D-Backs 7, Mets 2
For this postblow, I’m just going to take you throw my stream of consciousness for the day (yesterday, Friday, June 5).
8:20am – Familia won’t be available tonight. He threw 100mph for 5 outs yesterday. His arm’s gonna fall off.
8:25am – Matt Cerrone is such a bitch. He’s talking about how the Mets are in first place and he should happy. Uhhhhh, do you watch the games? Anybody who knows jack shit about baseball wouldn’t be happy with this team. Bitch.
8:35am – The pitching is THAT good. The Dbacks have the best hitting in the league and they’re below .500. If we had mediocre fielding, hitting, fundies, etc., we’d be a 100 win team. Just mediocre!
11am – Maverick gotta make a maverick move. Matz for Puig or something huge like that. Harvey and Colon for Kris Bryant.
Noon – I can’t believe Murph credited Jesus for his injury. Also, we are cursed. d’Arnaud will (probably) come back this season but without Murph. Then, before Murph gets back, Lagares will be on the DL. It never ends.
3:46pm – Matz is the next Randy Johnson! BRING HIM UP!!!
3:47pm – …except he won’t have Ken Griffey, Jr., or Luis Gonzalez, or anything even close to that caliber player on his team.
4pm – Harvey should go back to back days like Cy Young.
5:05pm – How the fuck is Tanaka not hurt? How the fuck can he be pitching? He won’t last. I refuse to believe he can just shake off TJ. God loves the Yankees. Or is it Buddha? How the fuck is Tanaka doing what he’s doing right now? That’s some insane Mr. Miyagi healing power shit right there. Opting out of TJ and just rubbing some bamboo on it is not supposed to fucking work. But it’s working. Because he’s a Yankee.
5:35pm – Niese, Gee, and Montero for Zobrist!? Make a move, Maverick! Even with Zobrist, we’d still be 4 bats away.
10ishpm (the game has started at this point, so my thoughts get more jumbled) – So far, Niese, pitching for his job, is doing well. Too bad he made a run-inducing error.
10:30pm – Yasmani Tomas rocking it. Way to pass on him, Jews.
11:30pm – The announcers are talking about Rey Ordonez. He had a higher avg than half our team today, and nobody is even close to his defense (except Lagares).
Midnight – The switch-pitcher on Oakland is a sight to behold. I love it. If he needs TJ on one arm, he can stay in the game! Kind of like Tanaka!
12:30pm – Aaaand we lose. We’re losing 3-2. We lose. Now, insurance runs. We really lose. Those were hits. Both hits. I’m not calling them errors. But Grandy and Tejada could’ve made both of those plays. The balls hit off their gloves. We SUUUUUCK at everything but pitching. Our defense is so bad. You have to protect your pitchers. We don’t.
12:35pm – We hit our 2 run quota and PACKED IT THE FUCK IN. We didn’t et a hit past the 4th.
12:45pm – Plawecki has fucking VERTIGO!?!? What planet am I on? Oh right, Planet Mets. God is smiting us.
1:45am – Watching us squander quality start after quality start is the worst. This is the worst NL I’ve ever seen, and we’re blowing it. The fact that we’re “competing” for 1st place makes it even worse. What’s the season record for starters throwing a QS and getting an L or ND? We’re going to shatter it.
Preblow: WHO GIVES A SHIT!? FUCK THIS TEAM! Colon and deGrom? Well we should win the series. The D-Backs have the worst bullpen in the league and we still can’t hit for shit! My stream of consciousness isn’t much more than screaming and crying. There’s just nothing left. Watching bad baseball will do that to you. The FUNDIES, dammit! The fucking fundies! Have we manufactured a single run this year?