This is the easiest job in the world. You see, when I started Metsblow, the Mets blew. Then, thanks to my blog, young stud pitching, and Yo, they stopped blowing as hard as the rest of the NL for half a season. It was magical.

But it made my job harder. Well, fortunately my job is easy as shit now. I (and others) predicted that without Yo, we’d have the worst offense in the league. Here it is, y’all! “The nadir of the season.” And yeah Thor needs the surgery, but zero runs ain’t gonna win a game. The Mets couldn’t score if they were a twelve-year-old boy in the Penn State locker room.

I was recently ranting to my friends (the few I have left) about how shitty the blogosphere is and how lame Metsblog is and all of the sycophants that suck Jew dick. Whenever I’m dumb enough to read some bullshit from one of these mooks, it’s always nonsense from a guy who doesn’t understand the soul of the game. They don’t see the players for who they really are. They don’t see the game for what it really is. I hate to say it, but I agree with Terry–he has talked about how this strains his relationship (and players’ relationships) with the media. So has Joe Maddon. He’s still gonna get fired at the end of this year but he’s spot on there. These dorks sit at home with their computers on their laps and they don’t even watch the games. They just report on them. They might have a corny but clever PG-rated zinger here or there (goodness!), but they don’t belong in a dugout. And when it’s clever, they probably stole it from me. Everyone’s such a bnf in these things and if I were to be on a “real” sports thing rather than a “satire” thing, I’d be canned faster than Rob Parker. Metsblow remains the only credible source in print or on the web for the truth about the Mets. That is why I took this job.

All is right in the universe. The Mets truly blow again. Yay for me. COVER THE FIELD.

If Cespedes gets healthy, we’ll make a bid for the 2nd wildcard. Might get lucky. The NL really blows.