Author: metsblow

Preblow: The Mets Have Conceded the Game and the Series

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Get the brooms out.
Get the brooms out.

The Cubs came into this series with something to prove–that THEY were worthy of a WC this year. They have shown that the Mets are completely inept, and that the Cubs are the only team worthy of being called, “the team that sucked ass last year but is serious this year.”

Jon “Been Fuckin Awesome This Year” Niese will face a lefty with a 5 ERA today, and the Mets will lose.

Mayberry is batting 5th. Wow. Is Kirk in the lineup today? Collectively, they are K-May. When they bat, it May be a K!…or it May be a backwards K! The K-May kids!

With Mayberry, Recker, etc. in the lineup, we have conceded. The game is over. Metsblow.

Mets Front Office and Metsblog Do Not Know What Depth Is

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Durrr, what's depth?
Durrr, what’s depth?

Welp, Cerrone and Baron and all these other guys are re-tah-did. It is known. No wonder they got hired by the Mets.

The other night on MLB Network, Bengie Molina talked about the 2002 World Series winning Angels team. He gave an enormous load of credit to Jose Molina, the team’s backup catcher. He said that Jose was the key to the chip. Jose being there, working with the pitchers, being able to get pinch hits, and keep Bengie healthy the full season by being a strong backup that started 40+ games, etc. etc. depth depth depth.

I recently sat down with Michael Baron, Matt Cerrone, and Jeff Wilpon to discuss the lack of offensive depth.

Mr. Metsblow: Hello, first of all: Fuck you.

Matt Cerrone: The Mets are looking great this year! *Checks bank statement on his iPhone*

Michael Baron: I’m excited for meaningful games in September.

Jeff Wilpon: Jeffy want baba!

MM: Do you know what depth is?

JW: Subamaween! Subamaween!

MB: What do you mean have a good player sit on the bench? They’ll rot! They need their reps!

MM: You know, guys, kinda like the 6th man in the NBA?

MB: Whoa whoa whoa, one sport at a time.

JW: Daddy just got off the phone with Mistaw Dolan! Mistaw Dolan say we’re doing just fine!

Metsblow.

Postblow: Mets In Full Fledged Free Fall

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And I'm freeeeee...
And I’m freeeeee…

Cubs 2, Mets 1

I just can’t watch this lineup. I just CAN’T WATCH THIS LINEUP.

This was a game that a MEDICORE lineup wins 5-0 or 5-2 or so. We had PLENTY of opportunities. We had a runner on 3rd with less than 2 outs and didn’t get it done multiple times. We had failed bunts. We are the worst offense I’ve seen since last year’s team.

The only silver lining is that this HAS to be a wake-up call. The Wilpons will never sell the team–baby Jeffy ain’t sharing his toys–but they have to make a move now. You can’t burn your new star in his ML debut by giving him no run support, then go back out the next night and burn your young ace with an even more inept loss. Harvey threw 7 shutout innings and we ended up losing the game 2-1. It just can’t happen. Sandy knows as well as anybody that Harvey stayed up all night going, “3 more years till Yankees…3 more years till Yankees…”

Also, EXACTLY as Metsblow has predicted: By the time Wright gets back (if he ever does), there will be a MINIMUM of two starters on the DL. These two are likely to be Lagares and d’Arnaud. D-Wright should return just in time to have an opportunity to play hero, overextend himself, and land back on the DL.

It appears that Lagares will not head to the DL for now, so rest assured he’ll be playing injured for a week, he’ll tear his pectorals even worse (aka the ripped titty), and go on the DL for an even longer stretch than originally necessary.

Matt Cerrone, the spaz in charge of Metsblog, wrote that, “it’s hard to ignore the impact of missing Juan Lagares…” You fucking spaz! He’s been out for two days! Our lineup has been getting mowed the fuck down all season. Wake up. “Ooooh, when we get Lagares back, we’re gonna be a FORCE!”

The Mets will look to move Tolo. I will be sad, but if we pull Soler for him or something nuts like that, it’s a must-do. We need to do something. We have to fix this now.

Don’t Forget About Carlyle’s Injury

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Buddy Carlyle to the DL. It matters.

Our bullpen has been elite, but that’s another fucking injury.

We have the most injuries and each one is to a critical piece of our crumbling pie.

