Sit them and pray.
By the way, Flores left the game with lower back stiffness. Same as Matz. Spinal stenosis is contagious. Pray pray pray.
Oh and also, this game totally sucked. Long and painful and sloppy as shit. Look how much we blow without Cespedes.
Cespedes says that he’ll take a 6 year deal. By putting that number on the board, Cespedes is openly stating, “I’ll stay if they’ll have me.” Holy balls he’s begging us to sign him. No 7yr deals is Alderson’s THING.
If the Jewpons can’t offer the best player in franchise history a legitimate 6 year deal ($175m), then you have to sell the team. He wants to be here. Just give him what he wants.
Are the Dodgers or Yankees going to offer him something ridiculous like 6 years/$200m? Can’t be. That’s nuts. But why not? We’re talking about a legend here. The Mets have to give him enough. If the Mets let him go, Metsblow will make the Jewpons pay with fire and blood. Either way, I’m getting his jersey.
I don’t think we’re gonna sign Cespedes. I think we’re sooo alllllll in this year. When have we ever made these kind of moves? We usually just let the bullpen tank to shit. This year we got Clippard AND Reed? I don’t think we should get used to it.
P.S. The racist FOX broadcasters are talking about Yoenis’s yellow sleeve and the UNIFORM CODE. This is like when Boston said he was a bad teammate because he didn’t take bp before games. Ummmm, I think he knows what he’s doing. Ummmm, I think NOBODY ON THE METS GIVES A SHIT. I certainly don’t. Because we’re not all evil bigots in NYC. It’s called Superstar License, you freakin’ morons. Let the master use his methods.
Tiz the season, also my brother rolled a Turkey in our bowling league yesterday. Nice.
Marlins 9, Mets 3
deGrom got rocked. Cespedes got beaned (in the butt). The Nationals won. Not good not good not good. But let’s remember that it’s now giving season. So let’s give.
GIVE: deGrom some fucking rest. Rest that arm. Rest, rest, rest. He shut the Nats down. Don’t worry too much. Just rest him.
GIVE: Cespedes infinity dollars. That’s his worth. Attendance (both at the stadium and on TV) is up a bazillion percent. So are t-shirt sales. So is everything Mets-related. If the Mets don’t sign him, they not only don’t care about winning, but they don’t care about making money, either. These players are commodities, and Cespedes getting a $175mil contract will net billions for the Jewpons. I went to Stuy. I’m a mathemagician. He’s worth a billion dollars. If the Mets don’t sign him, we will spend much of the 2016 season watching Cespedes (and Michael Fulmer) tear up the league while we fall back to being a .500 or worse team.
GIVE: The pink slip to anyone who was in the war room voting against Cespedes. Apparently Alderson wanted him all the way (which makes sense since Billy Beane was Cespedes’ first MLB GM). But also apparently, some dudes tried to vote it down. Fire them all. Tiz the season for giving pink slips, too.
GIVE: All your attention, love, and prayers to the Mets. Ignore your friends and families completely (unless they’re also Mets fans) because now is the time. Ignore all Gods but the Baseball Gods, for the Baseball Gods are Mighty, Wrathful, and Angry. Pray to them. Pray, pray, pray. Give all your prayers to them. Now is the time.
The Mets give out championship belts every night in the clubhouse.
Mets 5, Nats 3
Well that was some series, huh? The Mets swept the Nats for the second time in a row. This time it was in Washington. I’ve never seen anything quite like it, except when the Mets are on the other side of it. Three comeback wins in the most demoralizing fashion possible.
Thanks to Mr. Sweptcedes. He’s the greatest player ever. Thanks to Sandy for bringing him here. Now that his contract has been renegotiated, we have more than 5 days after the season to resign him. So instead of the band-aid being ripped right off, we can be disappointed all offseason. Enjoy it while it lasts! I hope the Jewpons recognize that he’s worth infinity dollars in t-shirt sales alone.
For those in Metsblow Nation waiting for the other shoe to drop, here comes Turner Field! We all know it’s HAINTED. So hainted. The Mets better be ready to win in Atlanta, because we sure as fuck never have.
P.S. Depsite the article headline, we haven’t clinched shit yet. Stay fucking focused.
25-8 on the series. It waaaas 25-2, but a 5-run 9th inning (O’Flaherty must still be Team Braves, and Robles goes from hot to cold almost every batter) kept the series from being a complete joke. Let’s brush past that. Let’s be optimistic because my mom told me to enjoy the “new and improved” team and not wait for the other shoe to drop. It didn’t drop. Not tonight, at least. We’re fucking rolling. Harvey finally gets run support and gets over his Miami troubles (without Stanton in the lineup, of course). 7 IP, 0 R, 2 H. Ho-hum.
And we’re scoring! In bunches! Cespedes is obviously the best player we’ve seen ever ever ever, but let’s not forget the additions of Conforto, Jelly, and Uribe. Conforto hit a crucial sac fly today when the game was still young, and Uribe hit a 3-run BLAAAST (a billion feet) to make it a 7-0 game. Hooray for talented hitters. Hoo-fucking-ray.
Tomorrow is an off day. It’s also Wilmer “No More Tears by Johnson & Johnson” Flores’ 24th birthday. He’s still just a boy. He’s got a lil time to develop. Put Jelly at 2nd (especially against righties) and all of a sudden, Flores can start games in better environments where he can flourish. Depth!! Deeeppptthh!!
Hats off to Maverick. Giving up Fulmer and Cessa was big, but Cespedes is the man. It’s a great move. The Mets are the big winners of the deadline. I’d say the Astros were, but they’re not because of Gomez’s balky hip, of course.
Of course, I won’t believe it until Cespedes is in a Mets uniform.
I won’t complain. I won’t be out. But…now we gotta win this series. WE MUST. We’ve gotta show Cespedes that he’s on the right team. We have to make a real run.
MetsBlow 