With Dr. Nick hard at work, who will return to the Mets first? Here are the odds and projected dates:

Travis d’Arnaud:

-The Mets said a month. It’s been a month. He’ll likely return fairly on time, whimpering every time he swings the bat. Odds on returning first are 1:1

David Wright:

-The Mets said May 15. He’s still two weeks away. Odds on returning first are 10:1.

Bobby Parnell:

-The Mets said late April. He’s likely dead. Odds on returning first are 50:1.

Vic Black:

-The Mets said mid May. He’s likely dead. Odds on returning first are 50:1.

Dilson Herrera:

-The Mets said he got hurt fielding grounders during batting practice. His finger will likely be amputated. Odds on returning first are 75:1.

Jerry Blevins:

-Hit by a nasty comebacker. The Mets said he’d be out for three months. It’s been only one month. Odds on returning first are 100:1.

Odds that they are all dead are 3:1. Odds that at least one of them is dead is the lock of the century and Vegas won’t take the bet.