Author: metsblow

Get Your Blood Boiling With This True Story About the Wilpons

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A most punchable face.

So here at Metsblow, we like to make things up and use hyperbole to illustrate our justified concerns about the Wilpons. The following contains none of that. It is simply a story passed along to me by someone who has inside information at St. John’s University.

Chris Mullin is the new St. John’s coach, so the Yankees offered to have him throw out the first pitch at a game. Fine.

The Mets/Wilpons heard about it and made Mullin an offer as well: Throw out the 1st pitch, but only if you either

A) Buy 500 mets tickets and bring a bunch of St. John’s students out to a game

Or

B) Throw out the first pitch 1 day before the Yankees first pitch

—

JOOZ! Fucking Jooz!! I hate them so much. I wouldn’t let them into my home if they were crying/starving/seeking asylum. Someone hire a Faceless Man to give them the gift.

Cap’n Kirk Likely DFA

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“Is there a hole in my bat? I think there’s a hole in my bat.”

OF Darrell Ceciliani will be promoted from Triple-A Las Vegas and join the Mets for Tuesday’s game, the team announced after Monday’s game. The team did not announce a corresponding roster move, though ESPN’s Adam Rubin speculates that Kirk Nieuwenhuis may soon be designated for assignment.

The left-handed hitting Ceciliani, 24, was hitting .336 with five home runs and 17 RBI in 113 at-bats with Triple-A Las Vegas.

He is well known around the team for his strong defensive skills, with Triple-A manager Wally Backman saying that Ceciliani has a similar read to Juan Lagares.

The Mets drafted Ceciliani during the fourth round of the 2009 Draft.

Cya Cap’n Kirk! Boldly go where many Mets have gone before: the minor leagues.

This greasy Italian mook Ceciliani doesn’t have a great history of hitting, but he’s doing well now, apparently has great defensive instincts, and hasn’t been on our bench yet, so he’s therefore better by default than any of our current bench players. I would gladly take someone batting .000 because that’s what our bench bats anyway. Clean slate. New guys. We’ve been watching Kirk for years. The Kirk ship has sailed. Try something new. I like it. Time for someone new to be bad and disappointing.

**UPDATE: The Mets officially made the move. Kirk has indeed been DFA.

Mets Get a Cubano! …That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of!

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In Cuba, all baseball players are treated equally.
In Cuba, all baseball players are treated equally.

Did we get Cespedes? Tomas? An impact bat? NOPE!

The Mets have signed 27-year-old, free-agent Cuban catcher Lednier Ricardo, according to ESPN’s Adam Rubin.

Ricardo hit .256 with with 26 home runs and 136 RBI in 1,190 at-bats during the Cuban National Series from 2007 through 2012.

Well, his numbers are pretty shitty, but still a vast improvement over Recker. I’ll take it. I’ll take anything.

In the offseason, I was screaming and crying for Tomas, or for Kang the Korean. They’re both all-stars. HAR HAR HAR. Nice move, Mets.

Sandy Alderson: Baseball Maverick does it again. Have a cigar, you’re gonna go far.

Postblow: Mets Win? I Think? Anybody Still Awake?

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Had they put the camera on Keith, you would've seen a bottle.
Had they put the camera on Keith, you would’ve seen a bottle.

Mets 2, Cards 1. F/14

Snoooooze. You can’t blame TC for bringing in Familia. He blew his first save, but that’s not the issue. The issue is, of course, the (lack of) hitting. We are flat out fucking boring. More importantly, this is our shot. Repeat: THIS IS OUR SHOT. You know why? Because Harvey is already done with this team. Has anyone in the history of baseball ever put up two straight scoreless starts and won neither? This is our shot. We have this three-year window and then Harvey is gone, probably to the Yankees, or maybe to the Cardinals.

A pro (probably the only pro) for the game was that after 9, Keith really didn’t give a fuck. He went full Harry Doyle. I’m talking pants undone and Irish coffees done. Load groans at our futility after each AB. He’s a ballplayer and he’s a fan, so it hurts double for him to watch this schlock.

We won the game, but we are a far inferior team. This is best exemplified by our potential insurance run (Wilmerrr!!!) getting picked off in the bottom of the 8th, only to watch the Cards push all the right buttons and run the bases like champs in order to manufacture the tying run in the top of the 9th. Familia was barely touched up. The run scored on a shallow sac fly and a better-armed RF guns out the runner every time. You forgive Grandy for his weak arm and mediocre fielding when he’s hitting 40 dingers each year. Oops. I’m not sure if any amount of hitting could forgive Flores’ play right now, but he IS hitting a bit…for now. We can’t hit and we can’t play defense but man oh man do we have great pitching. Such a shame. We could be a 100 win team with an average team behind this rotation.

