Nice Game, Pretty Boy

Dear Matt Harvey: FUCK YOU.

Dear Jeurys Familia: FUCK YOU. I know this clot is WBC related. 

Dear Mets: FUCK YOU. Can’t put it all on Harvey. The Mets got little leagued so hard last night. How old were you when you learned about the 1st & 3rd delayed double steal play? 7 years old? 8? Unfuckingbelievable!!! Simply amazin’. And with Villar on 3rd. Wow. The absolute littlest of the little league plays. That takes getting outcoahed to a whole new level. 


Familia is dead. Miss him miss him miss him. Blood clot. Wow. Dillon Gee had it and missed a season. Just take him out back and shoot him. It’s in his punching shoulder, too, so his wife should be ok.

Ban pros from joining the WBC. Ban pros from going within 100yds of Ray Ramirez. Ban any press or speech suggesting that the Mets will ever have a healthy, normal, exciting, fun season. 

Flores Made a Bad Play? Stop the Presses!

This is a kind of nice reminder of why it’s ok that we don’t have Murph anymore. Nobody could’ve predicted the .350 BA (juice!) but one thing we KNOW is that Dru & Walker execute (double) plays. Flores & Murph? Not so much. 

Flores should never play the field again. I wish him well. I really do. He’s hitting. Maybe 1B? I guess? But holy shit, nowhere else ever again! I said that years ago. Nobody listens to reason. Metsblow. 

Let’s Crown Wheeler! Let’s Crown Wheeler!

One good start? Savior alert!! 

Jesus Christ people, shut the fuck up. You don’t even have to watch the Mets to know that crowning someone is a bad idea. You don’t even have to watch Game of Thrones to know that. You just have to exist in reality, which I guess is more than we can hope for from the folks over at the schill media sites. 

Greasy Cecchini (Not Rosario) Promoted

Why promote the guy hitting .350 when you could promote the guy hitting .250? 

Why put Dru on the 10-day DL when you can list him as day-to-day and play shorthanded (and shortthumbed)? He was only writhing in pain. I’m sure it’s nothing! Not like we’ve had problems in the recent past with failing to put injured players on the DL and thus exacerbating their injuries.

Why blame the organization when a kid gets out of line when you can just blame the kid? After Doc & Darryl, you’d think the Mets would consider chaperones or something, but naaaaaah, we don’t need to protect our billion dollar blue chips. 

d’Arnaud d’Ead

Poor, poor Travis. Just keeps on dying. Mets disease is the realest. I wanna say, “I told you so” when I wrote that the Mets should’ve traded Matz & TDA (and I think a minor leaguer) for Arenado, but Arenado would’ve died, too. Rockies probably would’ve baited & switched for Thor, anyway. Well, he’s dead, too.

They all blow. It’s really not fun. Mets went 4-2 on that road trip with an ERA of 8. The starters! The precious starters! Montero tonight. Rocket launcher engaged. 

Mets Win a Game in Atlanta and Act Like They Accomplished Something

Oooh a regular season win? Yeah you’ve really overcome so much.
You won a game…against the worst team in the league. La dee freakin’ da. Everyone is praising their resiliency. Everyone is ecstatic that the ship has been righted.

Ummmm, the ship will not be righted until Ray Ramirez is thrown overboard. And the Jewpons, too. What kind of videotape do you think Ray has on Baby Jeffy? Is it him calling someone, “niggerfaggotcunt?” Is it him raping a male toddler? Is it him in Carcosa ceremoniously sacrificing virgins? How the fuck else can you possibly explain Ray Ramirez still on this team?!

The Mets have NEVER–not for 1 day–had all 5 of their young guns active at the same time. But why pay Tolo?! Retards. The reason Tolo stayed healthy was because he’s a vet with his own doctors. At least there’s no more Turner Field. At least Reyes is getting it going. He’s likely to get hurt next.