Author: metsblow

Preblow: #HarveyDay and The Pursuit of SS Happiness

metsblow, Leave a comment
The most important Met with the most important Jew.
The most important Met with the most important Jew.

First, #HarveyDay:

Matt Harvey is in trouble today. He’s coming off his worst start ever, which means he’ll have something to prove, which is great. However, he’s opposed by Dan Haren. Dan Haren is the definitive “over-the-hill-but-gets-into-vintage-form-against-the-doodoo-Mets” pitcher. CGSO or bust, Matt, but what else is new?

Second, the new SS pursuit:

The Mets want Cubano SS Alfredo Rodriguez. Rodriguez, 21, recently left Cuba (they no longer need to defect!) in order to pursue a contract with a major league team.

Rodriguez was the 2014-15 Serie Nacional Rookie of the Year in Cuba and the recipient of their gold glove award. In 304 plate appearances last season, Rodriguez hit .265 with a .301 OBP and .284 SLG percentage.

“He has a long way to go as a hitter, but was arguably the best defensive shortstop in Cuba,” according to Baseball America’s Ben Badler. “He’s an athletic, agile defender with smooth, fluid actions.” Therefore, he’d be the best defensive shortstop on the Mets x infinity billion. Rodriguez should be able to ink a deal during the upcoming signing period, which starts on July 2.

The Wilpons have stated that they are in HOT PURSUIT…all the way up to six figures!

Happy Postblow: Mets Sweep Phils But Who Gives a Shit?

metsblow, Leave a comment

Mets 7, Phils 0

Wow, and we did it against an ELITE pitcher like uhhh…whatever nameless scrub the Phils had going.

The Mets shill media will again be all over this one. “WOW, SWEEP!” “METS BATS WAKE UP!” Blah blah fuck you. The Mets basically had those Mickey Mouse Fantasia brooms with them. Don’t get the analogy? Neither do I. The point is: The Phillies FUCKING BLOW. KAKADOOKIE x a billion. They’re the worst team in the league. Don’t be fooled. At least they have a chip and something like 5 straight division titles to show for it. We had 1 division title befoure our kakadookie half-decade. Also watch the Phils turn it around in 2 years, whereas the Mets took 6 (and maybe more).

We did hit some dingers. Cuddy had another upper deck blast. Thor, in addition to his 7.1 shutout innings, also hit a blast. Duda hit two. Thor and deGrom and Niese are all better hitters than anybody on our bench.

Off day tomorrow. A win is a win and a sweep is a sweep. The doodyshit Marlins come to Queens this weekend. Then, we’re off to the west coast where nobody will stay up late to watch the Mets get their shit pushed in by mediocre teams…unless TDA comes back! TDA! TDA!

Transaction Blows

metsblowLeave a comment
Movin' n shakin'
Movin’ n shakin’

1) Kirk New-in-Hice (fucking the spelling now!) was acquired by the Angels. Glad we spent two months (and five years) “evaluating” him at the major league level before deeming he’s not even worth a spot in Vegas.

2) The Mets will go with a 4-man bench and a 6-man rotation until (at least) August. I’m all for it. Hopefully the rotation doesn’t revolt. It’s a 6-man rotation or no innings in September ya mooks! Deal with it.

3) Vic Black is ready to return from the DL, according to Warthen. This news, conspiratorially, comes 1 day after a big fat bullpen collapse. In future news: Black was rushed back in too quickly, and his arm fell off.

4) Travis d’Arnaud is expected back next week. He’s expected by Metsblow to suffer a major setback sometime between now and next week.

Post/Preblow: Mets Shill Media Celebrates Walk-Off Win

metsblow, Leave a comment

Mets 5, Phils 4. F/10

I’m happy for Wilmer. I really am. Wally Backman said he was clutch. He got the game-tying sac fly in the 8th, and the game-winning hit in the 10th. He’s clutch. He’s hitting. Excellent. Wilmer Tha Gawd!

BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT WHAT A HAPPY NIGHT IT WAS! Fucking shills. Last night was a disaster. Last night was a game where we BARELY SCRATCHED a scrub doodoo pitcher. Last night was a game where we blew a lead and a would-be shutout for one of our many aces. Our rotation must all want the FUCK off this team. What’s a guy gotta do to get a fucking W? Oh, right, a CGSO. We’ve been saying that here at Metsblow all fucking season and it’s truer than gravity.

The story of last night: we struggled mightily against the worst team in baseball.

