Postblow: Ah, Now That’s More Like It

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Giants 3, Mets 0

Ah, yes, all is right in Metsland. We’re back on our historic pace of most times getting shut the fuck out.

Observations:

~I see Ruben Sangwich is back at the 2-hole. Awesome. Real embarrassment to 2-hitters everywhere. It makes me angry that I’m considering my adept-at-hitting brother for the 2-hole on our softball team. (His words: “Softball is different. There’s no bunting or stealing. And besides, we get the most at bats.”) True, true. Good to see Ruben getting all these ABs.

~All in on Cap’n Kirk? He’s batting a muscular .095 this season. Did the Angels just throw him in a dumpster? And that dumpster traveled to Vegas? Why is he back here? We rejected him, every other team in the league rejected him, and now we’ve seen some kind of x-factor and brought him back?

—The Perfect juxaposition, of course, is that Hunter Pence returned for SF today and played stellar defense and hit 2 guys in.

~”Cain looking very hittable…as long as you’re not the Mets.” -Ron Darling

~The Mets made run-costing errors in the field. Again, as I stated above, all is right again in Metsland.

~Grandy getting doubled up at home on a shallow foul out by Tejada. Nice play, Hunter Pence. Nicer play, Mets. Just spectacular. We keep outshitting ourselves. You’d think we would’ve run out of diapers by now.

~During the top of the 9th, I checked the score app on my phone to review some things. However, the game wasn’t on the home screen. It was listed as “past.” I had to go into the archives. They called the game. Just straight called it. Put it in the books. Mets down 3-0 in the 9th? Update that “9” to an “F” please thank you good job. I’m all for that. It really shoulda been called before it started. Matt Cain? Get the fuck outta here.

Vote Familia

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For me, the x-factor is that he stepped into this role without warning (Mejia’s injury and then suspension), and even more importantly, he is asked to throw 4 or even 5 out saves regularly.

Fuck Kershaw. Fuck Tulo. Vote Familia.

Also, have you seen the ASG roster? Did you know there are 7 former Mets position players or players the Mets easily could’ve acquired in the offseason playing? 7! If we had only gotten 1, imagine how much more prolific our offense would be. Maverick!

Post/Preblow: Back to Back Shutouts

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Mets 3, Giants 0

Well, all it takes for the Mets to win is letting up zero runs!

We’ve known this for some time. CGSOs or bust is the motto for the starting rotation. Niese was electric, and Familia got the save. Niese’s trade value is at it’s highest right now, so I’m sure the maverick will hold onto him and miss the trade deadline.

Tonight, Tolo vs Cain. Cain will probably bean David Wright and not receive retaliation for it. Oh, wait, that happened 5 years ago and Wright was never the same again? Ah, I see. 

Preblow: Another NoNo?

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The Mets travel to SF to take on the Giants, the other former NY team that the Mets took their colors from.

The Mets took 2 out of 3 in LA. But LA is all sizzle and no steak; all glamour and no substance. The Giants have the rings and the fundies and the coaching and the depth. 

They also have Heston–basically a scrub pitcher–who no hit us just a few weeks ago. Can the Mets get 1 hit tonight? Tune in and watch! It’s sure to be a thrill. The Mets, scoring 8 runs yesterday, have reached their quota for the entire week, so don’t expect a run. But can we expect a hit? …No. We cannot. 

Welcome to Fluke City

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Mets 8, Dodgers 0

Wow is Matz untradable. 5 aces. All untradable. As long as the pitchers keep getting RBIs, they’ll get Ws. That, and Puig looking like a dope out there in RF. 

We won a road series. Against a division leader. Suck my balls, LA. Your team is all glitter. 

Don’t get used to it. The Dodgers have bad fundies. The Giants and Bochy have been struggling, but they play sound baseball (except for maybe Pagan’s baserunning). We see them tonight. They’re coming from DC. Hopefully they’re jet lagged. That’s the best chance we’ve got.

Halfway Point: Who Is The 1st Half MVP?

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The Mets are 41-40. Like many predicted, we are a .500 team. “Above .500!” shouts Sandy.

Well, other than the 11 game win streak, we’ve been total dogshit. Has there been a bright spot? I believe so. Vote for the 1st half MVP! I’m voting for Familia. He’s been special, and he was really asked to step up after Mejia’s injury and then suspension.

Remember, all teams get at least 1 all star. De-fault, uh uh! De-fault, uh uh!

Pre/Postblow: Mets…Win…?

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We're all confused.
We’re all confused.

Mets 2, Dodgers 1

I guess we’re not THAT confused. Thor is an ace. The Mets only scored 2 runs. We win games 2-1. It happens. Pretty textbook. On the road, though? Crazier things have happened.

Chalk this one up to Vegas rigging. The Mets, with a greater chance of losing than for Kershaw to throw a no-no, were a LOCK. Vegas having the Mets down by astronomical odds. They never win on the road. They never win against good pitching. Blah blah blah. What a Vegas doublebluff. It was so obvious.

Some fun facts:

~Mayberry hit cleanup last night. That’s gold. I think Syndergaard is better suited for that spot. Having said that, Mayberry KILLS lefties, now doesn’t he? I’m sure Clayton was shaking in his boots when he saw the middle of our lineup.

~d’Arnaud officially has no timetable for his return.

~Howie Rose got sick. Feel better, Howie! You’re one of the good ones. And that is so rare.

~Wright is “optimistic.” About what? 2016?

~Justin Giantsbane, former Met, is batting .314 and will likely be an all-star. We let him walk. I guess he’s doing better because he has Peterson, AeGon, and Puig around him. Hmmm…teamwork? Talented lineup? Vat are zeez tings?

~Tejada is 5 for 9 lifetime against Kershaw. I guess Kershaw is dogshit.

PREBLOW: Harvey v Greinke. Same thing could happen. Why the hell not? Oh, because we’re the Mets, right.

Preblow: Mets Fly West To Die Over the Pacific

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"The Mets? Really? I guess I'll skip my warmups to make it a little more fair." -Kershaw
“The Mets? Really? I guess I’ll skip my warmups to make it a little more fair.” -Kershaw

Ah yes, the great migration to the ocean. As the circle of life turns every summer, the Mets shall fly to the west coast to end their season just before the all-star game. We should be firmly out of contention by then.

Tonight, it’s Thor vs Kershaw. Is it possible that in Vegas a NO-HITTER from Kershaw has better odds than the Mets winning? I think it’s a 1% chance that the Mets win, and about a 10% chance that Kershaw throws a no-no. Real stats. Real facts. Real dogdoo team.

Thor will get a chance to bat, though. That could break up the no-no. He’s the only hitter on the team with a shot.

One Note On The Mets/Cubs Series

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I just want to point one thing out:

At the beginning of the season, people looked to two teams as the “hopefuls” or the “potentials” to take over a playoff spot from an incumbent. Those two teams were the Mets and the Cubs.

The Mets had the pitching. The Cubs had the hitting. People debated which team would be better. People debated which team actually had a shot. It made the Mets and Cubs into rivals, of sorts. If nothing else, it made the matchup between the two teams a litmus test and a proving grounds to see which team was actually legitimate; to see which team has actually blossomed in the offseason and was now ready to compete for something (unless you count competing for .500 a thing).

Their season series is now over. The Cubs won 7 games. The Mets won 0. The litmus test has revealed the Mets players as a bunch of basic bitches and the organization as acidic and corrosive slimeballs. Tip your cap to Theo Epstein–he’s quite the GM.