Post/Pre MiniBlow

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Yuck is Philly a gross city. Such a cheap imitation of NYC.

Well, we beattum 2 outta 3. Job (not) well done. Tejada FLASHED SOME LEATHER and is making a biiiiid! Best SS on the teeeeam! Wow, Ruben! Ruby Tuesday! That walk-up music, too! Na dee naaa na, Rubey Rube Tejaaada.

Yuck is Chicago a gross city. Such a cheap imitation of NYC.

It’s our young pitching vs. their young hitting. Good pitching always beats good hitting and vice versa. They’ve got Lester, then Arrieta, then two (2!!) TBDs. That’s why we have to beattum. We have 5 aces. They have TBDs in their rotation. Nuff said. Tonight is deGrom, tomorrow is Thor’s debut, then Harvey, then Niese. Let’s fucking go. This is the biggest series to date. This is the, “We Were Dogshit Last Year But We’ve Come to Play This Year” Bowl.

Preblow: Big Sexy Should Bat 7th 

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Upon further review of today’s lineup, I was wrong in my headline. Tolo shouldn’t bat 7th…he should bat 6th.

“We are now completely out from under the Madoff scandal and are ready to get back to baseball. We are fully committed.” -Wilpon, in 2013.

Big Sexy, it’s CGSO or bust (as usual) today. That’s one helluva lineup they’ve given you. Billingsley, the opposing pitcher, has an ERA of 9.00 this season. My guess is he allows 1 run (unearned?) in 6 strong innings of work. The only way this lineup will get to him is if A) Duda breaks out or B) Tolo gets to him. Metsblow.

Happy? Recap: Mets Even Up The Tough Series Against the Worst Team in the League

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Mets 3, Phils 2
Ooooh, what a tight battle that was! What an display of futility from both teams! Boy, these two teams really want to prove which team has the shittier lineup.

The Mets, who made a habit of sucking chode dick against washed-up Harang last year (while he was with Atlanta), picked up right where they left off last night.

Niese looked great against a lineup that didn’t even feature Utley/Howard. Finally, that era is ending, while the Bryce Harper era has fully ignited in DC. 

The Phils gave up an unearned run. Then the Mets kindly called & raised them by giving up two unearned runs. What a kindhearted gesture.

The Mets made one good swing the entire night: While down 2-1, Lagares hit a two-run dinger and the Mets went on to win 3-2. God knows insurance runs are not part of the Mets’ hitting philosophy. Niese got the win. Familia got the save. Mets got the you-blow-but-they-blow-harder award.

Bryce Harper has 6 dingers in 3 days. Do we have 6 HRs as a team for the whole season? 

Preblow: Mets v Phillies and #HarveyDay and D-Wright’s Dead

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Big time barking.
Big time barking.

The Mets start a three-game series in Philly tonight. Harvey v Hamels in game 1. Choooo. The Phils’ lineup is doooogshit. It’s worse than the Mets’ lineup, and that’s saying something. Harvey must mow ’em down. We must take 2 of 3 in Philly. They’re stinky doodoo dogshit. Nuff said.

You know who loves hitting Hamels and lefties in general? David Wright. Oooooh his poor back. Or was it his hamstring? Or was it his shoulder? The beauty of the Mets is that you ALWAYS know what you’re dealing with. They’re ALWAYS lying. They’re not wishy-washy at all. They’re 100% reverse-guarantees every time. The second they said that Wright would be back by “May 15,” we could all take solace in the complete, indisputable truth that he would not be back on May 15. I wonder what the Vegas oddsmakers had his return date prop-bet set as. I imagine after the May 15 announcement from the Jewbrass, Vegas set the O/U at about the all-star break.

This means Herrera will get more playing time (at 2nd, with Murph moved to 3rd), assumedly. “Phew, good thing Wright got hurt, now I don’t have to make any decisions!” -Sandy

Happy Recap: Mets Win, Baltimore Riots

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Mets 5, Orioles 1

Holy shit there, B-more, calm down. I know you got swept by the Mets but do you really need to riot over that? Oh, did something else happen? Hmm, what? No, I don’t watch the news, I just take the government’s word for things…

The Mets came alive with the long ball a little bit. Grandy hit one–at this rate he’ll catch Nelson Cruz (who we decided wasn’t a good fit for us) in no time! Herrera hit one–Murphy will probably be traded soon. Oh, wait, no, they’ll just let him walk and get nothing for him. The Mets actually managed to score runs in multiple innings! WOW! I didn’t know they could do that.

deGrom was deBest again, striking out 9 and only allowing 1 run in 7 innings. He used his off-speed pitches more, including one that struck out Crash Davis with the bases loaded, ending the 5th inning threat.

