Montero’s Dead

metsblow, Leave a comment

Montero is getting an MRI on his throwing (right) shoulder. Asst. GM John Ricco said it’s just precautionary.

He’s deeeeead! Oh, it’s ok, it’s just precautionary! He doesn’t have METS disease! It’s just precautionary! We’ve booked a trip to the morgue, just as a precaution. We’ve alerted his next of kin that they’re about to come into some money, just as a precaution. We’ve bought flowers, just as a precaution.

P.S. For the love of god, don’t send him to the team doctors!

P.P.S. I’d rather have dead Montero than Valverde. I can’t believe the Nats signed him. They’re panicking. I’m sure he’ll dominate our shitty lineup, but they’ve definitely hit the panic button.

Preblow: Rubber Game in Miami

metsblow, Leave a comment

Hey Montero, good game! As a reward, we’re sending you to fabulous Las Vegas!

Lefty Jack “Leatherface” Leathersich has been promoted to the team. He’s striking out everybody in the minors. We’ll see how that translates. When asked to comment, Terry Collins said, “If anyone should be called leatherface, it’s me. Look how tan I am!”

Big Sexy takes the hill tonight. He’s going for 5-0 in his first 5 starts. Wouldn’t that be something?

This is the rubber game of the series, and would also serve to salvage the road trip at .500, which is what playing on the road is all about. We’ve been roughly .500 on the road for years, while failing miserably at home. With the Mets celebrating their victories in April, I’m sure the other shoe will drop at Shittifield, but for now, and in general, it’s about winning at home and staying .500 on the road.

Run, Daniel, Run!

metsblow, Leave a comment
And from that moment on, I...was...run-ning!
“And from that moment on, I…was…run-ning!” -Daniel Murphy

Last night, with Tejada-Kirk-Recker batting 6-7-8, we never really stood a chance. The game was conceded from the get-go. However, when we desperately needed a run in the 8th, Murph lead the inning off with a double. Then, Tejada (batting 6th!!) fucked up a bunt, and the Marlins got Murphy out at 3rd.

Chastise Tejada all you want for this. I did, too. He is to blame. He is garbage. But Nelson Figueroa wants to put blame on Murphy as well. And he’s right. 100% right. Murphy made a mental mistake (he’s good for 1 each game) and should never have ran. He should’ve seen the shitty bunt, froze, and returned to 2nd.

"I just felt like running." -Daniel Murphy
“I just felt like running.” -Daniel Murphy

I won’t be surprised if Murph finishes the year batting around .280, as he has proven that he can hit. His career batting average of .288 is enough that, in the post-steroid* era, a team will pay him. The Mets certainly won’t pay him. However, this isn’t because he sucks, it’s just because they’re Jews. Even though it’s for the wrong reasons, they might be CORRECT in letting Murph go. Assuming Murph is gone and Wright is dead, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Reynolds, Flores, and Herrera in the infield next year. I would love to see the mental-mistakes-metrics for Murph, because his boneheaded fielding and baserunning and opinions on gays have certainly cost us. C’mon Murph. Do better. It’s a contract year for fucks sake. At least the hitting is starting to come around, which is a great sign. Your extended Spring Training is now over.

*Calling 2015 baseball the “post-steroid era” is equivalent to calling today’s nation the “post-racial America.” Hey, how many people are going to the Orioles’ game tonight?

P.S. Nelson Figueroa, the Brooklyn boy, has been excellent for SNY. I wish they hadn’t jewed out on Ojeda. I’d love to have both of them in there. They’re both great. SNY really knows how to pick’em.

Postblow: What a lineup!

metsblowLeave a comment

Fish 4, Mets 3

Tejada-Kirk-Recker batting 6-7-8 was a black hole to behold. It was particularly noticeable in the 8th after Murphy’s leadoff double. They should all be cut.

Carlos Torres is being pitched into the ground.

Lagares needs TJ.

Montero pitched well. He hasn’t thrown that many pitches in a while (ever?), and that led to trouble. 

Tolo going for the rubber game tomorrow. Let’s go! 

Preblow: Mets Trying to Make Montero Look Like Shit With This Lineup

metsblow, , Leave a comment
From Ninja Turtle to Mets pitcher...
From Ninja Turtle to Mets pitcher…

Rafael Montero–yes, I know it’s a different spelling than the ninja turtle–will be making a “spot” (re: audition) start for the Mets today and WHOA holy shit look at that lineup!

Are we completely phoning this one in? Tejada at SS, Recker at C, Kirk out in LF, and Campbell batting cleanup? Give Montero a freakin’ chance, at least!

For sucks sake, it’s time to promote Reynolds and Herrera. We can’t have lineups like this. We just can’t.

The Marlins starter, David Phelps, is only in because of Henderson Alvarez’s injury, so perhaps our quadruple-A lineup can do something against this quadruple-A pitcher.

Happy Recap: Redemption Is Spelled D-A-N

metsblow, , Leave a comment

Mets 3, Marlins 1

Welp, this game was Keith Hernandez’s dream. 1:58 game time and a Mets win.

