We win. Braves are dogshit. Dingers in the 1st (Wright, Yo, Dude) and then we got shut the fuck out but it was enough.
Terry, why the FUCK did you pull Bart for the 9th?! Under 100 pitches. Not a save situation. You just want Jeurys to get work in? Uhhh, he got the save on Saturday. Retarded. Terry’s hook is retarded.
#HarveyDay is tomorrow. Can he stop this potent Braves lineup?!
Mets 7, Braves 2
Well, I guess Turner Field got to us a BIT as Colon’s scoreless streak ended after 31 innings. Even so, he pitched very well (6.2 IP, 2 ER). He also had an RBI single because the man can HIT. All of this came after a long rain delay, which makes the performance even more impressive. Colon, through a translator, said he was very happy.
Plawecki and Uribe each had 3 rib-eyes as everyone seems to be contributing. I even saw Eric Young, Jr. crossing the plate at one point.
The Braves are dogshit. Turner Field is our biggest enemy by far in this series. Today, Steven Matz will go up against significantly shittier rookie Matt Wisler.
Braves 1, Mets less than 1
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
…
Ahahahahahahahahaha
Harvey with the L.
Hahahahahahahahaha
Braves 6, Mets 4
What’s the point of typing this? Sloppy etc, Fundies etc, d’Arnaud hurt, “we’re waiting for David Wright’s return” etc, blah blah fucking blah.
Here is a quote from the Maverick a few years back:
“We like what we’re seeing from Andres Torres. We don’t think Pagan will pan out.” *Cut to Pagan winning rings on rings*
And one from the most recent offseason:
“There was really nobody available.” *Cut to Kang and Pittsburg winning the wildcard*
Freeman didn’t even play yesterday, or the day before. The Braves not only gift-wrapped the series, but let’s be real here, they went into this season with wrapping paper. “Yeah we’re gonna give up Upton and Kimbrel and really look to bolster ourselves for a 2017 run.” And then on June 1, they amended that statement with, “Wait, everyone the division sucks dick? Yeah, ok, I guess we’re in it, then.”
We are 3-15 in our last 18 road games. Wow. I guess it makes sense. We’re just a simple, small market team, after all. MAVERICK!
In the 1st inning, the Braves made a mental error and our announcers made the following exchange:
Keith- Mental error #1 on the game goes to the Braves! I’ll try and keep track of the mental error score today. I don’t know if I can.
Ron- You’ll need an abacus.
Shortly after this conversation, d’Arnaud threw a ball down to 2nd on a stolen base attempt and nobody was covering the base. It was amazing. You could hear Keith’s bottle slamming the table. *glug glug THUMP.* Ronnie said, “It’s so sloppy. Is this single-A ball?” They were going off. Shortly after, Campbell (playing 3rd) stepped on 3rd instead of throwing home on a crucial play. Keith went nuts. More from them:
Ron- It’s suspect. Really suspect.
Keith- The infield defense is not good. Not good at all.
No other announcer in the league would dream of this kind of blunt talk.
Burn Turner Field to the ground (2 more years!). It’s hainted. Hainted I tells ya. We give 32 outs per game.
1 positive note: Grandy hit a ball 420ft. Whooooooo cares? The Braves, with the worst pen in the league, basically mowed us down anyway.
d’Arnaud got hurt and his dead. Good thing we have these new safety rules at the plate!!
ANOTHER LIE DEJA FUCKING VU: Daniel Murphy will be back on Saturday. NOPE. Daniel Murphy will be back on Tuesday. NOPE. Just tell us he’s dead! We can take the news. We just can’t take the lies. WE HATE YOU, JEFF WILPON. WE ALL HATE YOU. FUCK YOU.
It’s really all happening. Deja Vu argh. We’re gonna set a ML record for injuries and for lowest ERA ever to miss the playoffs.
Wave bye-bye to first place. We’re officially .5 games back. Say bye-bye, sweetie! WAIVE bye bye to Gee. Opening Day starter 2014. Worthless. Completely worthless. Nice job, Maverick! Meanwhile, Scherzer is the best pitcher in baseball, throwing a nono last night (should’ve been a perfect game but the Pirates out-gamed him by leaning into a pitch). It makes sense that the Nats picked him up. Their staff was SO BAD last year. That’s why they made the move. They didn’t have ANY PITCHING LAST YEAR. Oh, wait, they had the best pitching in league history? And made a move anyway? To improve? But why improve? I don’t understand. That’s not the maverick way.
Today, the Mets try to avoid the sweep against a Braves team that doesn’t have Freeman (their best player bar none). Harvey v Teheran. Happy #HarveyDay whatever fuck you.
Braves 2, Mets 1
I thought that extra inning loss to the Braves LAST WEEK was the worst loss of the season. NOPE! This one was worse.
It all starts with the fundies, of course. Derp Grandy derp error in the 4th. And so a completely deGrominating 4th inning becomes a runner on 3rd with Jacob now having to dial it up and pitch under pressure. Yeah he got out of it because he’s the best pitcher in the league, but it still adds many stressful pitches to his count. When the 8th rolled around and it was 1-0 (we’ve scored 2 total runs in about 33 innings now), deGrom’s pitch count was >100 instead of <100 like it should have been.
We suck. We blow. We’re out. I’m done. We’re wasting the most amazing pitching this club has even seen.
Oh and how about Tejada! My boy! Another double.
Grandy needs to be pulled from the leadoff spot. Change his name to Kurtis.
Not to take away from deGrom but Freeman was hurt. We lost to the Braves without Freeman in the lineup. Utterly pathetic.
