Month: September 2015

Cespedes Says He’ll Take a 6 Year Deal

metsblow, , 2 Comments
"Cigars on me."
“Cigars on me…again”

Cespedes says that he’ll take a 6 year deal. By putting that number on the board, Cespedes is openly stating, “I’ll stay if they’ll have me.” Holy balls he’s begging us to sign him. No 7yr deals is Alderson’s THING.

If the Jewpons can’t offer the best player in franchise history a legitimate 6 year deal ($175m), then you have to sell the team. He wants to be here. Just give him what he wants.

Are the Dodgers or Yankees going to offer him something ridiculous like 6 years/$200m? Can’t be. That’s nuts. But why not? We’re talking about a legend here. The Mets have to give him enough. If the Mets let him go, Metsblow will make the Jewpons pay with fire and blood. Either way, I’m getting his jersey.

I don’t think we’re gonna sign Cespedes. I think we’re sooo alllllll in this year. When have we ever made these kind of moves? We usually just let the bullpen tank to shit. This year we got Clippard AND Reed? I don’t think we should get used to it.

P.S. The racist FOX broadcasters are talking about Yoenis’s yellow sleeve and the UNIFORM CODE. This is like when Boston said he was a bad teammate because he didn’t take bp before games. Ummmm, I think he knows what he’s doing. Ummmm, I think NOBODY ON THE METS GIVES A SHIT. I certainly don’t. Because we’re not all evil bigots in NYC. It’s called Superstar License, you freakin’ morons. Let the master use his methods.

Mets Take Back At Least a 3rd of the City

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Grandpa Matz and I are both psyched that we've got ANOTHER live one.
Grandpa Matz and I are both psyched that we’ve got ANOTHER live one.

Mets 5, Yankees 1

Is Matz the best of all our young guns? Should he start in the playoffs? He fuckin battled out there. Got the W. Tanaka got the L. Fuck yeah. Fuck Tanaka and his elbow that dangles like the Sword of Damocles.

Some big dingers from Duda, Murph, and Uribe was all the offense we needed. It’d be sooo great if Duda got hot please please please.

Can Dilson Herrera play SS? Don’t get me wrong, I like Wilmer, especially batting 8th. That’s a potent lineup. And with our flamethrowing pitchers racking up Ks, it shouldn’t be that shitty to have him at SS, but I’d really prefer Flores at 2B and a real SS at SS. I thought Dilson had all the tools. I guess you put in Tejada late in the game. Flores made one nice play, and a bunch of shitty ones. SS is just too damn important.

Unfortunately, today’s game is on FOX, so no GKR. Can we get them to do an unsanctioned podcast for the playoffs or something? The Yankees really want these games. They lined up Tanaka and Pineda to face us. Fuck ’em.

What’s All This ‘Take Back The City’ Talk?

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Maybe the Yankees will show up in cotton uniforms.
Maybe the Yankees will show up in cotton uniforms.

Just two things:

1) Take back the city? Fuck that. Fuck the bandwagoners. Oooh, you root for both NY teams? Oh, you’re just a fan of New York? In the words of Leo Dicaprio, you’re a “two-faced faggot.” I’m glad that the Mets are getting lots of attention. They deserve it. Cespedes deserves it. Let’s win the fucking division. But I don’t want to hear shit about “the city” and whatnot. The Mets have a job to do this weekend, and that’s win baseball games against a good team. Yankee fans suck ass. It couldn’t be more of a microcosm of the personality of a Yankee fan that when the Mets do well, they’re Mets fans, too. Whatever. Root for us. Fine. If it means more dollars that the Jewpons will have to get Cespedes, then I’m all for it.

2) I like Matz and Thor a lot. They oppose Tanaka and Pineda. Both Tanaka and Pineda shouldn’t be pitching. They’re both cheaters with magical arms that have somehow not fallen off, yet. It makes no sense. Any pitcher on any other team would need TJ by now. I don’t get it. And by, “I don’t get it,” I mean I totally DO get it and it’s that the Gods are on their side and they cheat and roid up big time and have magical healing powers. Every coin flip always lands up for the Yankees. And by coin flip, I mean they cheat at every turn. The Yankees are the Patriots. Hell, their names are even similarly jingoistic. New Yorkers should understand that by now.

Hold The Fucking Phone

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holdphone

Marlins 6, Mets 0

Magic Number stalled at 10.

I get bombarded with commercials for playoff tickets every 10 minutes.

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE.

WE HAVEN’T CLINCHED SHIT.

WE HAVEN’T WON SHIT.

Take the day off. Shower it off. Even great offensive teams get shut out. The Blue Jays lost to the Braves. The Marlins are always GAME for the Mets. They always treat these series as their World Series, since they have nothing else to play for. Good for them. They spoiled the party. But it’s not 2007 or 2008. They didn’t eliminate us. We’re still in the driver’s seat. Shake it off. Get ready for the Yankees. Our elite pitching should carry us through, but you gotta score more than zero runs.

Stop advertising for fucking playoff shit.

It’s Giving Season

metsblow, , 1 Comment
Tiz the season
Tiz the season, also my brother rolled a Turkey in our bowling league yesterday. Nice.

Marlins 9, Mets 3

deGrom got rocked. Cespedes got beaned (in the butt). The Nationals won. Not good not good not good. But let’s remember that it’s now giving season. So let’s give.