Game Balls:

~Murphy, with the 3-run, GW dinger in the 9th. And he flashed his leather (perhaps his pleather) in the bottom of the frame.

~Gee, who pitched brilliantly for 7.2 innings. Ground ball city. He gets the ND because the Mets can’t hit.

~Smallhat Torres, for throwing 1 pitch and getting 1 win. And it wasn’t no joke pitch! He got Stanton to pop out with runners at the corners.

~Familia, for getting the save. He’s in some kinda groove. It all looked so familiar.

Preblow: Mets Take Their Talents to South Beach

metsblow, Leave a comment

mets at marlins

Tonight, tomorrow, and the next day, all at 7:10pm, the Mets are playing in Miami. The Mets are coming off the sloppiest game I’ve ever seen, but they are still in 1st place and in control (sort of). The Mets may also be jet-lagged, as they did not arrive in Miami until 6am this morning. Meanwhile, Keith “I Don’t Do Winter” Hernandez took an earlier flight and has been soaking in the sun with a piña colada in one hand and…well…probably a piña colada in the other hand, too.

Keys to the Series:

~Montero, making a “spot” start that the team swears isn’t an audition to take Gee’s place, needs to pitch well. This is technically our #6, or #7 if you count Wheeler, or #9 if you count Wheeler, Thor, and Matz. Let’s see what the kid can do. This is what our team is all about.

~Pretenders vs. Contenders once again. We have to stomp on our DREADFUL division opponents. The Marlins think they’re hot because they just stomped on the Phillies, and that’s fine. We were hot when we stomped on the Phillies, Marlins, and Braves.

~Shitty, shitty baseball cannot be tolerated. The Marlins are winning because they’ve been playing virtually error free for a week. Last night, we were completely bush league on the national stage. Mental mistakes and dogshit fielding cost us the game and the series against the NY-AL team. Now, we can crawl back to our cozy SNY 7:10p time slot and quietly go about our business.

P.S. I don’t hate John Kruk. He was a Philly, so there’s some bitterness there, but really, the dude knows how to hit and isn’t a bad color man. But I absolutely can’t STAND other broadcasters. Curt “I Didn’t Come From No Monkey” Schilling is awful. ESPN is awful and they really drag the games out. Let’s say the Mets make the playoffs (PLAYOFFS!?!?). Is there some way our guys can still cover the games? I know Ron Darling does TBS games but that’s not enough. Gary, Keith, and Ron 4eva eva.

Mets Sign Crappy Infielder Because Murphy Is So Crappy

metsblowLeave a comment
Brooks Conrad, a career .200 hitter
Brooks Conrad, a career .200 hitter

The Mets have not hit the panic button yet. However, they did hit the, “oh, damn, we kinda suck up the middle” button. This, of course, is the same button Mets fans have been mashing since day 1 of the offseason…of 2010.

The Mets have signed free-agent infielder Brooks Conrad. Conrad, 35, has a career .200 hitter, with a .271 OBP, 19 HR and 73 RBI in 460 major league at-bats. He is a switch hitter and has mostly played second and third base during his professional career.

“We like what he brings to the table and thinks he’s a good addition to the organization,” a  team official told Rubin. The team official then went on to say, “we actually don’t really like him. He’s really shitty. However, Murphy is soooooo shitty at 2nd base that we need somebody while Herrera preps to take his spot. Murphy isn’t hitting for shit, so there’s nothing saving him. I’ve never seen a player play so badly in a contract year.”

P.S. Why the fuck wasn’t Murphy DHing this weekend? Preposterous.

*UPDATE: Metsblog has responded to this post by posting a, “Murphy is totally going to turn it around!” post. Awesome job, Metsblog. Totally awesome. Yes, Murphy is still in Spring Training. Yes, he gets another month. Yes, his hitting will probably come around. However, him and Flores at 2B and SS is still, defensively, the worst middle infield combo in Mets history, and Murphy is batting .150, so stop arguing with facts just because the Wilpons pay your salary. I know it’s the Wilpons’ specialty to argue with facts (and to fire pregnant women), but one time for me please stop being such lackeys and also stop being so afraid of me by posting the kinds of responses like the one you just posted.

Crappy Recrap: 4 errors?

metsblowLeave a comment

Yankees 6, Mets 4

Wow the Mets looked like shit. I guess they’re not ready for the big games. Hopefully they learned their lesson because big games will come often if you expect to be a good team. 

We were simply not ready for the espn spotlight. Niese dropped the ball, the whole team was sloppy as fuck, and not knowing the # of outs was egregious. 

On to Miami…gotta beat up our division. 

Preblow: Rubber Game in the Bronx

metsblow, Leave a comment

Not much to say. I’ve said it before. Our #4 (Niese) vs. their #4 (Eovaldi) is a no-brainer. We must win these games. We have a guy who could really be a 2 or 3 on other teams (he’d be the 3 on the Yankees), while they have a guy who wouldn’t be offered a position on our roster. Nuff said. Have to win it. Rubber game. We take this series and we’re definitively the hottest we’ve been since 2006, or even since 1986.