mets

Recaps Blow: Mets Fall Back to Earth

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Nats 2, Mets 1. Tomorrow it’s Harvey vs. Strasburg for the rubber game. 

Game Ball to the grounds crew. Such gamesmanship.

This is what we’ve come to expect from the Mets. Win 3-1, lose 2-1, etc. Hopefully we can be on the winning end more often than not…

Should we trade the farm for Tulo to break this cycle? 

P.S. “New York Community Bank” is the new hot local commercial jingle of the year. It hasn’t reached “Cellino & Barnes” or “Pickin You Up Dial 7” status yet. We’ve yet to learn how replay-able it is.

Liveblow: A Lesson In Gamesmanship 

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If you think Jordan Zimmerman didn’t have advanced knowledge of the fabricated rain delay, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. It left deGrom cold and that’s why he let up that dinger to Ryan Zimmerman. So many Jew Zimmermans. 

They didn’t even put the tarp on the field! It didn’t rain! Gamesmanship from the division champs. Lesson learned. They won’t relinquish the throne easily.

P.S. Keith mentioned he thought it was a phony bologna rain delay. Keith knows. 

P.P.S. J. Zimmerman’s letting up hits anyway! 

Happy deGrom Day!

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You long haired freak
You long haired freak

Hoooooly shit. Am I too jacked for game 2? Probably. But look at what’s ahead of us: We have deGrom and Harvey taking the hill for a chance to WIN or perhaps even SWEEP a SERIES in WASHINGTON?! Is that real? Is that a possibility? Yup.

The reality is that with this rotation, we can win any series, including a certain series that I won’t mention but it rhymes with hurled schmearies.

I’m sure our hitting and our owners will find ways to screw this up, but you’ve gotta love our chances.

Mejia = Parnell = Inception = Metsblow

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Mejia, on Opening Day, in the bullpen, warmed up for the save. Then, he didn’t go to the mound. Instead, he went to the clubhouse.

Did you know the exact same thing happened to Parnell last Opening Day? Is that weird? Does that show systemic corruption in our ability to groom and prepare pitchers? Does that show that time is a flat circle that the Mets are cursed forever and that we will be forced to be hopeful only to lose our best players season after season to a weird disease known only as METS?

Did you also know that Mejia had TJ already in his career? He’s done forever. Stiffness = done forever.

Murphy Limps To The Clubhouse

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Murphy is limping. It is known. Great.

Is a limping Murphy better than Tejada? Yes. Is a ripped hammy Murph better? Probably, but we really don’t want that.

The Mets’ bargain bin crack medical staff is on it once again! Jews are usually so xenophobic when it comes to doctors. Other than for the discount, why else would our cheap Jew fuck owners hire Mexicans? That’s a rhetorical question. Metsblow.

Opening Day Lineup Breakdown

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Welp, we did it. Hoooooray. We’re in 1st place!

Here’s our lineup:

Juanny Beisbol

Grandy

Captain America

The Big Lebowski

Kid Cuddy

Murph

Flo the Progressive Boy

d’Arnaud (he and deGrom make up the d-battery).

The takeaway: For the first time since Reyes and Beltran and Lo Duca and Delgado left, there are NO black holes. On a scale of [-1, 0, 1], we finally have no negatives. We don’t have someone who is a minor leaguer aka detriment to the team.

Of course, our bench is still shallow and shitty. For fucks sake Endy Chavez hit over .300! Our bench players raked! So the key is that this starting lineup stays healthy. With our bargain bin medical staff, I think it’s unlikely, but ya gotta believe! We’re in 1st place!!

P.S. I would looooove to see Big Sexy outduel Scherzer today. The Nats have won NOTHING! They have earned NOTHING! They are currently the 1x defending NL east champs. That isn’t a dynasty. That isn’t dick. All they’ve done is shit the bed in the playoffs. Losers. Oh and they’ve also stomped the shit out of the Mets for a few years running now. LET’S GO METS!