Ok, not yet. So our 4-5-1 in the rotation is going up against the Braves 4-5-1 this series. We won’t hit Teheran (though he did get shelled last start against Toronto) so Colon’s really gotta bear down.
The bigger message of this series is the 4-5. This is where we separate from them. We’re supposed to have a 4-5 that would be 2s on other teams. Their 4-5s are stop-gap doodoo minor leaguers or has-beens. This is a perfect opportunity for Plawecki to get his sea legs.
This is what supposedly makes us contenders, even more so than Harvey or whatever; that we are WITHOUT A HOLE in the rotation, and they have two holes. Stick it in their holes.
So obviously the Mets moved their AAA team from Norfolk, VA (where David Wright and Michael Cuddyer grew up) to Las Vegas, NV because of gambling. That’s cool. I get it. You want your young, promising athletes to get used the bright lights, p-tutes, and losing all their money in some Mets-related fiasco.
But now, Shittifield and the Mets are straight up running a lottery scam. In a transparent move to sell more tickets, the Mets have started “Citi Perks.” Basically, Shittiperks means you buy tickets, and maybe you’ll win some kind of lottery. Some kid got to throw out the first pitch the other day, which is a cool perk. So is winning the lotto. It’s a great perk.
The lotto costs $1 and you can win millions. The odds are astronomically against you. The Shittiperks lotto, I imagine, is pretty stacked against you, but at least you get a ticket to see at least one Mets player get injured.
The worst part? The lackeys at Metsblog are pitching it hard: Mets fans certainly have a lot to be excited about when coming out to Citi Field these days, and now thanks to Citi, there are sure to be a few more surprises coming their way.
Thanks, Metsblog. They are surely the bipartisan journalists that we need. Knowing the Jewpons, I can’t imagine they paid you that much to sell your journalistic integrity. I hope it was worth it, you fucking lackeys.
P.S. They should be taking bets on who gets injured next. The way Duda is raking, it’s likely him. Mets fans aren’t supposed to have such nice things.
In the last Blow, I wrote about Vic “Take The” Black and his injury.
To summarize, Vic Black has a herniated disk in his neck and the team said it’s an improvement since his last exam. Metsblowers laughed and said, “Great satire, Mr. Metsblow!”
Here’s the thing: It wasn’t satire. I tried writing that in the last blow but I didn’t get the message across, so let me say it again: IT WAS NOT SATIRE. THE METS ACTUALLY ISSUED THAT STATEMENT.
The Vic Black quote is just another classic example of how Metsblow writes itself. They have a monkey doing PR/damage control. It’s utterly ridiculous. I’ve now read the quote 5 times. It can’t be real, but it is. Vic Black’s neck is about to twist off with a new injury that the Mets have not previously diagnosed, and they’re saying it’s an improvement. Meet the Mets! Meet the Mets! Step right up and greet the Metsblow.
Travid d’Arnaud – Out for at least 3 weeks. He will then have his cast/splint/casket removed and will be reevaluated by Dr. Weff Jilpon.
Jerry Blevins – Out for at least 6 weeks. Forever dead.
Vic Black – Has a disk herniation in his neck, which is causing weakness in his triceps/arm. Team says it’s an improvement since his last exam. Read that again. The team actually said that. What a spin! Boy did the team doctors spin that well. Spun it so fast it’ll make your neck herniated.
After the Pretender Marlins got their shit pushed in by the Contender (?) Mets, manager Mike Redmond (and his counterpart Mike Methodmond) might get fired and replaced by Wally Backman.
Backman, as we all know, is the Mets AAA manager (last year’s Pacific Coast League’s manager of the year), was a part of the ’86 Championship team, and is considered a leading candidate to manage the Mets when the Wilpons decide to scapegoat Terry Collins.
Here’s how this is going to play out: The Mets swept the Marlins. Now, the Marlins are going to bring in Backman and the Marlins are going to topple the injury-riddled Mets and make the playoffs. Terry will be fired and the Wilpons will make no off-season moves to improve the team’s depth because, as the Wilpons will say, “there’s just no way we can get as injured again!”
I would consider using blood magic to rid the team of the Wilpons…
How many times in the history of the sport have two players–in the same inning and on the same team–been struck with a baseball and each fractured a bone?
Will the Wilpons go out and sure up the squad? FUCK NO! They’re such cheap Jew fucks. We’re 10-3, on an 8 game winning streak, and I’m hitting the panic button.
The true curse is the evil Jew curse that the Wilpons have cast on the team. That and the bargain bin Dr. Nick medical staff they’ve hired.
Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing…till I jam this down your throat!
The only thing I’ll say about today’s game is that the last time we had a win streak like this, it was when we were a complete doo-doo team. None of this means anything. Metsblow. It’s April.
But every win counts! I am such a schizophrenic Mets fan, right now. I’m such a stereotype.
I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Harvey looks phenomenal in the 1st inning. He just made Stanton look like a bitch.
Big Hat with the save! Phew. He reads Metsblow. He saw the preblow and he saw himself in the mirror before the game and got jacked up. Thank you for being a safety role model for our city and our nation’s youth.
How come Collins didn’t yank Carlos Torres when he was clearly shook? He threw a WP, sheesh.
deGrom with deWin. Fuck yeah!!! So deserved.
7 in a row! Tomorrow, Harvey’s on the hill going for 8 and the 4-game sweep against Florida. I’m sorry, I mean Flo Rida.
The Mets can clinch the Contender v Pretender Series tonight. Excellent. deGrom on the hill. Excellent. Lead by The Dude, The Mets have hit the ball (this week) and scored runs (against shitty pitching). Excellent.
Most excellent of all, like Malibu Stacy before him, Alex Torres has a new hat! Bighat is back! And his hat is more ridiculous than ever. Sick hat.
MetsBlow 