Month: April 2015

Mejia = Parnell = Inception = Metsblow

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Mejia, on Opening Day, in the bullpen, warmed up for the save. Then, he didn’t go to the mound. Instead, he went to the clubhouse.

Did you know the exact same thing happened to Parnell last Opening Day? Is that weird? Does that show systemic corruption in our ability to groom and prepare pitchers? Does that show that time is a flat circle that the Mets are cursed forever and that we will be forced to be hopeful only to lose our best players season after season to a weird disease known only as METS?

Did you also know that Mejia had TJ already in his career? He’s done forever. Stiffness = done forever.

Liveblow: Middle Infield Makes First Error

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Oops!
Oops!

And in the top of the 1st, the much-scrutinized-for-their-lack-of-defense middle infield makes their first error. Murphy with the throwing error! It’s gonna be a middle infield for the record books, folks.

But hey, at least he’s not a fag, right? We should be thankful that Murphy even took the field, what with all the fags out there. Murph’s gotta save them from eternal hell-fire. He’s HELPING them!

Big Sexy at the Bat

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No helmet can hold Big Sexy.
No helmet can hold Big Sexy.

Today, Opening Day (!!), we will be greeted with one of the true must-see-TV events of the Spring. Not #HarveyDay, not Game of Thrones, but rather: Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon will be batting.

Legitimate question: Could I do better than Colon against Scherzer? I predict I would be able to but the bat on the ball at least once. Foul tips count. Will Bartolo? Place your bets and place your bats!

P.S. It doesn’t matter what Colon does at the plate. If he’s the 15-game-winning, inning-eating horse he was last year, then we’re cooking.

P.P.S. I’ll still take this over the AL and the DH nonsense. Such nonsense. Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, AL!

Mets Hire New Interns for 2015 Season

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A look at the new interns
A look at the new interns

Your crack team of interns are here. The Mets are really running a tight ship.

I’m surprised the Wilpons pay anyone at all. What with Madoff and everything, I’m surprised they’re not demanded government bailout monies. Oh wait, they did.

Murphy Limps To The Clubhouse

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Murphy is limping. It is known. Great.

Is a limping Murphy better than Tejada? Yes. Is a ripped hammy Murph better? Probably, but we really don’t want that.

The Mets’ bargain bin crack medical staff is on it once again! Jews are usually so xenophobic when it comes to doctors. Other than for the discount, why else would our cheap Jew fuck owners hire Mexicans? That’s a rhetorical question. Metsblow.

Opening Day Lineup Breakdown

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Welp, we did it. Hoooooray. We’re in 1st place!

Here’s our lineup:

Juanny Beisbol

Grandy

Captain America

The Big Lebowski

Kid Cuddy

Murph

Flo the Progressive Boy

d’Arnaud (he and deGrom make up the d-battery).

The takeaway: For the first time since Reyes and Beltran and Lo Duca and Delgado left, there are NO black holes. On a scale of [-1, 0, 1], we finally have no negatives. We don’t have someone who is a minor leaguer aka detriment to the team.

Of course, our bench is still shallow and shitty. For fucks sake Endy Chavez hit over .300! Our bench players raked! So the key is that this starting lineup stays healthy. With our bargain bin medical staff, I think it’s unlikely, but ya gotta believe! We’re in 1st place!!

P.S. I would looooove to see Big Sexy outduel Scherzer today. The Nats have won NOTHING! They have earned NOTHING! They are currently the 1x defending NL east champs. That isn’t a dynasty. That isn’t dick. All they’ve done is shit the bed in the playoffs. Losers. Oh and they’ve also stomped the shit out of the Mets for a few years running now. LET’S GO METS!

BREAKING: Mejia on Way Out

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So I’m sure that this is related to the Mets not wanting to pay both Mejia and Familia is the main concern here but anyway…

Apparently the Mets are going to move Mejia by the All-Star Break. Apparently they like Familia better. He’s just more familiar to them. Errr…whatever. I like them both.

I want them all to rock. Let’s see a real competition. Mejia, Familia, Parnell, and Black all think they can be THE guy. They all think they can make big bucks. Let’s see the proof.

P.S. They say he’s hiding an injury. TJ?