The Mets Didn’t Take Juan Uribe Because of a “Logjam” at 3B

Just look at all these 3rd basemen!
Just look at all these 3rd basemen!

During the offseason, I blogged/begged for the Mets to get a 3rd baseman. I said that Wright would likely die this year (he did), and even if he didn’t, we’d be forced to watch Soup every 4th day because even a healthy Wright (which will never exist again and hasn’t existed since 2010) could only play 120 or so games.

The rumor mill is now swirling that the Dodgers offered Juan Uribe for Dillon Gee and the Mets declined. Alderson apparently was quoted as saying that the Mets have a “logjam” at 3B.

So there are two theories about this quote:

1) YOU DUMB STUPID IDIOT! YOU STUPID, STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!!! IDIOT!! IDIOT!!! Are you fucking kidding me? You took ol’ Slim-Spine and Soup and called that a fucking logjam!? Were you referring to Daniel “let’s let him walk after this season” Murphy as well? What the fuck are you talking about!? Logjam!? We have ZERO third basemen!!!

2) JEWS! SNAKE JEWS!! YOU STUPID, STUPID FUCKING SNAKE JEWS!!! Juan Uribe oooooh no he’s making 7 figures! SEVEN! We can’t afford seven figures!! Holy shit, 7 figures!? Jesus Jew Christ, at that price, we’ll barely be able to support our future criminal endeavors in the investment banking underworld. Cut us some fucking kosher slack, here. 7 figures!? For a proven veteran? Get outta town. Oy vey.

Just for the record, Uribe would have the highest BA on the team. Eh, who are we kidding, we’d screw with his stretching regiment and land him on the DL anyway.

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