GIVE: deGrom some fucking rest. Rest that arm. Rest, rest, rest. He shut the Nats down. Don’t worry too much. Just rest him.

GIVE: Cespedes infinity dollars. That’s his worth. Attendance (both at the stadium and on TV) is up a bazillion percent. So are t-shirt sales. So is everything Mets-related. If the Mets don’t sign him, they not only don’t care about winning, but they don’t care about making money, either. These players are commodities, and Cespedes getting a $175mil contract will net billions for the Jewpons. I went to Stuy. I’m a mathemagician. He’s worth a billion dollars. If the Mets don’t sign him, we will spend much of the 2016 season watching Cespedes (and Michael Fulmer) tear up the league while we fall back to being a .500 or worse team.

GIVE: The pink slip to anyone who was in the war room voting against Cespedes. Apparently Alderson wanted him all the way (which makes sense since Billy Beane was Cespedes’ first MLB GM). But also apparently, some dudes tried to vote it down. Fire them all. Tiz the season for giving pink slips, too.

GIVE: All your attention, love, and prayers to the Mets. Ignore your friends and families completely (unless they’re also Mets fans) because now is the time. Ignore all Gods but the Baseball Gods, for the Baseball Gods are Mighty, Wrathful, and Angry. Pray to them. Pray, pray, pray. Give all your prayers to them. Now is the time.

Magic Number 10 Even With Rigged Umpiring

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Mets 4, Marlins 3

Beware the rigged umpiring. The umps tried to steal this one (no fucking way Uribe went around on that K). We know the Yankees will get all the calls in their 1-game playoff. The ump office in NYC has a Jeff Maier plaque in it. Umps love Kershaw and Greinke, too. Beware.

Opponents should just walk Cespedes every time.

d’Arnaud, when healthy, is hitting better than Posey. He’s not the same caliber fielder, but damn Travis can slug. Pray for his health. Pray for him.

So get ready, Metsblow nation. Get ready for Harvey to get shelled. Get ready for the umps to rig shit, even WITH replay. Get ready for the world to somehow swing back to normalcy where we blow. Prepare for the worst and pray for the best. 

Pennant Blow: The Nats squeaked by the Phillies in 11 innings. Our magic number remains at 10. 

Mets Somehow Win 82nd Game

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Mets 10, Braves 7 (F/10)

Man, what a stinker! The Mets made about 10 errors–only 2 of which counted because the official scorer in Atlanta was drunk–and still won. They didn’t even start Cespedes. They started Kirk for fucks sake. No Wright or TDA, either. This was a straight up OFF DAY for the Mets and they still won.

The Braves are the biggest losers on the beach. They got sun burnt and have sand in their buns. What losers. What an embarrassment. 26 outs in and 3 runs up and they couldn’t close it out.

Conforto dinger. And his D is better than all the scouts thought. He’s the 2nd best player on the team. He’s great.

Murph will not be in the team next year. He is clutch, though. Ya gotta give him that.

82 wins. Whoopdee-shit. We’re officially not losers this year. Had we gotten the Cubano in the offseason like I begged, we’d be at 100 already. Anyway, we got him (more than halfway through the season) and we’re fucking rolling. Let’s try and get that 2 seed and get the extra home game against the Dodgers. Go go go don’t blow blow blow.

Thank God For No Extra Innings

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Mets 6, Braves 4

That was too close. The new look offense was able to get 2 in the top of the 9th, once again thanks to Cespedes. He had already hit a dinger, but this time it was a dribbler that did the trick.

Who blew? Clip board, that’s who. Get it together, Tyler. It’s one thing to let up a dinger to Bryce, especially when it’s just a solo shot and you have wiggle room, but last night was some bullllshit. Stop blowing.

Let’s sweep em and get the fuck out of Turner Field. Gonna be tough with Niese up. He’s got a lot to prove. It’s looking more and more likely that he winds up in the pen as a lefty specialist. Hopefully, they knock Turner Field down soon. I think that’s still a couple years away. 

Pennant Race: the Nats blooooooow. They lost to the Marlins again. Wow they bloooow.

So Who Blew Yesterday?

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Mets 5, Braves 1

NatsBlow.com would be making a fortune right now. They lost in Miami. They’re fucking dogshit. Lifeless poo.

I don’t even know what to write about. PayCespedes.com might be a good idea for a site.

Matz should start in the playoffs. Make Niese the lefty specialist out of the pen. I don’t think he’s as good as Edgin or Blevins, but hey what can ya do?

Thor starts today. Can’t skip him with the #2 seed in our reach. It’s looking more and more likely that the Mets will make the playoffs (fuck the Jewpons, still) and will play the Dodgers in the divisional round. I’d really prefer that extra home game, durrrr.

Hainted Turner Field No Match for Big Sexy

metsblow, 4 Comments
Still not as fat as Ruth.
Still not as fat as Ruth.

Mets 7, Braves 2

Well, I guess Turner Field got to us a BIT as Colon’s scoreless streak ended after 31 innings. Even so, he pitched very well (6.2 IP, 2 ER). He also had an RBI single because the man can HIT. All of this came after a long rain delay, which makes the performance even more impressive. Colon, through a translator, said he was very happy.

Plawecki and Uribe each had 3 rib-eyes as everyone seems to be contributing. I even saw Eric Young, Jr. crossing the plate at one point.

The Braves are dogshit. Turner Field is our biggest enemy by far in this series. Today, Steven Matz will go up against significantly shittier rookie Matt Wisler.