Month: May 2015

Non-Howie Radio is Dogshit

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Let’s go Mets, F-A-N doo da dow!! 

Never again 😦

…Maybe again? New owners and back to WFAN?! Dare to dream…

I had to listen to part of last night’s game on the radio. Howie Rose is great. Tremendous. I don’t know who the other guys are, but they are total dogshit. 

Thanks, Wilpons, for Jewing out of 660! Fuck you, you cheap Jew fucks. It seems like they’re trying to force out Howie, too. I’m sure Howie loves his job, but he must hate this new regime and these dog-doo guys they’ve put him next to. I don’t know their names and I don’t want to know. They’re Michael Kay bad.

While listening to the radio, the following things were just said by non-Howie radio bitch:
1) That was a loooong half inning. That’s actually the Mets’ best hope right now–that Arrieta’s arm is cold.
2) Granderson draws another walk. His third of the night…no wait, ball 3. …And here comes the payoff pitch. And it’s outside…but he swung! Strike 3. 
Also, re #1: Arrieta then completed a 9 pitch inning. Good he thing he cooled off while the Cubs batted around!! No, I’m not joking, he actually said the Mets were wise to let 10 Cubs come to the plate in an inning. 
Also, the radio guy’s grammar is piss poor. I tried writing as poorly as he speaks, but I can’t properly capture his bastardization of the English language. Radio Metsblow.

P.S. How’s Rush Limbaugh? Say hi and tell him he’s a big fat barely-in-the-closet faggot rapist homophobe for me, thanks! 

Postblow: Mets Show Support For Their Young Star

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Cubs 6, Mets 1

Geez, Arrieta almost faced the minimum.

Way to support the young gun! In the preblow, I said something along the lines of, “Welcome to the Mets, enjoy the run support!” God fucking damn does it hurt to be right all the time.

If you’re a Mets fan, do you get excited? You’re happy with Syndergaard’s performance, up until TC left him in for too long, that is. He’s going to be a big piece in this very promising rotation, but the Mets lineup is getting mowed down like…well, like the Mets often do. I just can’t watch this lineup. 

“I just can’t watch this lineup” is the new “ya gotta believe.” Just something for years now that you hear repeatedly from all corners of Metsnation. 

Preblow: Thor Makes his ML Debut

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High School Prom King
High School Prom King

Thor is finally getting the call! Wow, what an exciting day. The guy has an OPS of 1.364! We’ve really needed an impact bat for over two (five?) years now, and I think we’ve found that bat in Syndergaard. Our offense has just been beyond frail since Wright and d’Arnaud went down with cases of METS, and it’ll be good to have someone who can hit coming up…oh, and apparently he can pitch well, too. Well, you can still bat him cleanup, can’t you? He likely belongs there when compared to our dogshit lineup.

A lot was made about the young Noah not getting the call last season. A lot was also made about #HamSandwichGate and I respect all of it. Don’t ever a kid the keys to the castle. Make him work. Syndergaard has now admitted, “Not getting the call [last year] motivated me. Last year taught me how to struggle and how to handle adversity.”

Get ready for a new struggle, Noah: The struggle of losing games 1-0! Hopefully you can mash at the major league level, too, because your DOMINANCE on the mound won’t be enough! Go ahead and ask every other pitcher on the team!

Postblow: Cubs Already Being Crowned

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Cubs 4, Mets 3
Add Bryant, Rizzo, and Castro to the endless list of Metkillers. The talking heads are sucking their sucks so hard.
Did deGrom have another shaky outing? Yes. Did we not to DICK on offense against a dogshit bullpen? Yes. Stop sucking Cubs dick. They’ve got promising young hitting, but it’s more that we blow than anything else. 

Our offense is so fucking anemic.

Is Thor gonna go out there tonight and then be traded for Castro? Maybe. 

Castro made a game-saving play in the 9th that we would never make in a million years. 

Post/Pre MiniBlow

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Yuck is Philly a gross city. Such a cheap imitation of NYC.

Well, we beattum 2 outta 3. Job (not) well done. Tejada FLASHED SOME LEATHER and is making a biiiiid! Best SS on the teeeeam! Wow, Ruben! Ruby Tuesday! That walk-up music, too! Na dee naaa na, Rubey Rube Tejaaada.

Yuck is Chicago a gross city. Such a cheap imitation of NYC.

It’s our young pitching vs. their young hitting. Good pitching always beats good hitting and vice versa. They’ve got Lester, then Arrieta, then two (2!!) TBDs. That’s why we have to beattum. We have 5 aces. They have TBDs in their rotation. Nuff said. Tonight is deGrom, tomorrow is Thor’s debut, then Harvey, then Niese. Let’s fucking go. This is the biggest series to date. This is the, “We Were Dogshit Last Year But We’ve Come to Play This Year” Bowl.

Preblow: Big Sexy Should Bat 7th 

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Upon further review of today’s lineup, I was wrong in my headline. Tolo shouldn’t bat 7th…he should bat 6th.

“We are now completely out from under the Madoff scandal and are ready to get back to baseball. We are fully committed.” -Wilpon, in 2013.

Big Sexy, it’s CGSO or bust (as usual) today. That’s one helluva lineup they’ve given you. Billingsley, the opposing pitcher, has an ERA of 9.00 this season. My guess is he allows 1 run (unearned?) in 6 strong innings of work. The only way this lineup will get to him is if A) Duda breaks out or B) Tolo gets to him. Metsblow.

Happy? Recap: Mets Even Up The Tough Series Against the Worst Team in the League

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Mets 3, Phils 2
Ooooh, what a tight battle that was! What an display of futility from both teams! Boy, these two teams really want to prove which team has the shittier lineup.

The Mets, who made a habit of sucking chode dick against washed-up Harang last year (while he was with Atlanta), picked up right where they left off last night.

Niese looked great against a lineup that didn’t even feature Utley/Howard. Finally, that era is ending, while the Bryce Harper era has fully ignited in DC. 

The Phils gave up an unearned run. Then the Mets kindly called & raised them by giving up two unearned runs. What a kindhearted gesture.

The Mets made one good swing the entire night: While down 2-1, Lagares hit a two-run dinger and the Mets went on to win 3-2. God knows insurance runs are not part of the Mets’ hitting philosophy. Niese got the win. Familia got the save. Mets got the you-blow-but-they-blow-harder award.

Bryce Harper has 6 dingers in 3 days. Do we have 6 HRs as a team for the whole season? 

Post and Pre Blow

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Mets fucking blow. Score some fucking runs. I have nothing else to say. 

Ok, wait. I do. Make a move! Trade Thor. Trade Matz. Trade Colon. I don’t want to do it. I hate the thought of it, but we don’t score any runs!! We need an impact bat. Get Tulo. 

We passed on Cruz, on Hanley, on all the Cubanos…Metsblow.