I’m ded. Legit ded from the lolz. Is this the most Metsian thing of all time? Ray Ramirez’s ghost also re-deaded from the lolz? Truly hilarious.

Cespedes came back from the DL yesterday, hit a (Yankee Stadium baby bitch) dinger, said, “my heels kinda hurt,” and OOPS he’s out for 10 months. Surgery time! No joke, Callaway said, “I didn’t know he said that” when asked about it. Real quote. The awareness!

Perhaps even funnier: he might not get the surgery right away. The Mets might opt to have him play. UNFUCKINGREAL. Because we’re so competitive this year? I dunno what the fuck will happen from here but let me take some wild guesses: 1) the Mets will fuck this up worse and Cespedes will never be healthy as a Met ever again, and 2) the Mets will lose a shitload of games. Whoa, call me Nostradamus.

P.S. I can hit a home run in Yankee baby bitch stadium. Lock. It’s the dumbest stadium ever. Wes Mantooth is assuredly pissed and wants the Yankees to stop hiding behind those phony numbers. Remember when Grandy hit like 50 dingers there? Yeesh. Judge and Stanton not having 80 each is sad for them.