One of the reasons the Phils are the worst is that they’re mentally challenged. How the fuck can teams (or this team, at least) plan/strategize to pitch to Duda? That’s retaaaarded. I can’t believe they pitch to him. Murph behind him is good protection (though it’s lefty-lefty, which isn’t a big deal). But even with Murph, it’s soooo dumb. You take your chances that Murph dunks one and even if he doubles it’ll be 2nd and 3rd because Duda and the whole team are as slow as molasses in January. Also the molasses has Down Syndrome.

It’s crazy to think, but it’s actually true that the Phillies (and Mets while we’re at it) front office and mgmt team knows less than we* do.

*we = me and the Metsblow army #Metsblowers

How do these millionaires not understand to walk Duda every time? Every single fucking time. Conventional wisdom says that you avoid baserunners no matter what, but conventional wisdom also says that you don’t have a dumpster fire of minor leaguers batting 6-7-8 in the lineup.

Preblow: You already know what it is. The Phillies and some doodoo starter named Sean O’Sullivan with a career ERA of 5.66 vs Thor. Let’s see the Mets offense make O’Sullivan look like Halladay and let’s see Thor best him anyway.

P.S. Bring up Conforto! Florida State League Player of the Week means he’s already the 3rd best hitter on the Mets!

Post/Pre/Dailyblow: Sandy Alderson Is a “Fucking Pinocchio Ass Nigga”

metsblow, Leave a comment
Tweet of the Day: @ogdiamond15
Tweet of the Day: @ogdiamond15

First, the postblow: Mets 6, Phillies 3. Nobody cares. Umps wanted to go home for Memorial Day. Everybody struck out. There were some dingers. NOBODY CARES. Mets beat the Phillies. WOOHOO WE’RE BAAAAAACK. Colon hit a single. Nice. Cuddyer hit a homer run (to the 2nd deck) and did a bat flip. 2nd deck bat flip! .100 pts below career avg bat flip! Recker, at one point, K’d and his bat went flying into the stands. Bat flip!

Second, I received intel of this tweet–here at Metsblow we have our little birds everywhere–without context and assumed it was about Jon Niese and his schnoz. Nope! It’s about Alderson and his lies. FACT. Straight up FACT. Sandy Alderson is 100% unequivocally a “fucking Pinocchio ass nigga.”

Alderson is probably going to extend Recker’s contract. I know Recker is exploring his options in the Mexican Leagues, so you better do something quickly, Sandy! He only made a fielding AND throwing error to let the final out K reach 1st base. No biggie! Contract extension!

As for the “fucking Pinocchio ass nigga” not making any moves until TDA and Wright come back, where does he stand now? When the doctor advises Wright to retire, do you think the Mets will move Flores to 3rd? NOPE! They’re going to lie, because that’s what else is a “fucking Pinocchio ass nigga” going to do? He’ll say, “Wright will be back in a month! Just a small setback!” And they won’t move Wilmer to 3rd. And they won’t do anything…except lose. We will continue to be the worst team (we are the worst May team this season), despite having the best pitching. It’s unheard of. It’s legendary.

Finally, the preblow: We play the Phillies tonight. Nobody gives a shit. Whoopdee-freakin-doo.

pinocchio

P.S. The Wilpons made Wright pay out of pocket for his flight to California to see the back specialist. Also the flight was uncomfortable and a tremendous strain on his thinning spinal column.

P.P.S. Galvis bunted with his foot on home plate and that’s not challenge-able so oooops it counts and then the Phils tied the game later that inning. Anything being unchallenge-able is retaaaarded. It makes no sense. That’s what instant replay is for, you fucks. It’s the same with the government. Next black guy to get murked by the cops is gonna have a family. The family is gonna want to see the replay and get justice. The gov’t is gonna be like, “nah, his foot was on the base. Not challenge-able.”

Pre/Postblow Whatever Fuck You

metsblowLeave a comment

Mets lost 9-1 to the Pirates yesterday. Sweepadeep.

Who gives a shit. It’s over. Pour one out for your boy D-Wright. And now his watch has ended.

The Giants designated Casey McGehee for assignment. He’s hitting .200, so basically he’s better than anyone on the Mets. Another team’s trash is the Mets’ cleanup hitter. SCRAP HEAP! SCRAP HEAP!

By the way, at some point in the game, the Mets struck out 3 times with a man on 3rd and nobody out. AMAZIN’!

I’m optimistic about the team. We’ll have the pitching to contend next year. We’ve been “5 years away” forever. We’re actually 1 away now. Best news ever.

Also Matt Harvey has dead arm. Also Duda has a pulled hammie (he’s in the lineup today, so prepare for it to get pulled worse).

The Mets play the Phillies today. The Mets have scored fewer runs per game in the month of May than the on-paper-consensus-worst-offense-in-the-league. NOPE! WRONG! It’s the Mets. The Mets are worse…than the over-the-hill, no-chance Phillies. Wow. Metsblow.

