Blow of the Union: The Streak

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We're going streaking!!
We’re going streaking!! Bring your green hat, and your Mets hat.

We’re streaking like my underpants after taco night.

Our talent is showing (because we’re naked). Flores has been pretty good. Prettaaaay, prettaaay good. TC said he was clutch and then he went out and hit a late-inning, game-tying dinger. Meanwhile, I think Dillon “cut from the rotation” Gee went out and proved once again that he’d be a #3 on a lot of teams. I think he’s getting healthy again.

What’s wrong with Murph? I think he missed Spring Training and was forced back early since they didn’t want Tejada playing opening day or at all. I think by the end of May, he’ll be fine. April is his ST. He’s too good a hitter. Can you get METS 5 years in? It’s usually contracted early.

The concern: We didn’t hit that crumb-bum Stultz much. A guy like Teheran (pitching today against Big Sexy) can really mow us down. Our hitting simply isn’t all the way there. Like I’ve said, we’re going to see a lot of 3-2 and 2-1 and 1-0 scores and things like that. The victories stem from our rotation out-gaming the opposing pitcher.

Preblow: Mets Go for 10 in a Row

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Fuck the Braves.

Grandy and Murph get the night off, but Duda stays in the lineup to face the lefty. And it’s a shitty lefty in Eric Doodoo Stults, so how bout a dinger!?

This is the game that we’re “supposed” to lose because Dillon Gee is starting. FUCK THAT! As I’ve said many times, the team tried to push Gee out. Well, now Gee has the opportunity to play his way off the team. The Mets don’t want you. Pitch well and some other team will.

P.S. I guess Grandy’s reward for his big night is getting to sit out? I see that Mayberry has great numbers against Stults, but doesn’t everybody?

Matt Harvey’s Foot Hurts (He’s Dead)

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Big Apple, 3am...
Big Apple, 3am…

Welp, that didn’t take long. Matt Harvey’s dead, everybody!

Blah blah blah Mets say it’s no big deal yada yada he’s been dealing with it etc. etc. aaaaand he’s dead.

They say he’ll make his next start. They say Jose Reyes will be back tomorrow. Metsblow.

P.S. If Harvey’s dead, at least we’ll never have to see him in Yankee pinstripes.

Happy Recap: Mets Makin’ It Look Easy

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Mets 7, Braves 1

And we’re 11-3 for the first time since 1986. Oh, brother.

Insurance runs were big. Big hat was big. Niese and our rotation have us believing we can win every day. We look so hungry out there. Kaboom. 

Game balls:

-Grandy have a day kid! 

-Niese for a stellar start.

-Plawecki for his 2 hits and great throw to nail a guy at second base. Helluva major league debut, especially after D’Arnaud was playing so well.

-Bighat for getting Freeman in a tight spot when the game got dicey.

My facebook name is facebook.com/metsblowbutyagottabelieve

Very applicable tonight: Mets blow but ya gotta believe 😮

Are the Braves Worried About Hansel?

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Not as worried as they are about Gretel.

Welcome to the show, Hansel Robles! Blevins had a 0.00 ERA when he went down. Good luck beating that! It ain’t just about Plawecki replacing d’Arnaud. It’s about our staff being as strong as they’ve been, despite all the damn injuries. This is your chance, Hansel. Pull your underwear out of your pants or something.

Preblow: Plawecki and Pitching

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Kevin Plawecki
Kevin Plawecki

Aaaaaand he’s injured.

Ok, not yet. So our 4-5-1 in the rotation is going up against the Braves 4-5-1 this series. We won’t hit Teheran (though he did get shelled last start against Toronto) so Colon’s really gotta bear down.

The bigger message of this series is the 4-5. This is where we separate from them. We’re supposed to have a 4-5 that would be 2s on other teams. Their 4-5s are stop-gap doodoo minor leaguers or has-beens. This is a perfect opportunity for Plawecki to get his sea legs.

This is what supposedly makes us contenders, even more so than Harvey or whatever; that we are WITHOUT A HOLE in the rotation, and they have two holes. Stick it in their holes.

Citi Perks = Mets Opening Up a Casino

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Gambling! Casino! Gamble! Gamble! Drink! Tits! Tits! Gamble! Money! Mets! Tickets! Gamble! Gamble!! ...please gamble responsibly.
Gambling! Casino! Gamble! Gamble! Drink! Tits! Tits! Gamble! Money! Mets! Tickets! Gamble! Gamble!!
…please gamble responsibly.

So obviously the Mets moved their AAA team from Norfolk, VA (where David Wright and Michael Cuddyer grew up) to Las Vegas, NV because of gambling. That’s cool. I get it. You want your young, promising athletes to get used the bright lights, p-tutes, and losing all their money in some Mets-related fiasco.

But now, Shittifield and the Mets are straight up running a lottery scam. In a transparent move to sell more tickets, the Mets have started “Citi Perks.” Basically, Shittiperks means you buy tickets, and maybe you’ll win some kind of lottery. Some kid got to throw out the first pitch the other day, which is a cool perk. So is winning the lotto. It’s a great perk.

The lotto costs $1 and you can win millions. The odds are astronomically against you. The Shittiperks lotto, I imagine, is pretty stacked against you, but at least you get a ticket to see at least one Mets player get injured.

The worst part? The lackeys at Metsblog are pitching it hard: Mets fans certainly have a lot to be excited about when coming out to Citi Field these days, and now thanks to Citi, there are sure to be a few more surprises coming their way. 

Thanks, Metsblog. They are surely the bipartisan journalists that we need. Knowing the Jewpons, I can’t imagine they paid you that much to sell your journalistic integrity. I hope it was worth it, you fucking lackeys.

P.S. They should be taking bets on who gets injured next. The way Duda is raking, it’s likely him. Mets fans aren’t supposed to have such nice things.

A Little More On Vic Black

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You know nothing, Ray Ramirez.
You know nothing, Ray Ramirez.

In the last Blow, I wrote about Vic “Take The” Black and his injury.

To summarize, Vic Black has a herniated disk in his neck and the team said it’s an improvement since his last exam. Metsblowers laughed and said, “Great satire, Mr. Metsblow!”

Here’s the thing: It wasn’t satire. I tried writing that in the last blow but I didn’t get the message across, so let me say it again: IT WAS NOT SATIRE. THE METS ACTUALLY ISSUED THAT STATEMENT.

The Vic Black quote is just another classic example of how Metsblow writes itself. They have a monkey doing PR/damage control. It’s utterly ridiculous. I’ve now read the quote 5 times. It can’t be real, but it is. Vic Black’s neck is about to twist off with a new injury that the Mets have not previously diagnosed, and they’re saying it’s an improvement. Meet the Mets! Meet the Mets! Step right up and greet the Metsblow.

Injuryblow: Mets Dead Forever

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Please keep the Mets doctors away from me.
Please keep the Mets doctors away from me.

Here are your updates:

Travid d’Arnaud – Out for at least 3 weeks. He will then have his cast/splint/casket removed and will be reevaluated by Dr. Weff Jilpon.

Jerry Blevins – Out for at least 6 weeks. Forever dead.

Vic Black – Has a disk herniation in his neck, which is causing weakness in his triceps/arm. Team says it’s an improvement since his last exam. Read that again. The team actually said that. What a spin! Boy did the team doctors spin that well. Spun it so fast it’ll make your neck herniated.

Jose Reyes – Will return tomorrow. Metsbloooow.