We get injured the most because of the Wilpons Jewing out on both health facilities and a training staff that can keep the team on the field. The Mets can’t even stay on the field with Baby Jeffy threatening the players like he did with Pedro. 

It will take an extra day to replace him since our AAA team is in Vegas. It’s because of the distance, and also probably because they have to pry the guy away from the tables.

The reason we have the Area 51s is because they were the cheapest team available. Jews doing Jew things, as always. 

Non-Howie Radio is Dogshit

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Let’s go Mets, F-A-N doo da dow!! 

Never again 😦

…Maybe again? New owners and back to WFAN?! Dare to dream…

I had to listen to part of last night’s game on the radio. Howie Rose is great. Tremendous. I don’t know who the other guys are, but they are total dogshit. 

Thanks, Wilpons, for Jewing out of 660! Fuck you, you cheap Jew fucks. It seems like they’re trying to force out Howie, too. I’m sure Howie loves his job, but he must hate this new regime and these dog-doo guys they’ve put him next to. I don’t know their names and I don’t want to know. They’re Michael Kay bad.

While listening to the radio, the following things were just said by non-Howie radio bitch:
1) That was a loooong half inning. That’s actually the Mets’ best hope right now–that Arrieta’s arm is cold.
2) Granderson draws another walk. His third of the night…no wait, ball 3. …And here comes the payoff pitch. And it’s outside…but he swung! Strike 3. 
Also, re #1: Arrieta then completed a 9 pitch inning. Good he thing he cooled off while the Cubs batted around!! No, I’m not joking, he actually said the Mets were wise to let 10 Cubs come to the plate in an inning. 
Also, the radio guy’s grammar is piss poor. I tried writing as poorly as he speaks, but I can’t properly capture his bastardization of the English language. Radio Metsblow.

P.S. How’s Rush Limbaugh? Say hi and tell him he’s a big fat barely-in-the-closet faggot rapist homophobe for me, thanks! 

Postblow: Mets Show Support For Their Young Star

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Cubs 6, Mets 1

Geez, Arrieta almost faced the minimum.

Way to support the young gun! In the preblow, I said something along the lines of, “Welcome to the Mets, enjoy the run support!” God fucking damn does it hurt to be right all the time.

If you’re a Mets fan, do you get excited? You’re happy with Syndergaard’s performance, up until TC left him in for too long, that is. He’s going to be a big piece in this very promising rotation, but the Mets lineup is getting mowed down like…well, like the Mets often do. I just can’t watch this lineup. 

“I just can’t watch this lineup” is the new “ya gotta believe.” Just something for years now that you hear repeatedly from all corners of Metsnation. 

Preblow: Thor Makes his ML Debut

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High School Prom King
High School Prom King

Thor is finally getting the call! Wow, what an exciting day. The guy has an OPS of 1.364! We’ve really needed an impact bat for over two (five?) years now, and I think we’ve found that bat in Syndergaard. Our offense has just been beyond frail since Wright and d’Arnaud went down with cases of METS, and it’ll be good to have someone who can hit coming up…oh, and apparently he can pitch well, too. Well, you can still bat him cleanup, can’t you? He likely belongs there when compared to our dogshit lineup.

A lot was made about the young Noah not getting the call last season. A lot was also made about #HamSandwichGate and I respect all of it. Don’t ever a kid the keys to the castle. Make him work. Syndergaard has now admitted, “Not getting the call [last year] motivated me. Last year taught me how to struggle and how to handle adversity.”

Get ready for a new struggle, Noah: The struggle of losing games 1-0! Hopefully you can mash at the major league level, too, because your DOMINANCE on the mound won’t be enough! Go ahead and ask every other pitcher on the team!

Postblow: Cubs Already Being Crowned

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Cubs 4, Mets 3
Add Bryant, Rizzo, and Castro to the endless list of Metkillers. The talking heads are sucking their sucks so hard.
Did deGrom have another shaky outing? Yes. Did we not to DICK on offense against a dogshit bullpen? Yes. Stop sucking Cubs dick. They’ve got promising young hitting, but it’s more that we blow than anything else. 

Our offense is so fucking anemic.

Is Thor gonna go out there tonight and then be traded for Castro? Maybe. 

Castro made a game-saving play in the 9th that we would never make in a million years.