Thor is a God. Thor is a God. Thor is a God.

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7 IP. 10 Ks. 0 BB. 0 R.

Chooooof. Fuck Scherzer. We came home, Grandy & Conforto hit solo dingers, and that’s all we needed.

1 down. Now Tolo (and both of his families) look to shut down the Nats again. We’re facing Gio. We’re fuuuuucked. We actually need Wright for this one, but his back is duuuuunzo.

Why does anyone give a shit about Tolo’s personal life? I guess he’s just so sexy that people have to know. Leave him and his bastards alone.

Deadpool: TDA never plays for the Mets again? Odds 2:1. He’s in Cali now with a personal trainer. He ain’t comin back. 

Mets Coming Home After Doodyball Road Trip

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Swept by the Rockies, huh? Can’t hit at Coors? Terry with an awful hook? Umps with awful eyes? 

Now we come home. Be resilient. The Kershaw hangover took a whole weekend but now we finally get a day off and come home. We’ve been hitting at home. Hell, Yo popped one at Coors. So things are coming around. 

Show the Nationals who runs shit around here. 

I’m Not Blaming the Atrocious Call

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TC got tossed after umpire Carlos Torres cheated.

Did Wolters foul tip that pitch? No. Were we cheated by umpire Carlos Torres and the rest of em? Absolutely. Does that matter? Yes, but it’s not the only thing that matters.

The Rockies got a massive break and replay is broken. Both of these are facts. Here’s another fact: we’re not hitting in Coors Field and that’s fucking pathetic. If you don’t score 8 runs per game here, don’t expect to win. Our bats are ice cold and that’s why we lost, end of story. 

Rocky Start

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Why is everyone throwing all these lame ass excuses around? Oh, Harvey pitched like shit because it’s Colorado? Oooook, so why didn’t we hit, then? Kershaw hangover? 

Reality check: Harvey can’t get through five without being shelled. Some bad OF defense didn’t help his cause, but both teams played shitty OF-D (so many balls under gloves…was it the wind?) so it evened out. He got shelled, end of story.

Reality check: This lineup is in a slump a duuuump.

If we take the next two, it’s a successful road trip. But that’s a big if. Like I said at the outset, this was a ridiculous piece of our schedule. No days off and long flights and whatnot. But get tough, now. The Rockies aren’t good. Where are our bats? 

Against Kershaw, What Can Ya Do?

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Mets put up a goose egg agsinst Kershaw.

3 hits, no runs, complete game…any other pitcher and I’d be barkin’ at the Mets but whatever. This one had the L penciled in as soon as the probable starters were announced. And that’s not a knock on Tolo.

Truth be told, I think you gotta sit Grandy and stick Conforto in right. Because come playoff time, or even stretch time, Conforto needs to be in this lineup every day. I know MadBum owned him and even maybe caused a slump but so what? If you’re obsessed with starting Juanny Beisbol against lefties, that’s fine and I’m not mad at it, but Yung Savior needs to be out there every day. 

We didn’t hit a home run last night (obviously), but now we head to Colorado. I’m very excited to see our bats do work out there. 

Thor, Gawd of Thunda!!

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2 dingers! Thor had this to say: “Tonight was a direct result of Bartolo inspiring me to be a better man. #histrotwasbetter”

Gotta love the camaraderie and competition. Thor also let up 2 dingers but pitched a gem, otherwise. Very efficient but shitty hook Terry pulled him, anyway.

He was pulled after 8 for Fam in the 9th. That’s oooooookay, I guess. 

Other notes:

-Familia loves winning by 1 run. What’s up with that?

-Scrub ass Blanton has our number.

-AGon has the most stereotypical Carlos Mencia Mexican walk-up music.

-Campbell up with bases loaded?! We’re not a complete team end of story. 

Tonight: Colon v Kershaw! Ace v Ace! 

Meet the Fucking Matz

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Other than the dinger to Klay Thompson’s brother, Matz was beautiful. He even got an RBI (our pitchers are finally getting in on the action). Matz is a lefty. Sky’s the limit for him. Horses, baby! Horses!

Terry made a bad move with two on and two out. He should’ve brought in Conforto to face the righty. He didn’t. Juan struck out on 3 pitches and then made an error in the field. You can’t predict the error (first time ever that I’ve seen Juanny Beisbol miss an easy one), but Conforto should’ve pinch hit. End of story. 

The ghost of Daniel Murphy was on the basepaths for us. Name the ridiculous ways to get thrown out at 2nd base. The Mets did almost all of them in one game. 

This time, Bastardo got bailed out by Henderson. Bastardo looked okay, I thought, but is wild and got squeezed. The officiating was horrendous in this game. Grandy got rung up on a 3-2 pitch a foot high and away. Is the umping always this bad and anti-Mets? I mean it’s not like the umps would cheat to help the Dodgers win by putting Utley on 2nd base or anything, right? Wait. 

Neil Walker has minor deadness but is supposedly back tonight.

TDA has major deadness and we may never see his light again. 

Happy Moms’ Day, You Bastard!

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Bahstid!

Wow, what a day for bastards. Jon Snow’s alive again and Bastardo’s saving the day for the Mets.

Will Reed and the rest of the Mook Mets ever learn what to do on 0-2 pitches?!

This road trip is insane. No days off?! Back to back 4 game serieses? Sheesh. 

We’re definitely not an A++ team. We don’t run well enough. We don’t manufacture runs. But with Cespedes cleaning up in our long, powerful lineup, elite pitching, and seemingly delightful team chemistry (they love competing with each other), we are indeed contenders. 1st place. 

The Mets Are Juiced Up

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Big Bart hit one off of Big Game James.

Yes, Tolo hit a dinger. Replays for days. A testament to his work ethic. That’s the REAL secret stuff.

Yes, the Mets won. They hit a bunch of dingers (La Potencia, Big Sexy, Captain America, Young Savior). 2 came in the 9th. Colon gets the W. Fam gets the S. 

So many fucking dingers! It’s fun!