I would rather watch Cespedes’ Rehab Game Than the Mets


Oh Lord we pray for Him.

Why has anyone been watching? Really, we know how this works. We know the Mets. We ARE Cespedes. Learn your fucking lesson. Keep the training staff the FUCK away from him. Cespedes is all that matters. This is a legitimately optimistic post because the Mets actually win games when he’s healthy. 2 straight postseasons with 1 and ONLY 1 reason: Yo. 

Do youz guyz even remember that? Searching for answers in a “lost” season. Even bothering to watch this trash fed to us by Jew snakes. Cespedes or we blow!! Every other conversation about “oh why is so and so strugg-a-ling” is a waste of breath. Jewpons are a plague and Yo is the only one with some kind of antibodies. He’s Wolverine AND Hulk AND Jesus (mah fav comic book hero) mixed in one. How have you all forgotten this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. 

Ice Cream Cone Milone Serves It Up

Soft serve indeed. The softest. To put into perspective how awful that start was: Montero was better. Congrats, Raph. You’re no longer the worst pitcher on the team. You’re still the most disappointing, but that’s mostly do to media hype. I guess the media didn’t feel the need to hype up The Ice Cream Cone in quite the same way. Milone pitched to Trout like he’d never even heard of him.

We were on such a win streak, too. Sad! 

Just When You Thought Yesterday Was Bad!


Soooo the Mother’s Day game (fake holiday) was the worst game of the year. No question. NO QUESTION. 

Until today. Today was worse. 

Before coming to bat in the 8th, I liked how SNY showed highlights of Goldschmidt teeing the fuck off on Robles. He then proceeded to tee the fuck off on Robles. But wait! It gets overturned and it’s just a double. Finally, a lucky break! Well now we gotta face Lamb. And he hit a dinger last time up. We’ll pretend it’s because 1st base is open and IBB him. Now Tomas. Who the Mets should have signed. And he TEES the fuck off. Oh and then there were like 4 more home runs. Off of multiple relievers. They all fucking blow. Highest ERA in baseball! Terry blew em all out by mid-May. 

I still can’t fucking believe deGrom got pulled on Sunday. I guess it’s over and they’re saving him for next year. It’s alllll over people. Pray for Yo Rising. 

Nice Game, Pretty Boy


Dear Matt Harvey: FUCK YOU.

Dear Jeurys Familia: FUCK YOU. I know this clot is WBC related. 

Dear Mets: FUCK YOU. Can’t put it all on Harvey. The Mets got little leagued so hard last night. How old were you when you learned about the 1st & 3rd delayed double steal play? 7 years old? 8? Unfuckingbelievable!!! Simply amazin’. And with Villar on 3rd. Wow. The absolute littlest of the little league plays. That takes getting outcoahed to a whole new level. 

Blooooooood!


Familia is dead. Miss him miss him miss him. Blood clot. Wow. Dillon Gee had it and missed a season. Just take him out back and shoot him. It’s in his punching shoulder, too, so his wife should be ok.

Ban pros from joining the WBC. Ban pros from going within 100yds of Ray Ramirez. Ban any press or speech suggesting that the Mets will ever have a healthy, normal, exciting, fun season. 

Flores Made a Bad Play? Stop the Presses!


This is a kind of nice reminder of why it’s ok that we don’t have Murph anymore. Nobody could’ve predicted the .350 BA (juice!) but one thing we KNOW is that Dru & Walker execute (double) plays. Flores & Murph? Not so much. 

Flores should never play the field again. I wish him well. I really do. He’s hitting. Maybe 1B? I guess? But holy shit, nowhere else ever again! I said that years ago. Nobody listens to reason. Metsblow.