“I see a huge opportunity with this organization,” said newly acquired LH reliever Jerry Blevins. “We have a chance to shock some people in the NL East.”

Blevins went on to say, “You see, the Nationals are really good. I used to pitch for them. I’m very bad, so I’m very happy to be on the Mets! They didn’t even have any lefty relievers, so I made the team by default! It’s so awesome! They sent down my only potential competition, some guy named Dario something. I’m pretty sure that’s the guy who’s banging Daenerys on Game of Thrones. Anyway, Let’s Go Mets!”