roster

Opening Day Lineup Breakdown

metsblow, , Leave a comment

Welp, we did it. Hoooooray. We’re in 1st place!

Here’s our lineup:

Juanny Beisbol

Grandy

Captain America

The Big Lebowski

Kid Cuddy

Murph

Flo the Progressive Boy

d’Arnaud (he and deGrom make up the d-battery).

The takeaway: For the first time since Reyes and Beltran and Lo Duca and Delgado left, there are NO black holes. On a scale of [-1, 0, 1], we finally have no negatives. We don’t have someone who is a minor leaguer aka detriment to the team.

Of course, our bench is still shallow and shitty. For fucks sake Endy Chavez hit over .300! Our bench players raked! So the key is that this starting lineup stays healthy. With our bargain bin medical staff, I think it’s unlikely, but ya gotta believe! We’re in 1st place!!

P.S. I would looooove to see Big Sexy outduel Scherzer today. The Nats have won NOTHING! They have earned NOTHING! They are currently the 1x defending NL east champs. That isn’t a dynasty. That isn’t dick. All they’ve done is shit the bed in the playoffs. Losers. Oh and they’ve also stomped the shit out of the Mets for a few years running now. LET’S GO METS!

Nieuwenhuis vs den Dekker WHO YA GOT!?

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Terry Collins just said, “Kirk Nieuwenhuis and Matt den Dekker will battle for the last spot in the roster, with the decision likely coming down to who hits more than the other.”

Let’s look at this further…

1) The decision will come down to who hits more. BRILLIANT! Great. Love it. The decision for who will be our pinch hitter (and likely starting outfielder once Cuddyer gets hurt) comes down to who is better at hitting. Brilliant strategy. Simply brilliant. The only problem is that neither of them can hit major league pitching. So let’s see who hits more not-shittily.

2) den Dekker has to have the edge because the Mets looooove their lowercase d-squad. deGrom won Rookie of the Year, after all. I think Wright should change his name to d-Avid.

3) Nowhere in any of this did Alderson, the Wilpons, or anyone make any mention of trying to acquire a player who has succeeded at the major league level. Clearly this is part of the Mets’ “GO blue, orange, and GREEN” environmental project, as they seemingly love recycling their trash.

4) Both Kirk and Matt have been quoted as saying, “I’d rather be in Vegas, anyway. My lucky table is hot right now!”

5) Kirk is three days older than Matt, whatever that means.

6) Matt is only batting .238 at the major league level, while Kirk is batting a muscular .241 so take that, young bull.

7) Nieuwenhuis’ name is a writer’s nightmare.

8) Kirk has more power but den Dekker is a better fielder. This is pretty much known. Collins says it’s all about hitting, so my guess is Kirk will win the job.