Remember when we didn’t sign Murph? All-star hitting be damned, he can’t play defense! Well guess what? That’s true. He really can’t. Who did you we trot out this past weekend? Wilmer “Fire Hydrant” fucking Flores. Amazin’! Good thing we sured up that defense.
Also, we hit 4 dingers off a very comfortable Kershaw last night. Good thing we have the best rotation in team history to back those dingers up!
The thing is, he knows it, too. 4 for 5 with a dinger just isn’t enough for this team. Gotta hit 5-run dingers. Probably gotta pitch, too.
Today, deGrom looks to avoid being swept by scrub-a-dub Joe Ross. I’d say it’s a must-win, but really WHO CARES?! The Nats don’t have the full-blown staff depth that we do! …Oops. Oh and Cespedes isn’t even playing! Get your brooms out!
Notice how casual the Nats are. This isn’t a rivalry. They don’t care. We could stand to reignite the rivalry by plunking Murph. But we won’t. Lifeless team. And we’re not good enough. We’ll never be good enough with Ramirez & the Jewpons. Ooooh this is such a lost season. It’s so sad. Good thing we’re a 2nd half team!
Why has anyone been watching? Really, we know how this works. We know the Mets. We ARE Cespedes. Learn your fucking lesson. Keep the training staff the FUCK away from him. Cespedes is all that matters. This is a legitimately optimistic post because the Mets actually win games when he’s healthy. 2 straight postseasons with 1 and ONLY 1 reason: Yo.
Do youz guyz even remember that? Searching for answers in a “lost” season. Even bothering to watch this trash fed to us by Jew snakes. Cespedes or we blow!! Every other conversation about “oh why is so and so strugg-a-ling” is a waste of breath. Jewpons are a plague and Yo is the only one with some kind of antibodies. He’s Wolverine AND Hulk AND Jesus (mah fav comic book hero) mixed in one. How have you all forgotten this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
Soft serve indeed. The softest. To put into perspective how awful that start was: Montero was better. Congrats, Raph. You’re no longer the worst pitcher on the team. You’re still the most disappointing, but that’s mostly do to media hype. I guess the media didn’t feel the need to hype up The Ice Cream Cone in quite the same way. Milone pitched to Trout like he’d never even heard of him.
Soooo the Mother’s Day game (fake holiday) was the worst game of the year. No question. NO QUESTION.
Until today. Today was worse.
Before coming to bat in the 8th, I liked how SNY showed highlights of Goldschmidt teeing the fuck off on Robles. He then proceeded to tee the fuck off on Robles. But wait! It gets overturned and it’s just a double. Finally, a lucky break! Well now we gotta face Lamb. And he hit a dinger last time up. We’ll pretend it’s because 1st base is open and IBB him. Now Tomas. Who the Mets should have signed. And he TEES the fuck off. Oh and then there were like 4 more home runs. Off of multiple relievers. They all fucking blow. Highest ERA in baseball! Terry blew em all out by mid-May.
I still can’t fucking believe deGrom got pulled on Sunday. I guess it’s over and they’re saving him for next year. It’s alllll over people. Pray for Yo Rising.
Dear Jeurys Familia: FUCK YOU. I know this clot is WBC related.
Dear Mets: FUCK YOU. Can’t put it all on Harvey. The Mets got little leagued so hard last night. How old were you when you learned about the 1st & 3rd delayed double steal play? 7 years old? 8? Unfuckingbelievable!!! Simply amazin’. And with Villar on 3rd. Wow. The absolute littlest of the little league plays. That takes getting outcoahed to a whole new level.