I know Wisler isn’t a bum making his ML debut. He’s touted. I get that. But damn, talk about a Confidence Game for him. He hasn’t seen a lineup this bad since single-A.
THE FUNDIES! THE FUNDIES!! We couldn’t get the lead runner on a bunt attempt because we were lined up out of position (Ruben!). Then, Flores can’t get a guy on an infield “single.” I hate it so much. I hate watching them. deGrom gets the L!? Amazing. Unfuckingbelievable. The unflappable deGrom smashed the water cooler in frustration, uttering, “I can’t wait to be a Yankee.”
Keith would love Metsblow. He’s certainly a Metsblower. Glaringly bad defense on this road trip. It’s fundies. We gift-wrapped this one.
Oh, and also, Collins brought in Familia in a losing situation. Yeah, go ahead and make him unavailable for the rest of the series. Niiiiice. Oh, and he’s hurt! Groin injury! YAY!
We can’t hit. We can’t field. I’m done.
OK, round 2 against the maize munchers this week. We took 2 out of 3 at Shitti (should’ve been a sweep…thanks a lot Familia’s kid). Now, we’ll likely get swept in Atlanta like we always do. Atlanta has been our hell for as long as I can remember. We usually get swept harder than the disease-soaked blankets that we distributed to these tomahawk chuckers.
I’m not sure where Bob Costas will be for all this. Someone call Dan Snyder and tell him to support the Wompum-trading dirt-worshippers.
We’ve got 3 of our big cannons going. Tonight, it’s deGrom vs Matt Wisler, making his major league debut. Last year’s ROY should outduel the shit out of him, but there’s not better lineup to make your debut against than the Mets. The Mets have the worst road hitting in baseball bar none. Lowest run total, lowest everything.
Then, it’s Thor vs Perez, and finally Harvey vs Teheran in a battle of aces on Sunday (at 5:05…fuckin Atlanta). With those arms, it should be a sweep for us. But with our lineup, naaaaaht so fast. Joke. Team is a joke. Fucking god damn joke. Head on over to the illegal sportsbook at the Wahoo Sands Resort and put it all on the Mets scoring less than 5 runs in 3 games. Good god almighty Metsblow.
Mets 10, Braves 8
Greasy Ceciliani! d’Arnaud! Herrera! Dingers from three dudes who were either injured or in the minors just a week ago. Also, Lagares has been playing hurt for a while, but he labored through it and looks more comfortable at the plate. He’ll need TJ for his throwing arm, though. And he missed a play in deep center. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him beat over the top before.
Gee will never start again as a Met. Book it. If someone in the 5-man rotation gets hurt, they’re gonna give Matz the start.
The Mets took the series. They should’ve swept. Thank the Seven that Familia was back from paternity leave. He got a 4-out save (Freeman in the 8th) and it was relatively smooth sailing. Herrera made a brilliant play. The team is much better with him and TDA back. We have paper thin depth.
Familia has been spectacular–the MVP of the team so far this season. Yesterday’s abortion of a 9th inning and the laborious, lifeless extra innings that followed showed just how important Familia is. Pay heem. Pay zat man his mah-nee.
Mets 5, Braves 3
The Mets beat the red skinned maize-munchers and I’m shocked. The Braves–for my lifetime–have been the second scariest team (behind the Junkies). They’re auto-losses in my book. But last night we had a nice clean game. Big Sexy had the sex, Flores looked like Tulo, and even our bench players (Mayberry) contributed. Shit, even Soup had an RBI groundout. Boy, it’s a good thing we let Justin “Giantsbane” Turner walk, huh! He’s only the CLEANUP hitter for the run-smacking Dodgers now.
We looked good, what can I say? We could really use Blevins to face Freeman, but otherwise we looked good…for 1 game…
Preblow: A real duel. deGrom vs Miller. They’re both in Cy Young contention at this point in the season. Very exciting. We’re fucked. We’ve got to continue to play OUR game, like last night. It all stems from dominant pitching. CGSO or bust should be written on Dan Warthen’s eyelids.
The Mets host the featherheads dirt worshippers blanket-asses buffalo lovers eskimos redskins injuns maize-munchers savages squantos tomahawk-chuckers Braves for 3 games this weekend. The Mets are in 1st, but the Nats are 0.5 behind and the Braves are 2.5 behind.
Big Sexy takes the hill tonight against Alex Wood. Wood got ejected his last start, so this should be a good opportunity for him to bounce back.
They say Murph will be back any day. Meanwhile, Blevins is DEEEAD and Plawecki is DIIIIZZY and Tejada is a DAAADDYY. Herrera is back, though, and they (non-Mets scouts included) say he’ll be an all-star someday. It should be fun watching him grow up, get hurt, go to another team, and become said all-star.
Expect to see Parnell in this series. His 12+ ERA in the minors bodes well!
Aaaaaand he’s injured.
Ok, not yet. So our 4-5-1 in the rotation is going up against the Braves 4-5-1 this series. We won’t hit Teheran (though he did get shelled last start against Toronto) so Colon’s really gotta bear down.
The bigger message of this series is the 4-5. This is where we separate from them. We’re supposed to have a 4-5 that would be 2s on other teams. Their 4-5s are stop-gap doodoo minor leaguers or has-beens. This is a perfect opportunity for Plawecki to get his sea legs.
This is what supposedly makes us contenders, even more so than Harvey or whatever; that we are WITHOUT A HOLE in the rotation, and they have two holes. Stick it in their holes.
MetsBlow 