With 3 outs to go in a non-save situation, Collins brought in Bighat. I liked the move. Then, after an innocuous first two batters (an infield single on a hard hit ball that Murph knocked down and a fielder’s choice that got the lead runner), Collins yanked Bighat and brought in Familia, still in a non-save situation. WHY!? “Blow out all their arms!” -The leprechaun on Collins’s shoulder. I guess we have a day off but jeeez, Terry.

Our pitching is SO GOOD. It’d be such a fucking shame to waste it. It’s so heartbreaking when we lose games 1-0, which happens way too often. We really should have 20 wins already.

The Mets announced that Wright will likely be back on May 15, but they didn’t mention which year.

Also, I want to point out something I’ve been saying for a week: Duda is great. He’s not on the chopping block, duhhh. He’s the furthest position player from it. But the Mets haven’t scored in forever and Duda is a part of that. His avg is under .300 now. He didn’t do shit at Yankee Stadium (where sweet, little old ladies go to hit dingers), and he really hasn’t hit since the win streak ended. It could be related to a lack of D-Wright and talent in the lineup around him.

Home Runs Hit Today by Non-Mets: Justin Turner, Marlon Byrd…just to name a a couple.

Well, hey, nice lil interleague series there against a good team with a good lineup (though they lost Cruz). Now it’s off to Philly, where we MUST continue to assert ourselves. Gotta take at least 2 outta 3.

Preblow: Can We Sweep The Orioles Off The Street?

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The Mets go for the sweep tonight. Yes, two games count as a sweep! It’s a two game series, gah!

They snapped their scoreless streak last night in the 4th, and then proceeded to start up a new one. I get it, you can’t score every inning. The Mets sure do love taking innings (re: games) off at the plate, though.

deGrom against Ubaldo tonight. deGrom is coming off a pair of bad outings, and Jimenez is coming off a pair of bad seasons. Actually, his 2013 wasn’t so bad, but his 2012 was atrocious. He’s over the hill, so our lineup presents a perfect opportunity for him to recapture his old magic.

Let’s sweep the O’s off the street. Let’s put the beatdown on them. They think they can rise up? We should just murder them all and be cleared of all charges without trial. Is that a thing that can happen?

I saw a pair of fully-decked-out-in-O’s-gear fans walking my way last night, and I, in my Mets cap, flipped them off and yelled, “fuck you!” They were shocked and frightened. They must’ve been from the Maryland suburbs or something. Baltimore citizens would never be so soft.

Happy Recap: Mets Bats Come Alive Against Tough Pitching; 1st Place Now A Lock!

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No helmet can hold Big Sexy.
Good thing this interleague game was NL hosted

Mets 3, Orioles 2

“The Mets scored a tremendous 3 runs last night…”

—

So I lifted that headline and opening sentence from Metsblog. God I hate the fucking Mets media. They didn’t actually write that, but they basically write something like that every night. Here’s something they actually DID write before last night’s game: Juan Lagares has hit in all 14 home games this year, during which he’s batting .377. Guess how many hits he had today! Go on, guess! I’ll wait. Guess! …Metsblog, killing streaks since 2007.

Boy do we need Tolo keep testing clean. If his current pace is maintained, is he a Hall of Fame candidate? He’s tested positive and he got the international waters arm surgery, but his numbers are close to there. Two more years of this, and it’s legit. Of course, his win totals are skewed because of all the offensive help we give him…

As far as this game was concerned, Big Sexy brought the sex. Familia let up a dinger to Crash Davis but locked down the save. If the Mets had blown this one, there’d have been a riot. Norris, the O’s pitcher, came in with an ERA of 13, and thanked the baseball gods for an opportunity to face our lineup and get back to a respectable ERA. To be fair, Norris is a right hander, and you know how we do against right handers with ERAs over 10.

Colon has now defeated the Orioles with 7 different teams. Ballin. deGrom goes for the 2-game-series sweep tonight.

Preblow: Baltimore Comes to Queens

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“A riot is the language of the unheard.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Sheeeeeiiit.” -Senator Clay Davis

Baltimore has been ON FIRE, winning 5 of their last 6. We’re in big trouble. Big, bad Baltimore is coming our way guns-a-blazing and we’re nothing more than a wounded minority in a city run by evil men #MetsLivesMatter

Big Sexy takes the hill tonight. He suffered his first loss of the season last time out. It was his own fault, since he let up more than zero runs. Mets starters should know better by now.