Preblow: Mets vs. Cards; Sandy Alderson Speaks

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The 22-16 Mets (in 1st place by half a game!) host the Cards (25-12, 1st place in NL central, best record in baseball) this week.

A few quotes from Sandy Alderson about the upcoming 4-game series against the Cards:

“It was good to take 2 out of 3 against the Brewers before the inevitable assramming the Cards will give us.”

“They have good pitching and good hitting. What a bunch of goody-goods. We’re a bit too cool for that.”

“We’re excited to have Harvey going tonight. We’re excited to lose only 1 or 2 to nothing against Lackey.”

“Wacha vs. Niese tomorrow? Go ahead and cancel it. Just cancel the game.”

“Can’t believe we’ve got 4 games against these guys. Somebody think of the children!”

“The good news is that David Wright will be back by May 15. That should give us a nice boost.”

Postblow: Put The Season To Bed

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Cover the field and let's turn this place into a parking lot.
Cover the field and let’s turn this place into a parking lot.

Brewers 7, Mets 0

Put the season to bed. It’s all over people! We don’t have a prayer!

Guys, we made it to Mid-May. Not bad. Close to the Wilpons’ ultimate goal of meaningful games in September.

How many games have we won when our SP didn’t have a quality start? I think zero. I’m not joking. It’s zero.

Kyle Losche has let up at least 1 dinger in all of his starts this season. Oooooh what a perfect opportunity for him to break that streak. Shittifield: Where opposing over-the-hill pitchers come for their renaissance.

It’s just not fair. Colon was doing his thing, Flores makes an error, and boom it’s 3-0. Stop me if this sounds familiar. Grandy misplays a ball, and boom it’s 5-0. And you KNOW it’s over. Completely lifeless. It’s just not fair to our pitching. The game is over before it starts. We have the best pitching in the league and our team can win 90 games but it has NO OFFENSIVE DEPTH. Wright and d’Arnaud gone means we go from 90 wins to 70 wins.

Considering tonight, a move has to be made. Wipe the entire farm system for Correa. Just do it. Franchise player. Do it.

P.S. Herrera to the DL!! The thing is, the Mets should be accounting for this. Most teams can’t assume that you’ll lead the league in injuries. The Mets can, though, because they always do. They have the worst medical staff in the league thanks to the Jewpons and they have no idea how to condition. Bring out the tarp, cover the field, and put the season to bed. Metsblow.

Preblow: Colon Opens The Series Against DooDooBrewCrew

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El Burro loco
El Burro loco

After getting their shit pushed in by the Cubs at Wrigley, the Mets return home to face the doo doo Brew Crew, who have the worst record in baseball.

Bartolo Colon will face Kyle Lohse, who has an ERA over 7.

Bartolo Colon apparently likes to be called “Pancho,” after his pet burro. Growing up, Pancho was the hardest-working on animal on Colon’s family farm.

Good luck, Tolo. Keep pitching this way and you’ll be on a good team in no time! I really don’t want to see you go, but getting major league ready, twenty-something-year-old hitters in a deal for you has to be explored. The reason it has to be explored is because, unlike the Cubs who solved their pitching problems by signing Lester, the Jewpons will NEVER make a free agent signing like that. We’ve made a hard pass on Cruz twice now! We completely dismissed Hanley. We’re simply a small market team in the biggest city in the nation. Metsblow.

Postblow: Mets Trip Over Their Shoelaces; Get Swept

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Cubs 6, Mets 5

Two homers for Recker!

A homer for Flores!

…and game-losing errors for both of them.

Oh, scratch that, no error for Recker…just the tie-breaking, game-losing passed ball. What a fuckhead.

Try and factor that into your WAR. The Mets don’t have anyone. Flores is perhaps their 2nd best hitter, but he can’t field. We just don’t have ANYONE doing things right.

If you’re gonna play the game, boy, you gotta learn to play it right.

P.S. Sandy is warming up Terry’s seat. Mercury rising. Little known fact about that movie: The spaz boy that Bruce Willis is rescuing grew up to be Matt Cerrone.