Did Dru Wake the Team Up?

“I’m outta here!”

Well this is something. First and foremost, FUUUUCK this team. Everyone wants out. Who would want to work for the Wilpons? Dru’s just saying what everyone’s thinking. 

Collins couldn’t wake the team up. Dru did. Thank you, Dru. Thank you for publicly humiliating everyone. It’s just what the team needs. 

The truth is that the Giants’ pitching is atrocious–almost as bad as ours–and that’s why we won last night. But I’m glad to see a player publicly complaining about how much the Mets blow, particularly the ownership/front office. I mean for fucks sake we’ve got Montero (yes, THAT Montero) starting on Sunday!! How could you NOT want off this team?? 

But Murph Can’t Play Defense!

Murph (right) & Flores

Remember when we didn’t sign Murph? All-star hitting be damned, he can’t play defense! Well guess what? That’s true. He really can’t. Who did you we trot out this past weekend? Wilmer “Fire Hydrant” fucking Flores. Amazin’! Good thing we sured up that defense. 

Also, we hit 4 dingers off a very comfortable Kershaw last night. Good thing we have the best rotation in team history to back those dingers up!

Cespedes Didn’t Do Enough

The thing is, he knows it, too. 4 for 5 with a dinger just isn’t enough for this team. Gotta hit 5-run dingers. Probably gotta pitch, too.

Today, deGrom looks to avoid being swept by scrub-a-dub Joe Ross. I’d say it’s a must-win, but really WHO CARES?! The Nats don’t have the full-blown staff depth that we do! …Oops. Oh and Cespedes isn’t even playing! Get your brooms out! 

Notice how casual the Nats are. This isn’t a rivalry. They don’t care. We could stand to reignite the rivalry by plunking Murph. But we won’t. Lifeless team. And we’re not good enough. We’ll never be good enough with Ramirez & the Jewpons. Ooooh this is such a lost season. It’s so sad. Good thing we’re a 2nd half team!

I would rather watch Cespedes’ Rehab Game Than the Mets

Oh Lord we pray for Him.

Why has anyone been watching? Really, we know how this works. We know the Mets. We ARE Cespedes. Learn your fucking lesson. Keep the training staff the FUCK away from him. Cespedes is all that matters. This is a legitimately optimistic post because the Mets actually win games when he’s healthy. 2 straight postseasons with 1 and ONLY 1 reason: Yo. 

Do youz guyz even remember that? Searching for answers in a “lost” season. Even bothering to watch this trash fed to us by Jew snakes. Cespedes or we blow!! Every other conversation about “oh why is so and so strugg-a-ling” is a waste of breath. Jewpons are a plague and Yo is the only one with some kind of antibodies. He’s Wolverine AND Hulk AND Jesus (mah fav comic book hero) mixed in one. How have you all forgotten this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. 

Ice Cream Cone Milone Serves It Up

Soft serve indeed. The softest. To put into perspective how awful that start was: Montero was better. Congrats, Raph. You’re no longer the worst pitcher on the team. You’re still the most disappointing, but that’s mostly do to media hype. I guess the media didn’t feel the need to hype up The Ice Cream Cone in quite the same way. Milone pitched to Trout like he’d never even heard of him.

We were on such a win streak, too. Sad! 

Just When You Thought Yesterday Was Bad!

Soooo the Mother’s Day game (fake holiday) was the worst game of the year. No question. NO QUESTION. 

Until today. Today was worse. 

Before coming to bat in the 8th, I liked how SNY showed highlights of Goldschmidt teeing the fuck off on Robles. He then proceeded to tee the fuck off on Robles. But wait! It gets overturned and it’s just a double. Finally, a lucky break! Well now we gotta face Lamb. And he hit a dinger last time up. We’ll pretend it’s because 1st base is open and IBB him. Now Tomas. Who the Mets should have signed. And he TEES the fuck off. Oh and then there were like 4 more home runs. Off of multiple relievers. They all fucking blow. Highest ERA in baseball! Terry blew em all out by mid-May. 

I still can’t fucking believe deGrom got pulled on Sunday. I guess it’s over and they’re saving him for next year. It’s alllll over people. Pray for Yo Rising.