So let’s dive into all of it.

1) The Mets beat the Marlins, avoiding the sweep, 4-3. Hooray. Throw a fucking parade. Tolo had an RBI double that was sexy as fuck. A player with average speed (nobody on the Mets except Lagares) would’ve had an inside-the-park home run out of it. Whatever. Save your energy for the mound. Good W. 8 sexy wins for Tolo. Let me restate: our lack of speed (Grandy had a bad jump at a key moment later in the game, too) is KILLING us. We don’t score at all, and our shitty baserunning intensifies our inefficacy.

2) Check out that screenshot (above) from Metsblog. You gotta love how Metsblog thinks winning and spending are mutually exclusive. “We spend in 2005 and 2006 and didn’t win! Spending doesnt work! Sure we won 97 games, but it doesn’t work, ok!?”

3) We are worse than the Marlins, and their manager isn’t even a real manager. It’s just a GM in a baseball jersey. I suppose it’s not too hard to say, “hey Giancarlo, hit a homer…in fact, hit 2!” “OK, skip!” Also Bour is the newest Met-killer aka any decent baseball player. By the way, he’s Michael Morse’s replacement. Morse: definitive Met killer. Chances that Fernandez comes back and the Fins at full strength finish above us in the standings? I’d say 33% but it’s not crazy. Mets could finish in 4th. Braves are right on us.

4) The season has slipped away. May sucked. June will be harder. We are bad. I think it’s crazy that Ruben, REcker, and Mayberry started and the Mets front office acts surprised that our lineup isn’t better than last year’s. Are they cheap, lying Jews? Or are they stupid Jews? Both. I can’t believe the Maverick Team preaches OBP. I haven’t seen preaching more hypocritical than that since Christianity. I don’t think they could look me in the face and answer this question: If you care so much about OBP, why are these players on the team? Do they think Recker and co are good? They can’t tell me that with a straight face.

Here’s a recap of one of Recker’s AB in the 7th, with the game tied at 3.

Pitch 1: With Lagares stealing, NOT a hit and run, Recker swings and misses on a pitch 3 feet inside.

Pitch 2: Recker watches a flat fastball right down the middle.

Pitch 3: Strikeout swinging on a pitch 3 feet outside.

My cat (who watches all the games and is a big supporter of this site) turned around and buried his head into the couch. He couldn’t bear to watch Recker. Smart kitty. Fireball for GM.

Also, d’Arnaud is loooooong d’Ead, so get used to a LOT more Recker!!

Tejada is now the 2nd best hitter on the team. Get used to a LOT more Ruben!!

5) Preblow: Mets @ SD is sooo the offensive futility bowl. Could be looking at 0-0 ties for well over 9 innings each game. We’ll probably get swept. We love getting swept on the road. The Padres bats are actually a little hot for the first time. Just in time for the Mets! But our pitching should be able to shut them up. I look forward to watching the Mets offense at 10pm this week (west coast games all week). It will be a nice lullaby.

In closing, the Mets, without a healthy Wright, are a sub-.500 team. The Maverick completely fucked up, or maybe the Jewpons just didn’t allow him to spend. Either way, he should have moved Niese and Colon when they were at peak value. He didn’t sell high. They were doing so well; it was so unstable. I am in NO WAY overreacting. If anything, I’m under-reacting. The proper reaction would be to hire a faceless man to give Jeff Wilpon the gift. It was NEVER a debate what kind of offense we were without Wright. Now you go out and get Castro or Soler or Tulo and things might change. But the 2014 team is the same as this team. The only difference is no Wright instead of injured Wright. Last year’s team couldn’t score with a drunk slut on prom night. This year’s team couldn’t score at the 10-year high school reunion with the divorced slut milf who is looking to turn back the clock and Montell Jordan is playing and someone spiked the punch with ecstasy.