THE WHEELS HAVE FALLEN OFF!!

metsblowLeave a comment
Crash boom bang
Crash boom bang

Yesterday, Harvey got shelled and we lost 8-2. But enough Postblow, this is much deeper than one game.

THE WHEELS HAVE FALLEN THE FUCK OFF.

David Wright is going to retire. He has METS AIDS aka spinal stenosis. He will never return. It’s over. The end of an era. The greatest Met since Seaver. It’s over. Thoughts and prayers.

Now batting…your 3rd baseman…RUUUUUBEEENNNN TEEJAAAADDDDAAAAA.

Lucas Duda pulled a hammie. He’s out, too! The only impact bat on the team. Gone. Good God Almighty.

Juan Lagares has also been scratched! He’s hitting .175 since the collision with Cuddy. “Oh, he’s fine,” said the Mets doctors. Oopsie.

Also Gee is being forced to make another rehab start and claims that he’s, “wasting bullets.” Hahahah, nice job, Sandy! Way to make the whole pitching staff hate you.

We’re running out of wheels to fall off, here! It’s a 4-wheel car, and we’ve lost 5 wheels, a mathematical impossibility. Pack it up. It’s all over, people.

Sandy Alderson said he wouldn’t make a trade until he sees the lineup with TDA and Wright. Well, that’s NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. “Ooooh dang, and I was gonna make a trade, too. But, you know my rule.” -Sandy, on D-Wright’s impending retirement.

The only good thing (and this is a gigantic reach) is that the lil bitch from 710 is going crazy. I give him credit. I don’t like him. I don’t like any of the guys they’ve positioned to replace Howie, but I respect that he’s going crazy right now. He’s saying that this is the year and that we CAN’T look to 2016. We have to sell the farm and go all in right now. And I agree. The pitching is too good to waste.

OH WAIT! NEVERMIND!! The word is in from the Wilpons! Wright will be back tomorrow!!!

And Reyes, too! Phew, that was a close one.

Postblow Double Down: Just How Boring Was Last Night’s Game?

metsblowLeave a comment
I'd bet all my money that everyone watching fell asleep.
I’d bet all my money that everyone watching fell asleep.

The shitballs as Metsblog just listed yesterday’s “highlights.” They were:

1) Thor strikes out Marte in the 2nd for his 4th straight K to begin the game.

~I admit that was cool, except in this same inning he let up 2 runs. It was looking like it was going to be a 0-0 game for about 15 minutes.

2) Lagares scoring on a wild pitch.

3) Thor strikes out the opposing pitcher.

Zzzzzzzzz.
Zzzzzzzzz.

Preblow: Harvey Should Shut Up

metsblow, Leave a comment
RARF.
RARF.

Today, Harvey takes the hill against Burnett. Harvey has a 16-inning scoreless streak going. He’s 0-1 in his last two starts. Hahahaha, no that’s not a joke.

Burnett will mow us down today. Get ready, Matt, it’s CGSO or bust. We all know it.

The Mets announced that they’re going with a 6-man rotation. GREAT NEWS! Now Harvey can stay out there longer, since he won’t be pitching as many innings as long as the 6-man rotation stays in tact. I love it. Everyone loves it…except Harvey.

Matt Harvey made it clear to TC that he isn’t thrilled about the 6-man rotation.

Shut up, Matt! This is for your own protection. I love his grit, but dammit just shut up and pitch. Ugh. Matt Harvey will be a Yankee in 2018. Book it. The second he’s eligible (after the 2018 season?) or sooner, even. Ugh ugh ugh.

Eric Campbell Blows

metsblow, Leave a comment
"I didn't know there was dogshit in this soup!"
“I didn’t know there was dogshit in this soup!”

Eric Campbell is such dogshit. He must make a quick run to the bookie right before they call him up from Vegas. He bets that he’ll have a great first game, wins the bet, and then gets out every single AB after that.

This is on Sandy and the Jewpons. It’s their fault. When your LYNCHPIN, ROCK, CAPTAIN, STAR, FRANCHISE player gets injured, you don’t fucking replace him with a career minor leaguer. That isn’t the way it works. And this is NOT the same as when Murph got hurt and they brought up Herrera. Herrera is a 21 year old kid and the Mets think he’s a major piece in their future. That’s way different than, “holy shit our best player got injured and we DON’T HAVE A REPLACEMENT.”

The Mets decided not to get a backup at 3B. The position where the starter hasn’t played a full season in half a decade. David Wright getting injured was the lock of locks. Metsblow. Fuck the Wilpons.