Marlins 6, Mets 5 (F/11)

Granted, the Mets were a little thin last night due to the deaths of Duda and Murph. Normally, in a PH situation, you’d bring in Uribe. Since Murph’s dead, Uribe was starting and we had to bring in Kirk to PH with the bases loaded. Ummm…wait…no we didn’t. Because we could’ve brought in Nimmo or Greasy Gavin Cecchini for the 40-man roster. WHY KIRK? WHY!? 3 DINGERS, THAT’S WHY! No. Fuck no.

Listen to me, Mets. When I say, “never again,” I mean it. I said it a while ago. Kirk should never be here. He’s an auto-out. The reason the Mets are better now than in June is because we don’t play guys like Kirk. Our “bad” hitters hit .250 now, instead of .150, but here’s Kirk, batting .150 for us. NEVER AGAIN.

O’Flaherty!? Same deal. Listen to me. I said it already. I’m saying it again: NEVER AGAIN. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN in a Mets uniform. Stop. No more. Never again.

Confidence Meter for Making Playoffs: 0.0 with these guys on the team.

Amazing news. Reed has been strong since being called back up. Maverick making moves. Fill the holes. Fill all the holes. We desperately needed a reliever and we got one. Love it.

Confidence level UP to 0.01

So Span got hurt AGAIN yesterday. Matt Williams, the Nats’ manager, is shocked. He’s “never seen anything like it.”

So, Matt. Matty Matty Matt Matt. Matt “manager of the year 2014” Williams, let me ask you a question: Do you watch baseball?

Are you fucking kidding, Matt? I’m not even talking about Mets baseball. I mean sure if you watch the Mets ever ever ever, you’d see we’re oft injured. The most in the majors. Fine. But I’m just talking about ANY BASEBALL AT ALL. Baseball, motherfucker, do you watch it? Are you surprised that the Rangers are better this year? Prince Fielder broke his NECK last year. And Yu Darvish is still hurt this year. They’ll be better next year…or will they? Injuries can plague a team. What the fuck are you talking about, Matt?

The Nationals have moved to blaming injuries. HA! HA HA FUCKING HA! Tell that to Zach Wheeler. Tell that to Travis or David. Hey Nationals, you silver spooned pieces of shit, welcome to adversity. Maybe next time don’t let LaRoche and Clippard go, you freakin mooks.

Mets 9, Phillies 5 (F/13)

Because there was no O’Flaherty or Recker in this game. Good job. Way to stick with it.

We also won because of a really fucking lucky play off Torres’ foot and into Murphy’s glove and then out of Murphy’s glove backwards into Torres’s glove at 1st. That was nuts. Good on Torres for covering after being struck in the foot.

Also Jelly and Cespedes hit dingers. Hey, we set a franchise record for dingers in a month! Do you think that has anything to do with getting the 2x home run derby champ on our team? Maybe? Just maybe?

Mets 9, Phillies 4

…and nobody got beaned.

So it’s tough to complain, right? Wrong! I’m going to skip all the good news and praise and get right to it: O’Flaherty and Recker should never be seen in a Mets uniform again. The end. Tonight, Niese pitches against Harang for the sweep.

Mets 6, Phillies 5

No, they don’t really have a problem with quick pitching. Their problem is with that fact that we’re better than they are. They’re a dogshit team and we’re not. They’re frustrated. Lame. Super lame. When a brawl breaks out today, Harvey better not punch with his pitching hand.

MLB Network’s “Quick Pitch” with Hansel Robles and every pitcher ever will be followed by:

Roid Rage with Roger Clemens at 10.

Spitballs with Michael Pineda at 11.

And of course, our new flagship program, Batflipping with Daniel Murphy and every Cubano ever.

Switch on over to NFLN for “Helmet to Helmet” with Teddy Bruschi and Bill Romanowski.