Month: June 2015

Postblow: Don’t Get Too Excited

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Mets 4, Blue Jays 3 (F/11)

Way to end the Jays’ winning streak. Way to do it like a bunch of assholes.

I don’t blame Familia. Collins keeps asking him for 4-out saves. His arm is fuuuucked.

Thor looked spectacular. He rolled with Buehrle and Buehrle has been one of the best for a decade now. Thor and TDA came over from the Jays (for Dickey) and that’s one trade that I can actually give the thumbs-up to.

Everyone’s talking about what a great comeback win it was. Well…uhhh….how bout we score some fucking runs so we don’t have to have a heart attack every damn game? Can we win a game by more than 1 run? Can we win a game in 9 innings?

Props to Cuddy for hustling. We have no team speed (Herrera looks fast! Herrera looks good!) but Cuddy has been known for his grit and it was on display last night. That’s how you manufacture runs. You have to fucking MOVE.

Get The Fuck Out of My Face With David Wright Talk

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Ow, my spine.
Ow, my spine.
GM Sandy “Pinocchio Ass Nigga” Alderson lied again about David Wright today. Or wait, he didn’t lie. He just said that Wright COULD be back by the all-star break. Yeah, and he COULD be back by May 15th. And Jesus COULD rise up and tell the people to kill all the Jews and Muslims, but it ain’t gonna happen.

This is another completely transparent move by those Jew fuckhead Wilpons. They’re not gonna spend a time. They expect us to hold out and hope for David Wright? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Sell the team. Fuck you. Even if Wright was fully healthy, you STILL GO OUT and get someone. Our depth is paper thin. We resigned Kirk for fucks sake. I hate you, Jeff Wilpon. I wouldn’t let you in my house in the pouring rain. Get out. You’re an awful person. This isn’t a lighthearted roast. I don’t do Metsblow in jest. I truly hate you. You are awful. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only you.

Preblow: Home and Home Against the (Of Course) Surging Blue Jays

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We miss them.
We miss them.

~The Dickpiece will be pitching game 4 of the series. They should really have him pitch in Shitti Citi. He had the best season in Citi’s history. He owns the damn place.

~Blue Jays are suuuurging. 11 in a row. That sounds familiar. Lotta good it did the Mets–1st place! The Mets seem to run into streaking teams constantly. And we supposedly have the pitching to silence surging bats.

~Harvey v Reyes…SWEEEET.

Postblow: DINGERS!! Mets’ Healthy Lineup Has Been Juicing

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crying native american

Mets 10, Braves 8

Greasy Ceciliani! d’Arnaud! Herrera! Dingers from three dudes who were either injured or in the minors just a week ago. Also, Lagares has been playing hurt for a while, but he labored through it and looks more comfortable at the plate. He’ll need TJ for his throwing arm, though. And he missed a play in deep center. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him beat over the top before.

Gee will never start again as a Met. Book it. If someone in the 5-man rotation gets hurt, they’re gonna give Matz the start.

The Mets took the series. They should’ve swept. Thank the Seven that Familia was back from paternity leave. He got a 4-out save (Freeman in the 8th) and it was relatively smooth sailing. Herrera made a brilliant play. The team is much better with him and TDA back. We have paper thin depth. 

Familia has been spectacular–the MVP of the team so far this season. Yesterday’s abortion of a 9th inning and the laborious, lifeless extra innings that followed showed just how important Familia is. Pay heem. Pay zat man his mah-nee.

Postblow: Worst Loss of the Season

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Braves 5, Mets 3 (F/11)

Familia better have had a cute fucking kid…
WILMER!!!! Simmons turns that DP every fucking time. The fundies!!! Gaaaahhh.

We need Blevins for Freeman. And we need Mejia back, too.

deGrom is counting the days till free agency.

[Preblow bonus] Gee is auditioning for the league, today. Like every other starter, he wants the FUCK out. 

Postblow/Preblow: Widening the 1st Place Gap

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Mets 5, Braves 3

The Mets beat the red skinned maize-munchers and I’m shocked. The Braves–for my lifetime–have been the second scariest team (behind the Junkies). They’re auto-losses in my book. But last night we had a nice clean game. Big Sexy had the sex, Flores looked like Tulo, and even our bench players (Mayberry) contributed. Shit, even Soup had an RBI groundout. Boy, it’s a good thing we let Justin “Giantsbane” Turner walk, huh! He’s only the CLEANUP hitter for the run-smacking Dodgers now. 

We looked good, what can I say? We could really use Blevins to face Freeman, but otherwise we looked good…for 1 game…

Preblow: A real duel. deGrom vs Miller. They’re both in Cy Young contention at this point in the season. Very exciting. We’re fucked. We’ve got to continue to play OUR game, like last night. It all stems from dominant pitching. CGSO or bust should be written on Dan Warthen’s eyelids.

Preblow: Mets v Braves – We Could Be in 1st, 2nd, or 3rd by Series End

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Don't forget to take his Mets hat along with his scalp.
Don’t forget to take his Mets hat along with his scalp.

The Mets host the featherheads dirt worshippers blanket-asses buffalo lovers eskimos redskins injuns maize-munchers savages squantos tomahawk-chuckers Braves for 3 games this weekend. The Mets are in 1st, but the Nats are 0.5 behind and the Braves are 2.5 behind.

Big Sexy takes the hill tonight against Alex Wood. Wood got ejected his last start, so this should be a good opportunity for him to bounce back.

They say Murph will be back any day. Meanwhile, Blevins is DEEEAD and Plawecki is DIIIIZZY and Tejada is a DAAADDYY. Herrera is back, though, and they (non-Mets scouts included) say he’ll be an all-star someday. It should be fun watching him grow up, get hurt, go to another team, and become said all-star.

Expect to see Parnell in this series. His 12+ ERA in the minors bodes well!

Postblow: Celebrate Winning 1 Out of 3!

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Woo-fucking-hoo
Woo-fucking-hoo

Mets 5, Giants 4

The sycophantic Mets blogs will tell you to celebrate the walk-off win. They’ll tell you that we’re in 1st place. CEEELLLLEEEBBRRRAAATTEE GOOD TIMES, C’MON!!

I have things to point out:

1) The Nats are ALSO doodoo. NL Least for sure.

2) The Giants are NOT. They’re damn good. They made two mistakes all series. They were both in the 9th inning last night. An HBP and a PB. It cost them the sweep. Their fundies should be lauded for the most part.

3) How many times has Campbell or Flores or Murph made a ground ball error with Niese on the mound followed by a dinger? It happened last night. It’s happened before and will happen again. Fundies! Composure! We have neither.

4) The takeaway of the game: Duda got the IBB in the 9th and Cuddy made them pay. Biggest thing ever. 2006 Mets: Wright had Delgado and Beltran and Floyd around him…not to mention Reyes leading off. Wright and Duda haven’t been healthy at the same time yet in Mets history. If d’Arnaud and Cuddy can provide Duda with protection, he’ll rock it.

5) The Mets are 25-4 when scoring 4+ runs. Taken in the context of our record (32-29), this is perhaps the most ridiculous stat I have ever seen. It means, essentially, that we should be a 110 win team.

6) Plawecki is still dizzy as fuck.