Preblow: Harvey Panic Button Game

Matt Harvey has basically been the worst pitcher in baseball for the past month. He’s been getting ROCKED.

Bury them tonight, Matt. Make Reyes look foolish (god I love Reyes…imagine if we still had him! Naah, we let him walk. Yay Wilpons) and show the league who you really are.

If Harvey gets rocked again, I think they need to consider a setback–maybe give Matz a turn in the rotation and let Harvey rest.

Whatever. Make all the speculation and concern moot. Have a big, Dark Knight kinda night, and show us all that you’re the truth.

Postblow: Harvey is Reeling

Stare 'em down all you want, but they're crushing dingers off of you.
Stare ’em down all you want, but they’re crushing dingers off of you.

Giants 8, Mets 5

Dang, Harvey sucks, huh? He sucks almost as much as our baserunning, which cost us about 3 runs yesterday.

Harvey has off-season lag. I’m not too worried about it. He didn’t pitch for 12 months. It’s natural. I’m MUUUUUCH more concerned with the O. We have the worst O I’ve ever seen ever ever ever ever…since last year’s team. Yesterday, Campbell stranded a runner on 3rd in back to back innings. Maybe the “trade hype” for Aramis Ramirez will pull through. Nah, let’s hold out. After all, David Wright will be back by May 15th.

But seriously, c’mon Harvey. 0-2 cheese to Posey are you fucking kidding? Keith really got him for this one. Stop trying to out-BARK and out-BITE everyone. Get smart, Matt! That was the turning point of the game. Inexcusable.

Sideblow: Joe West is sooooo bad. The new replay initiatives show that he is maybe actually blind.

Post/Preblow Double Whammy: Who Gives A Shit?

Mets 6, D-Backs 2

Welp, this is our team. Ruben Tejada leading off. What a team. Our lineup got mowed down by Oliver Perez. Yes, THAT Oliver Perez.

But we won. We won because Matt Harvey returned to form. We won because AZ made some costly errors. We won because their pitching is fucking atrocious.

This matchup is baseball 101. The D-Backs have the BEST HITTING IN THE LEAGUE. They are 1st in runs, but Harvey held them down. A couple of solo dingers, but mostly unscathed. The D-Backs have HORRENDOUS PITCHING. They are the inverse Mets. And here we are in first place, and there they are below .500. That’s baseball 101.

If we had a mediocre offense–just MEDIOCRE–we’d be a 100 win team. We’re at or near the bottom in every fucking offensive category. Total runs, RBIs, hits, BA, OBP (the Maverick stat), sac flies, sac bunts*, team speed, it goes on…not to mention our defense sucks ass, too. Metsblow.

*Oh, dear God the bunting!! The next off day, the Mets should hire a specialist (Tom Glavine?) to come in, line the team up, and make them bunt for 18 hours straight. The fundies! The fundies!! Keith is crying. 

Preblow for tonight: Jon Niese either rights the ship or gets replaced by Matz.

Preblow: Harvey On 5 Days Rest Uh-Ooooh

We’re in Arizona. We love getting demolished on the road against the NL West. Can Harvey buck the trend?

Speaking of trends, Harvey is on his worst streak ever. Can he out-duel some schmuck with a 5+ ERA? I remember Hellickson. We whooped his ass last time. Well, don’t count on it. Harvey hates the extra rest. Well, don’t worry, because the 6-man rotation has already evaporated. But for now, you better be rested and ready to fucking go. Harvey hasn’t had a win in 4 or so starts (including back-to-back shutout performance no decisions). With the extra rest, TC should let Harvey keep going. Shutout ball for 14 innings until the Mets finally scratch out an unearned run against this garbage team. The D-Backs are below .500, and below .500 at home, too.

I don’t really have shit to say. Fuck this team. 4 games out in AZ…hmm…can we win this series? Have we won a road series against the NL West once int he past 5 years?

Preblow: #HarveyDay and The Pursuit of SS Happiness

The most important Met with the most important Jew.
The most important Met with the most important Jew.

First, #HarveyDay:

Matt Harvey is in trouble today. He’s coming off his worst start ever, which means he’ll have something to prove, which is great. However, he’s opposed by Dan Haren. Dan Haren is the definitive “over-the-hill-but-gets-into-vintage-form-against-the-doodoo-Mets” pitcher. CGSO or bust, Matt, but what else is new?

Second, the new SS pursuit:

The Mets want Cubano SS Alfredo Rodriguez. Rodriguez, 21, recently left Cuba (they no longer need to defect!) in order to pursue a contract with a major league team.

Rodriguez was the 2014-15 Serie Nacional Rookie of the Year in Cuba and the recipient of their gold glove award. In 304 plate appearances last season, Rodriguez hit .265 with a .301 OBP and .284 SLG percentage.

“He has a long way to go as a hitter, but was arguably the best defensive shortstop in Cuba,” according to Baseball America’s Ben Badler. “He’s an athletic, agile defender with smooth, fluid actions.” Therefore, he’d be the best defensive shortstop on the Mets x infinity billion. Rodriguez should be able to ink a deal during the upcoming signing period, which starts on July 2.

The Wilpons have stated that they are in HOT PURSUIT…all the way up to six figures!

Matt Harvey’s Foot Hurts (He’s Dead)

Big Apple, 3am...
Big Apple, 3am…

Welp, that didn’t take long. Matt Harvey’s dead, everybody!

Blah blah blah Mets say it’s no big deal yada yada he’s been dealing with it etc. etc. aaaaand he’s dead.

They say he’ll make his next start. They say Jose Reyes will be back tomorrow. Metsblow.

P.S. If Harvey’s dead, at least we’ll never have to see him in Yankee pinstripes.

Preblow: #HarveyDay

The only thing I’ll say about today’s game is that the last time we had a win streak like this, it was when we were a complete doo-doo team. None of this means anything. Metsblow. It’s April.

But every win counts! I am such a schizophrenic Mets fan, right now. I’m such a stereotype.

I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Harvey looks phenomenal in the 1st inning. He just made Stanton look like a bitch.

Matt Harvey & The Culture Change

RAAARRRFF!!
RAAARRRFF!!

A few days ago, I posted about the culture change and how Matt Harvey needed to lead us there by throwing high & tight.

Well, thankfully, he reads Metsblow. Just look at that photo! He, as retaliation for two of our guys getting plunked, nailed Utley and then stared him the FUCK down, chaw-lip and all.

Thank you, Dark Knight. Thank you for being a winner.

P.S. Since he’s such a winner, he’ll be in pinstripes in 3 years 😥